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AMA

Boarding school house staff - AMA

48 replies

Napcrackleandpop · 02/02/2020 09:40

Inspired by a thread over in Secondary Education. I'm boarding school pastoral staff - ask me anything.

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Izzadoraduncancan · 02/02/2020 21:02

Thank you from us also. My kids weekly board for secondary and they love it. A warm caring environment. In the senior cycle we have seen staff turn a blind eye - especially in a year that's very studious. It was needed and the kids (all over 18) needed to have a break.
I can't begin to say how much fun my girls find it - they do compare it to Malory Towers. The teachers are also fab and by senior years they have a great relationship with staff.

Itwasntme1 · 02/02/2020 21:20

Are any of he children rude and entitled? I have come across some ex boarders socially and they have all been pretty intense snobs. It has coloured my view, but I assume I have just been unlucky😊

Do they treat you with respect or like the help

Napcrackleandpop · 02/02/2020 22:16

Some of them can be rude and entitled, but they are a minority. And you get that in any school, even state schools, you just don't have to live with them in a day school.

There is too much misogyny still and some of the boys do try to treat the female house staff like servants though, that is the worst thing I think and much worse than in day schools I've worked in.

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LouH1981 · 03/02/2020 06:26

Hi :) My husband was at boarding school in the UK whilst his parents (military) were in Malaysia. He was 7 when he started. He tells me that he obviously missed his Mum and Dad a great deal and didn’t particularly enjoy his school experience for various reasons.
As a mum to two young children, I couldn’t bear to be without them. How do you manage, say for example at bed time or when they are poorly and all the really little ones need is a cuddle from Mum? Is it difficult to comfort them and do you find it emotional?

DreamingofSunshine · 03/02/2020 07:40

Sorry, I meant at your school in particular.

My Dad boarded and you're completely right that my grandparents were vague and disinterested parents before he went, so boarding school did him the world of good as he was shown warmth and affection.

I went to a girls day school and we did some shared classes and school plays etc with one of the most famous boys boarding schools in sixth form. I remember we found the boys much younger than us and our friends- not allowed cars at school, curfew at the weekend, not allowed out in the evenings. We were horrified that they weren't allowed clubbing on a Thursday Grin

Do you think there's any obvious traits of who would or wouldn't suit boarding?

legoninjago1 · 03/02/2020 08:05

Do you think there's any obvious traits of who would or wouldn't suit boarding?

Very good question. I'd like to know this too - and from what age you can start to tell ....in general of course.

Napcrackleandpop · 03/02/2020 18:49

@LouH1981 I don't have much to do with the younger boarders but I find it hard to imagine leaving my children so young. I think the junior boarding house staff do find it hard to comfort them sometimes - we are allowed to give hugs. If they are poorly their parents come and get them (or other relative if parents are out the country).

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Napcrackleandpop · 03/02/2020 18:53

@DreamingofSunshine we have about a fifth international pupils overall, so just under half the boarders.

In terms of traits, it's difficult because there are so many different personalities among our students. They have to be independent enough to manage, and I would say extroverts have an easier time because there is very little privacy. It's also maturity, by sixth form I think most pupils are fine in boarding.

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WingDefence · 04/02/2020 11:38

Hi @Napcrackleandpop. My DS is due to start weekly state boarding in September. Apparently they don't ban contact for those first two weeks (he'll be staying the first weekend) but from your experience, how much contact should we be aiming at in that precious time? I don't want to disturb him or make him homesick with lots of texts/calls etc but similarly I don't want him to think we aren't interested (because I know I'll be desperate to hear all about it!). Flowers

Drabarni · 04/02/2020 11:42

Ha ha, glad you started the thread.
Question: How can a parent make sure they are on top of what their child is doing academically if they aren't a natural communicator.
You can't really email the teachers everyday.
Don't get me wrong I know that we would be informed of any problems but it just feels sometimes like we aren't in the loop.
Apart from asking her more questions about her day is there anything else you could suggest.

Butterymuffin · 04/02/2020 23:11

Hello, came over from the other thread. All very interesting.
With the flexi boarders, do they keep the same room/bed and it's just left empty when they're not there? How easy is it to change the nights they flexi board, or does that tend to stay the same? Thinking of what you said about medic parents on night shifts.
Do they get single bedrooms, or how many share and at what ages? My memories of Malory Towers was of dorms with at least 8 kids in.

Napcrackleandpop · 05/02/2020 07:33

@WingDefence I recommend you speak to the houseparents at his school - we find phoning home every day when they are homesick doesn't help some pupils, but others might appreciate a text each morning.
@Drabarni - the age old problem with teenagers! I think you will just have to ask, and if in doubt, email the teachers/form tutor.

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Eledamorena · 05/02/2020 15:22

I can help a bit with questions about younger boarders - I've worked in senior boarding but also ran a co-ed prep house for several years. Most of our kids were Year 6-8 so not too little, but we had a handful of Year 4-5 and one year we had a Year 3.

They mostly coped extremely well and they were all boarders for 'good' reasons (almost entirely military families). They had good relationships with their parents, who were mostly new to boarding and not necessarily at ease with the idea but who did very well to buy into it and be positive about it.

I remember saying at interview that I did not want the job if I wasn't allowed to touch the children, as the one thing you would hope every child gets at home is physical contact so if they want that in the boarding house, they should get it! Some of the younger ones would hold my hand walking to the dining hall or even sit on my lap if we were just hanging out. Others didn't need any physical comfort at all.

One thing that surprised me about younger boarders was that parents would send them without what I would consider pretty basic skills for boarding life, e.g. tying shoelaces, washing/plaiting their own hair. I expected to tie a lot of ties at the start of the year and to help with changing bedlinen til they got to grips with it, but I assumed parents would make sure their kids could deal with their own shoes! But it's fine, they help each other, staff help, and they learn.

I never really got upset comforting a child but the hardest calls to make were to a parent when their child was very sick or injured. Telling a mother who simply cannot be there that you are in hospital with their child is tough. I did get very upset once when a Year 8 student was having a full meltdown on the phone and it transpired her aunt had called her from her home country to try to get her to talk her father down from physically attacking her mother... that was horrendous. But not at all linked to boarding, except that the reason I was there was because she was a boarder. That's the only time I've ever cried with a student.

Generally I would agree with OP that if kids have good family relationships boarding will not damage that, and if they have distant relationships they will remain so. I think some kids benefit massively from the stability of boarding and others just enjoy it for the social aspect.

Full disclaimer - I was a boarder myself from 8-18 and I would consider boarding for my own children if they were interested. I think being on staff in a boarding house is a very special job and I absolutely loved it, I only stopped because it just wasn't doable at my particular school with children of my own.

Napcrackleandpop · 05/02/2020 18:03

@Eledamorena completely agree! Even with the older ones, they need a hug and a shoulder to cry on sometimes and it is so important to be able to give them that.

@Butterymuffin no, flexi boarders don't get to keep their own beds. Most of them have 2-3 set nights and the bed is 'theirs' those nights and another flexi board's the others. Extra nights we slot them in somewhere if we can. Weekly boarders have their own beds.
Rooms are singles by sixth form, mostly between 2 or 3 for 14-17, and in years 7-8 it is mostly 4 to a room.

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Napcrackleandpop · 05/02/2020 18:04

Sorry, between 2 or 3 for 14-16 (years 9-11). Typo there.

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Drabarni · 05/02/2020 18:08

Thanks, it's a nightmare trying to get her to communicate at times. Grin

My dd school has a fair few Chinese students who unfortunately have to stay with their guardians over a two week half term.
I am hoping to take dd over to meet some of them, maybe go to a movie. I won't be on my own with them as don't hold a db, but just to be another pair of hands.
Do you have Chinese students and is your school doing anything for them over the holiday?
I feel so sorry for them, some are the primary kids too.

Itwasntme1 · 05/02/2020 18:59

Any bunk beds😊

EyeDrops · 05/02/2020 19:09

Giving a wave as I also work in boarding! Houseparent of a junior house. Its tough at times but such a special job. Its so important, and so rewarding.

TigerCameForTea · 05/02/2020 19:12

Another House Parent here! 👋 I love my job!
What part of the country are you in OP?

Napcrackleandpop · 06/02/2020 08:00

No bunk beds, although some schools do for younger ones.

@Drabarni that's a great idea. My Chinese pupils are concerned about family back home and can't go home at halfterm so any activity that distracts them and gives them time with their friends is helpful.

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otterhound · 07/02/2020 10:32

How things have changed.

When I boarded our parents dropped us off at the beginning of term and picked us up again at half term! We had 1 payphone that only did out going calls so in reality had very little contact with my parents from 14-18!
I did love it though!

TeenPlusTwenties · 07/02/2020 12:45

otter I agree things seem to have changed massively re contact with parents and general pastoral care. I boarded early 80s and as far as I was concerned pastoral care was pretty much non existent.

I think 'boarding school syndrome' is actually probably quite relevant for boarding in 'the old days', even if not relevant for today's boarders.

otterhound · 07/02/2020 14:51

I boarded then as well

The term ‘pastoral care’ didn’t even exist back then. And if it had one would have assumed it meant getting buggered by the head boy!

It was was a case of sink or swim!
But that said boarding school of bygone eras ie pre 80’s was pretty brutal

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