Bulimic for 14 years.....AMA

[MrsandMrsonedaysoon]

I had bulimia for 14 years after seeking help the the Eating Disorder Service I am healthy and fully recovered for the last year. I very nearly died on 2 different occasions and ended up with problems with my body. If I can help a parent or anyone that may need advice or noticing odd behaviours from their children or anyone they know. I hope I can be of some help.

Congratulations on being recovered for the last year. Can I ask was there one thing that really sunk in to make you stop?

Thank you. Honestly it was the fear of my loved ones that if this didn’t stop they where going to lose me and it took a lot of courage to accept that this wasn’t my life and that I had more to live for. I had bulimic since i was 15 and had gradually got worse over the years but it all came to a head when one day I decided to stop eating and 6 weeks later not a morsle of food entered my mouth i did this twice. Even the look on my mums face when she caught me falling after having a seizure didn’t deter me everything was through one ear and out of the other. It’s something I had to want and a decision to get better I had to come to me on decision.

No questions but I also wanted to say congratulations for beating this horrible illness, it's a huge achievement.

What do you think triggered it?

Is it weight related, or deeper than that?

Were you underweight?

I’m bulimic and desperate to get better. I went to GP last year. Told her everything and she prescribed me sertraline and sent me on my way.
I have 3 children, A lovely partner, a good job. I don’t know why I’m like this.
It’s reassuring to know recovery is possible. I just don’t know how to get there. Every time I purge I think “this is the last time”. But I’m doing it a minimum of 3 times a day.
I just can’t see a way out.
Did you feel like this?

was it after binge eating that you would vomit or also after just a small amount of food?

how has it affected your body long term?

Amicrazy. Thank you it’s been a hard road but definitely for the better.

Always. No it’s a lot deeper than that when it first started it was weight over time it became more about control that it was the only thing in my life that I could control and the more things spiralled the more grip it had but it still had an element of weight to it. It all started when I read a magazine a couple weeks previously I had read a story about a girl who was bulimic the day it happened I just had a chicken burger I was never a confident person but I decided to wear a skirt and I got told I had tree trunks for legs and I had thunder thighs I ran to the toilets and did the deed then I learnt I could eat more and more and get rid of it. Eventually I abused laxatives and diuretics and diet pills. And I would excessively exercise and walk. I was never underweight bmi wise my lowest was just over 18 but for my body type I was skin and bones I would count my bones in my spine and take hundreds of photos to compare my body. At the time I had a lot of issues with my mum being ill my dad working away and having a nanny and a carer look after us. It was a big combination of things that cause this to start.

Steeee. Honestly it is the most scariest and amazing thing to do in your life. It’s always that first step and you have so much to live for. I know exactly how you feel about this is the last time and then when you try not to the anxiety gets to much it’s a never ending cycle untill you get that extra push to really go for it. I’d give your gp a call and make an appointment I never thought I’d recover and now I’m sitting here the happiest I have been in my life.

Blast. No it was only ever after a binge. I could binge anything up too 5000 cals in one session with multiple purges in between. It varied over the years from once a day to up to 8 times a day that was my life. If I only had a meal and not a binge it would stay down.

Blast. Sorry didn’t reply to your second message. Long term I have something called Long QD syndrome I have had various bouts hypokalamia and various electrolyte abnormalities but these have been stable since recovery I ended up with PCOS with having no children it’s a very big fear of mine but there is a connection between PCOS and bulimia. Fortunately my bone density is normal but Other than these my long term prognosis is about the same as any other person.

that's good to know, unfortunately one of nieces suffers from this along with anorexia & is has been receiving treatment as an in patient for quite a long time.

Do you have to make yourself purge or is it something that just happens naturally after a binge as your body has become used to the process?

Blast I’m so sorry to hear about your niece it’s awful it really is I hope she can get the recovery she deserves. Purging can mean anything to get rid of food from your body not just throwing up. In my case I took it to extremes. At my worst I used 40 laxatives a day 20 diuretics, diet pills, excessive exercise some days I would walk more bing till night doing 27 mile walks. When I wasn’t binging I was fasting it wasn’t unusual for me to go weeks just surging off water. I did throw up aswell only ever after a binge mostly using my fingers but sometimes I would Tail end of a spatula so the marks on my hand wernt so promement. But I was also able to use the muscles in my stomach to purge for me so I had a combination of methods in my arsenal.

thank you & thank you for the thread, it's very helpful

Your welcome if there’s anything else you would like to know I’d be more than happy to answer.

Very useful thread. Thanks.
I have huge problems with eating, and find that I can go from undereating (max 200 cals a day) for a few months, to feeling that I have to be better, which, for me, means swinging to the other extreme, and I overeat. I never feel that I can let go of the anxiety around eating. I was wondering how you find a balance, and if you still have to be really aware of how you eat or can you just forget about it?

Extremes in eating are very normal in people with an eating disorder. After all these years and possibly to a degree even now I don’t really know what a normal eating pattern is. Even though I have recovered I still have issues with eating too much or not enough sometimes I’m still very aware of what I’m eating to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever have a good relationship with food but providing I’m not back to where I was I’m happy with where I am now. I actually broached this subject with my eating disorder nurse a couple years ago when I was still in the system and for some people they still have and possibly always will have that strained relationship with food but they just don’t act on it.