Health Visitor AMA

[Smile18]

Thought this may help a few people. I'm currently on mat leave myself and have become a new member of Mumsnet. Would like to help new mums/dads out there if I can.

Op do you think the public understand your role? I read a lot of complaining about HV on Mn and other parenting groups and inevitably it’s really odd and seems to be more around a misunderstanding in your remit and role rather than something wrong with the HV or HVing service. Examples include not providing professional 121 breastfeeding support for complex situations, asking questions of new parents, not always being able to give the most up to date advice on car seats etc, not having an awareness of unevidenced parenting styles ie attachment parenting

are you fully trained in sleep hygiene?
are you up to date in autism guidelines?

how do you stay up to date with it all?

Do use actually care if our hair hasn’t been brushed, if we are in our pjs, if there’s some dishes in the sink? After the birth of my twins my HV made me feel horrendous if I wasn’t dressed or if the house wasn’t a show home by 10am. Poking her head in my fridge etc. I ending up telling her not to bother visiting anymore & blocked her number.

But do you think it’s the HV role to be up to date in everything pertaining to children under 5 eleanor? everything??

my HV was great in that she told me exactly how to claim tax credits

No question but I wanted to say thank you for the job you do and to balance out the posts about bad ones.

Two different health visitors actaully really really helped me when I really needed it. 1st time DD had undiagnosed milk intolerance and I was getting nowhere with the GP. She didn't sleep, was losing weight and GP repeatedly fobbed me off. HV stepped in and referred her to the dietician immediately and called and called the hospital to make sure we got an urgent appointment. Saved me from spiralling with PND.

Second time I had concerns with DD's development and I was concerned about ASD. GP and nursery weren't interested. HV didn't immediately notice anything but she took me seriously and agreed to see her at nursery. She clearly knew her stuff because she noticed lots of flags that nursery had missed and she referred her. I cannot describe the relief that someone believed me (DD was later diagnosed).

A good HV can make such a difference!

are your a HV @Passthecherrycoke?

@thisusernameun I'm so sorry that you felt so unsupported from your HV. Well done you for continuing to breast feed you should be very proud. There is definitely no script on the health visiting role as such. We are given guidelines by the government as to the core contacts we must complete. This does differ in each area. I'm awfully sorry that your HV did not pick up on your pnd this is often hard to diagnose. I'm outraged that your HV did not support you in bottle feeding. That definitely is part of our role. I am passionate about BF but I am very aware that not every woman wishes to BF so I will but sit in their house and tell them to breastfeed when they clearly don't want to. Fed is best!
With regards to the co sleeping - we do not advice for sleeping with your baby under the lullaby trust guidance HOWEVER if this is what mum and dad were saying they had decided to do then it's part of our role to discuss the safest way to co sleep. It's our role to explain to parents what the guidelines are and ultimately let the parents make their own informed choice.

@darkriver19886 absolutely! Unfortunately this is a far more regular occurrence than I'm comfortable with. It is very frustrating.

@Passthecherrycoke I agree not everyone understands the role of the HV and we do unfortunately sometimes get given a bad name.

@MrsFoxPlus4Again I can't speak for your area of HVs but personally absolutely not!! Being a new mum again myself I can completely sympathise with you. There's been many a time I've been to houses and the mums are extremely exhausted. Dint ever apologise for not being dressed/hairbrushes/pots washed. It's your house and we are there to see you and baby. Not inspect your house. Not sure why she went in the fridge either.

@Absoluteunit Thank you. I do believe that I am a good HV and I Like to go above and beyond for my families. Being on maternity leave myself again I can definitely see the other side of it. I just wanted to make this post to help and advise any one that needed it. It really is sad that so many of you feel let down by your HV. No mum should Feel like that.

@Passthecherrycoke attachment parenting and addressing attachment issues in adopted children are two completely different things. I'm hoping you're not a HV...

EightWellies

“@Passthecherrycoke attachment parenting and addressing attachment issues in adopted children are two completely different things. I'm hoping you're not a HV...”

I’m Completely confused by this question. I have only mentioned attachment parenting.

@passthecherrycoke I had previously mentioned HVs lack of knowledge on attachment issues. You came on very soon after and referenced people having unrealistic expectations of HVs knowledge in areas such as attachment parenting. It may be that there's no connection, you just hadn't read the whole thread and it's a coincidence.

Thanks @Smile18. I just wanted some support re getting him on the bottle. We ate now here at nearly 2 yo and he still has not had a bottle and is still breastfeeding. No one tells you about the toll it has on you as a mother. Re pnd I was lucky to have a gp who went out of her way.

My bad experience is with people on the HV team that aren't qualified health visitors. I guess this is a cost saving exercise, but why get a nursery nurse ( not an actual nurse, so misleading us mortals by name) to do 2 year checks? My son has a speech delay (now diagnosed by the NHS as one year behind his age) but at the two year check this Nursery nurse just kept saying things like "of course he can say 50 words" and basically saying I was worrying too much. She disrespected and disregarded my concerns. She then said call back if no progress or still concerned in 3 months to get me off her back. So I did, and she said "what do you expect us to do about it? " It actually made me cry her attitude. I didn't expect Her to do anything expect tell me how to get help. I ended up being told by another HV to self refer to NHS speech and language for an assessment. I think one bad experience does ruin it for the rest of the profession. I will not see her for my second child.

Oh goodness eightwellies no, I’m afraid I didn’t see your post at all- we posted 3 minutes apart and it took me longer than that to type. I was preferring to attachment parenting, not attachment re adoption or trauma at all. So sorry!

@Smile18

Why is there such a bad understanding of statistics in some of the HV community?

My daughter was born on the 91st centile, but she was also born at 42+2 by EMCS after I had been given a lot of IV fluids. I was given a hugely hard time of it by my HV when my daughter went down to the 75th centile over the course of the first two months, but she was still gaining weight, just not enough to satisfy the HV. She was happy sleeping well at night (which the HV told me was because she was so underfed she was just too sleepy?!) and progressively more alert during the day, hitting all her milestones with plenty of wet and dirty nappies. After weaning, she remains around the 65th centile (though she is still pretty tall) and eats like a horse - just like my husband and MIL, who are tall and slim. My (new) HV is extremely happy with her.

My point is that my daughter was 9lb 8 but pretty late. This is not adjusted for at all in the lines on the charts, unlike those who are born even a week early. Why the dogma? When I tried to query this with my original HV and got upset at her repeated insistence that my daughter was failing to thrive (despite me having queried this with the GP, who was very happy with her) she told me I was likely mentally ill and told me that I was harming my baby by not waking her every 3 hours at night to feed her at 8 weeks. This really upset me. I do understand that there needs to be a process to pick up those babies who are not gaining sufficient weight due to underlying health concerns, but I am not sure that the rigidity with which some HVs apply it is helpful - quite the opposite, as many people on MN and in real life then say that there is little science in the weighing and plotting and to ignore HVs, which also carries its own risks.

@thetoddleratemyhomework I'm so sorry you experienced this. It really upsets me that some mums out there are given bad advice by HVs and NNs. I'm afraid that it does happen and thus why HVs are given a bad name. The graphs in the red book are there for a guideline only. I'm. It really frustrates me that you weren't given the correct support. Ultimately mums know best for their baby. I'm glad you had a GP to be able to reassure your worries. Health visiting is about looking at the child and family with a holistic approach. Babies come in all shapes and sizes and who says which end of the scale is best. As long as baby is happy healthy and gaining weight then I'm not sure why your HV would even think, let alone suggest you had any MH issues this really wasn't helpful at all for you. From what you said it sounds like you have done a fantastic job with your daughter and it's a blessing that she has you for her mum.

@Smile18

Thanks very much. You sound like a much more sensible HV! Yes, I was definitely tired and a bit anxious and emotional, though probably no more than any other new mum might be, particularly when worried you might be failing your child, so I don't think it warranted the diagnosis!

No worries @passthecherrycoke . Glad we worked it out Still waiting for my response from @smile18 . I totally get that non-newborns are not HVs bread and butter, but we did have to have visits etc when both DDs came home and I'm wondering if there's a training gap for HVs there, or if they are meant to be offering something helpful and we were just unlucky both times.

My 3 year old had speech delay and appears to have the potential for some sort of diagnosis in the future along the lines of ASD. We aren't looking to peruse anything at present as she is absolutely thriving in school.

However. She bites her nails and sucks her thumb still.
She bites them so bad she's come to me SIL blood pouring over her hands. She now has a severe overbite and no amount of telling her to stop works. In fact she becomes seriously distressed.

I need help. I have taken her to a Dr and begged them to assist but was just told there's no magic medicine to get her to stop. I know there's not but there has got to be something! She's really hurting herself and I've exhausted absolutely everything I can do at home.

Is there anyone I can turn to for help?

@Contraceptionismyfriend you poor love. Ok first of all try not to worry. I know this is frustrating for you to watch. But often bringing her awareness to it may cause it to get worse. Over 50% of children are nail biters and will just grow out of it. Have you tried to distract her when you see her start to do this? Have you tried bite - averting nail polish? Reward charts to really praise her when she doesn't bite them? You could try giving your daughter something to play with like a small toy or I have known fidget spinners to help in this situation.
Have you found what triggers this for her? For example is she going to bite / suck when she's tired, frustrated, hungry? Can you identify this?
As for the thumb sucking again this is often just age related also. It is a reflex that all babies are born with and it's a way of soothing them. Often when they are stressed or sleepy. Thumb sucking isn't usually a concern until their permanent teeth come in. If you are still worried then you can talk to your dentist about this. But please try not to worry as often drawing more attention to it will just reinforce the fact to your daughter. Good luck.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

Yes we try distracting. But there is no distracting if that makes sense. It's an obsession that must be done.

We did try the nail biting varnish. She bit through it. Moaned about her mouth, made the connection between her mouth and the nail vanish and won't let me come near her with it 🤦‍♀️

She doesn't go long enough to reward. I've had my nails done and she loved them. So I bought her nail varnish and said we could paint them if she didn't bite them. She just said no she didn't want to. Even though seconds before she was begging for it.

She is obsessed with tags. If she finds a good tag she will even show it to me.
She has a tag blanket which we hopped would work. She loves it but uses it with the nail biting and thumb sucking.

There doesn't seem to be any triggers it's constant. I worried it was a stress thing but I don't believe it is now and she was doing it while we were wrapped up in a blanket watching her favourite film. That's her heaven so there be no problems.

We were given a soap/moisturiser for her hands to fight off any infections as the Dr was worried that with eczema and the open cuts she would be prone to infections.

Thank you. The dentist just told us to make her stop. Which is very helpful lol.

@Contraceptionismyfriend
Not at all helpful from your dentist I would be intrigued to know just what they mean by "make her stop"
It sounds like your doing your upmost to help the situation so well done you. I am afraid that there is no quick fix and to me it sounds like it is a habit for your daughter. The best thing you can do is just persevere for now. I know that's not the answer you were looking for so I do apologise. My son went through a stage of clicking with his mouth - it drove me up the wall and was very frustrating and I tried everything, in the end he did stop thankfully. Now he's in the middles of an attitude state which unfortunately there is no cure for and I'm told lasts a good few years 😢
I hope it eases for you and of course your daughter soon. But well done mummy for your efforts in helping her.

Thank you so much. Even the assurance that it's normal is helpful.

My son has begun to do a 'baby voice' at the age of 5 after impeccable speech from 15 months old.

I am considering selling him.

Good luck with your son 😂

@Contraceptionismyfriend, can i jump in and say I bought my dd a Chew bracelet for autism, from amazon, as recommended
arriving today