Health Visitor AMA

[Smile18]

Thought this may help a few people. I'm currently on mat leave myself and have become a new member of Mumsnet. Would like to help new mums/dads out there if I can.

[Staceywaceywooo]

What training do you do to become a HV? I'm not sure if that's a silly question or not 😂.

I saw a HV today for my sons 2 year check, she was so lovely and helpful and I came out wondering how you get into that line of work.

[Smile18]

@camelandsushi I'm glad you had a good HV. It's hard to say if this is a HV or not. It is possible - more possible as you say she is on AD. However also just as possible for a key worker to be involved. Sorry not much help there. It sounds like your SIL is getting the support she needs though so that's reassuring. HVs are there for the whole family as well as the children.

[camelandsushi]

Ah I loved my HV!

Question, my SIL has a 16m old and is seen by her HV daily? My MIL refers to her as her key worker but SIL HV. Why would this be? I know SIL is on anti depressants, would this be why?

[Smile18]

@Hubstar Sorry about this. I can imagine that was extremely frustrating for you and your baby.
May I please ask what illness your child had?

[Hubstar]

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow. Similar experience. First HV told me I was depressed and to think nothing about it. Turns out I was dying from a rare complication of birth. Had I of listened to her. I wouldn’t be here to tell the tail. Baby was born very early and very tiny.

Second baby. Same thing. Very early. Very tiny. First hc was crap. Kept telling me lighting doesn’t struck twice. Baby ended up at hospital because they didn’t listen. Finally got an hv who marched herself up to my go surgery and sorted everything out.

First lot kept telling me I had to get my child weighed every 2 weeks. If she didn’t put on weight. I was referred to the pead dr who kept telling me to ignore the hv. As she didn’t know the illness my child had. It was horrid. You’re not the only one xx

[Smile18]

@baffledbeyondbelief gosh how are you? I hope your able to recover I know that's often a challenge with children around.
Please don't be alarmed this is our protocol. I'm sure your HV was just making sure you are ok. If there is any support you feel you may need please give her a call back.

@basicwitches many congratulations to you on the up coming birth of your baby. How are you? Did you find out the sex of baby? In my personal opinion - yes - she should visit you more frequently. You have indicated in the first initial visit that you have concerns. You will be seen again when baby is born however if I was your HV I would be arranging a visit again soon if I was able too before baby was born to spend time discussing your worries. Your HV should do this however not all HVs are able to do this due to many restrictions on visits I am sorry to say. However please ring her or the team and ask a visit if you would like one before baby arrives. Do you have a number for her? This is a positive step for you so may I say well done for asking for the help. I really hope you get it.
I am here if you need anything. 💐

[basicwitches]

I met my health visitor the other week before baby is born (due 8th) and when she asked about how i felt about it all and lrevious MH issues i broke down and said i was still struggling to get my head around it all. In that circumstance would you then visit more frequently? I would like it if she did BUT i don't know how to ask for the help, so i'm wondering if she'd do it off her own back?

[baffledbeyondbelief]

Hello, I had an accident at the home the other day and ended up badly burnt. Came home from hospital to a message on my answerphone from my HV 'just checking if I was ok' I wondered why? My youngest DC has just turned 2 and neither child was involved.

I know I could just ring and ask just they was no indication that I needed to return her call. I'm fine btw.

[Smile18]

@EleanorReally Interesting, I've not heard of these before. I will do some research. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

[Smile18]

@Evilmorty
This does upset me. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I can see why you have your opinions of HVs. Please be assured that we are not all the same. I can't comment on your experience. All I can say is that you should of been given better advice and definitely more support.
It really angers me reading through some of these posts that women are often left feeling let down by their HV. It's really not how it should be. Being on mat leave has given me the perspective I needed in order to go back to work and bring up some issues with my line manager and how we can improve not just in my area but service wide. I am very passionate that every child, every mum, every family has exactly the same support. Sorry for your experience. I do hope now that you and your child are well. Thank you for your post.

[Evilmorty]

I am so very suspicious of HVs. In fact all the experiences I had with DC1 were horrific. I took him to clinic every week as I was told to. I spoke with a HV every time as he was not gaining weight in line with his centile and I was BF. I had lots of people tell me to just keep going even when I said “should I be mix feeding” “should I try formula” and then when he got to 0.02% one said he obviously needed to have special formula on prescription. He didn’t. He and I just needed one of those 12 women to say yes, give him a bit of formula if you want to, he isn’t thriving. Not one woman said it and then when one woman did she misunderstood the question and assumed an allergy. I was in despair, I was told to carry on BFing by everyone and my son would have been hospitalised if I’d listened.

Often one error by a health professional can go down as gospel and no matter what you say it is taken as fact. One of them at the start had trouble understanding how to read a graph and insisted I was wrong. I had to get her colleague to check her work and when told she was wrong she just huffed af me like it was my fault she can’t do a task that is the mainstay of her work.

Not to mention that I didn’t even get a home visit until he was 19 weeks old. So when a HV came for the second two babies my instant reaction was, ok what terrible and potentially dangerous advice are you going to give me this time because you simply don’t listen.

I was dismissed at every turn. I eventually made a complaint, the head HV came (this was the first home visit at 19 weeks) and said yes, he may need formula top up. My son gained 1lb in a week.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Thank you so much @EleanorReally I am going to get one now!!

[EleanorReally]

@Contraceptionismyfriend, can i jump in and say I bought my dd a Chew bracelet for autism, from amazon, as recommended
arriving today

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Thank you so much. Even the assurance that it's normal is helpful.

My son has begun to do a 'baby voice' at the age of 5 after impeccable speech from 15 months old.

I am considering selling him.

Good luck with your son 😂

[Smile18]

@Contraceptionismyfriend
Not at all helpful from your dentist I would be intrigued to know just what they mean by "make her stop"
It sounds like your doing your upmost to help the situation so well done you. I am afraid that there is no quick fix and to me it sounds like it is a habit for your daughter. The best thing you can do is just persevere for now. I know that's not the answer you were looking for so I do apologise. My son went through a stage of clicking with his mouth - it drove me up the wall and was very frustrating and I tried everything, in the end he did stop thankfully. Now he's in the middles of an attitude state which unfortunately there is no cure for and I'm told lasts a good few years 😢
I hope it eases for you and of course your daughter soon. But well done mummy for your efforts in helping her.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

Yes we try distracting. But there is no distracting if that makes sense. It's an obsession that must be done.

We did try the nail biting varnish. She bit through it. Moaned about her mouth, made the connection between her mouth and the nail vanish and won't let me come near her with it 🤦‍♀️

She doesn't go long enough to reward. I've had my nails done and she loved them. So I bought her nail varnish and said we could paint them if she didn't bite them. She just said no she didn't want to. Even though seconds before she was begging for it.

She is obsessed with tags. If she finds a good tag she will even show it to me.
She has a tag blanket which we hopped would work. She loves it but uses it with the nail biting and thumb sucking.


There doesn't seem to be any triggers it's constant. I worried it was a stress thing but I don't believe it is now and she was doing it while we were wrapped up in a blanket watching her favourite film. That's her heaven so there be no problems.

We were given a soap/moisturiser for her hands to fight off any infections as the Dr was worried that with eczema and the open cuts she would be prone to infections.

Thank you. The dentist just told us to make her stop. Which is very helpful lol.

[Smile18]

@Contraceptionismyfriend you poor love. Ok first of all try not to worry. I know this is frustrating for you to watch. But often bringing her awareness to it may cause it to get worse. Over 50% of children are nail biters and will just grow out of it. Have you tried to distract her when you see her start to do this? Have you tried bite - averting nail polish? Reward charts to really praise her when she doesn't bite them? You could try giving your daughter something to play with like a small toy or I have known fidget spinners to help in this situation.
Have you found what triggers this for her? For example is she going to bite / suck when she's tired, frustrated, hungry? Can you identify this?
As for the thumb sucking again this is often just age related also. It is a reflex that all babies are born with and it's a way of soothing them. Often when they are stressed or sleepy. Thumb sucking isn't usually a concern until their permanent teeth come in. If you are still worried then you can talk to your dentist about this. But please try not to worry as often drawing more attention to it will just reinforce the fact to your daughter. Good luck.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

My 3 year old had speech delay and appears to have the potential for some sort of diagnosis in the future along the lines of ASD. We aren't looking to peruse anything at present as she is absolutely thriving in school.

However. She bites her nails and sucks her thumb still.
She bites them so bad she's come to me SIL blood pouring over her hands. She now has a severe overbite and no amount of telling her to stop works. In fact she becomes seriously distressed.

I need help. I have taken her to a Dr and begged them to assist but was just told there's no magic medicine to get her to stop. I know there's not but there has got to be something! She's really hurting herself and I've exhausted absolutely everything I can do at home.

Is there anyone I can turn to for help?

[EightWellies]

No worries @passthecherrycoke . Glad we worked it out Still waiting for my response from @smile18 . I totally get that non-newborns are not HVs bread and butter, but we did have to have visits etc when both DDs came home and I'm wondering if there's a training gap for HVs there, or if they are meant to be offering something helpful and we were just unlucky both times.

[thetoddleratemyhomework]

@Smile18

Thanks very much. You sound like a much more sensible HV! Yes, I was definitely tired and a bit anxious and emotional, though probably no more than any other new mum might be, particularly when worried you might be failing your child, so I don't think it warranted the diagnosis!

[Smile18]

@thetoddleratemyhomework I'm so sorry you experienced this. It really upsets me that some mums out there are given bad advice by HVs and NNs. I'm afraid that it does happen and thus why HVs are given a bad name. The graphs in the red book are there for a guideline only. I'm. It really frustrates me that you weren't given the correct support. Ultimately mums know best for their baby. I'm glad you had a GP to be able to reassure your worries. Health visiting is about looking at the child and family with a holistic approach. Babies come in all shapes and sizes and who says which end of the scale is best. As long as baby is happy healthy and gaining weight then I'm not sure why your HV would even think, let alone suggest you had any MH issues this really wasn't helpful at all for you. From what you said it sounds like you have done a fantastic job with your daughter and it's a blessing that she has you for her mum.

[thetoddleratemyhomework]

@Smile18

Why is there such a bad understanding of statistics in some of the HV community?

My daughter was born on the 91st centile, but she was also born at 42+2 by EMCS after I had been given a lot of IV fluids. I was given a hugely hard time of it by my HV when my daughter went down to the 75th centile over the course of the first two months, but she was still gaining weight, just not enough to satisfy the HV. She was happy sleeping well at night (which the HV told me was because she was so underfed she was just too sleepy?!) and progressively more alert during the day, hitting all her milestones with plenty of wet and dirty nappies. After weaning, she remains around the 65th centile (though she is still pretty tall) and eats like a horse - just like my husband and MIL, who are tall and slim. My (new) HV is extremely happy with her.

My point is that my daughter was 9lb 8 but pretty late. This is not adjusted for at all in the lines on the charts, unlike those who are born even a week early. Why the dogma? When I tried to query this with my original HV and got upset at her repeated insistence that my daughter was failing to thrive (despite me having queried this with the GP, who was very happy with her) she told me I was likely mentally ill and told me that I was harming my baby by not waking her every 3 hours at night to feed her at 8 weeks. This really upset me. I do understand that there needs to be a process to pick up those babies who are not gaining sufficient weight due to underlying health concerns, but I am not sure that the rigidity with which some HVs apply it is helpful - quite the opposite, as many people on MN and in real life then say that there is little science in the weighing and plotting and to ignore HVs, which also carries its own risks.

[Passthecherrycoke]

Oh goodness eightwellies no, I’m afraid I didn’t see your post at all- we posted 3 minutes apart and it took me longer than that to type. I was preferring to attachment parenting, not attachment re adoption or trauma at all. So sorry!

[sleepingdogssnore]

My bad experience is with people on the HV team that aren't qualified health visitors. I guess this is a cost saving exercise, but why get a nursery nurse ( not an actual nurse, so misleading us mortals by name) to do 2 year checks? My son has a speech delay (now diagnosed by the NHS as one year behind his age) but at the two year check this Nursery nurse just kept saying things like "of course he can say 50 words" and basically saying I was worrying too much. She disrespected and disregarded my concerns. She then said call back if no progress or still concerned in 3 months to get me off her back. So I did, and she said "what do you expect us to do about it? " It actually made me cry her attitude. I didn't expect Her to do anything expect tell me how to get help. I ended up being told by another HV to self refer to NHS speech and language for an assessment. I think one bad experience does ruin it for the rest of the profession. I will not see her for my second child.

[thisusernameun]

Thanks @Smile18. I just wanted some support re getting him on the bottle. We ate now here at nearly 2 yo and he still has not had a bottle and is still breastfeeding. No one tells you about the toll it has on you as a mother. Re pnd I was lucky to have a gp who went out of her way.