No friends

[Sunnymummy19]

.Hi, Ever since I was younger I’ve only ever had a handful of close friends (girls). I just find them extremely bitchy, and not at all genuine and my opinion has still not changed. The only thing is over the years I’ve managed to lose my handful of friends from being stubborn and putting myself and relationships first. I have 3 friendships left but even they are strained and messaging is hard work, we live about 30mins drive apart . 1 which I class as my best friend becomes a war of who is a better mum and who done what etc. She puts down where I live and who I’m with and over the last 3-4 months our relationship has just gone to non existent. The other 2 work full time and have 2 kids and are just generally busy which I understand. I have a 2 year old who I look after Full time apart from 2 mornings and work part time from home, my son is my absolute life and never go out or do anything without my little boy but I’m feeling incredibly lonely not having anyone to talk to other than my husband and my 2 year old. I can’t make new friends as I haven’t got the confidence and I instantly dislike people if I don’t get a good vibe (it’s just the way I am).i have tried messaging my friends and tried suggesting meeting up, general conversation etc but I don’t get anything back other than a short message 3 day Later but they are busy. I am extremely close to my mum but I would like a friend my own age. I have been a nasty and selfish in the past but since having my little boy it has changed me as a person and I would like to have a friend to message when I’m having a bad day or something good happens and they reply that day or even the next. I did have a really good friend but since I got married and settled down and had a baby I was no use to her going out etc so I never hear off her although I do try and message her. I feel like a fool spending my time messaging people who don’t reply but at least I have some hope I still have a friend. I wish I could go back and change how I have done things, spoke to people etc but I am trying to put things right now. I have always helped people out with money and always had birthday presents on time etc. Do you think I should just give up and wait for my “friends” to message me ? Or should I try harder ? Thanks any advice welcomed.

I think you should back off a bit. What you have before you is opportunities to meet mums of children that your own little one will be spending time with. Start having some play dates and try not to judge people so instantly. All of us have our own best bits and bad bits. It's called being human. You sound like you are way to quick to write potential friends off

It sounds like your best friends are not real friends at all and I wouldn't bother messaging them and let the friendship just die.

It is worrying you see all women as bitchy though, it sounds from your description that you have been mutually bitchy in the past but seen the error of your ways.

Do you go to any activities with your son where you can maybe meet a few women with something in common?

You sound lonely OP. I dont have many friends but the few I do are amazing. Been friends with 2 for over 40 years, thefew others were from a toddler group and one a n old neighbour. I dont need lots of friends at all as is not the amount of friends that count but the quality of the friendship. But bring a new mum really can be lonely - maybe join a local group - a baby group might be a good start but even a book club, walking, the gym, something that you have an interest in. you need to you say you have been selfish in the past - we all have. Friendship is a 2 way street, you know that now, so you will be a better friend .

I feel for you. Making new friends when you are shy is difficut, but

and I instantly dislike people if I don’t get a good vibe

I think this ^^ is very telling. I don't dislike people unless I have good reason to. I suspect that your instant dislike comes across to any potential friend and they back off.

I am not from where I currently live so had to start making friends from scratch. I made a small group of friends through taking DD to toddler group, and one very good friend from when DD was at primary school. I also made a good friend from when I was a parent governor at DD's secondary school.

Having DD made it easy to get into conversation with other parents as there is always some common ground. Often it started as "how is your DD getting on at preschool/school?" and went on from there.

You might want to ask mn to move this as you've posted in ama so might get more/better responses in chat or something?

Op you really need to work on judging people straight away and being open to new friendships. Some of my absolute best friends are people I didn't necessarily have a 'good vibe' off when first meeting. We all have our off days and you've no idea what's going on in someone's life when you first meet them or what their own insecurities/anxieties are about talking to someone new.

Think about what it is you'd like a friend to be to you, how they would talk to you/take interest/be non-judgemental, and try to be that person yourself.

It's my first post so I think I got confused where to post, sorry if I posted in the wrong place. Just to respond to a few people my insecurities from think most women are bitches etc are from when I was 18 and my best friend at the time fell pregnant with someone I was seeing, and ever since then I haven't been able to trust 100%. I feel if someone swears and talks in a manner which isn't nice I am not going to warm to them and thats just who I am. I am shy and sit back and observe things and probably that's why I am more judgmental but it is my fault I'm like this I know that. I have been o baby groups when he was younger and I did chat to people and sat by the same people etc but never out of class. Thanks for your posts.