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I'm raising my younger sister AMA

10 replies

leafie · 13/11/2019 12:05

She has been living with me since she was 6 and is now 11

OP posts:
grandmasterstitch · 14/11/2019 09:01

How old are you? What led to her being placed with you?

FredaFrogspawn · 14/11/2019 09:04

Is your relationships to all intents and purposes that of parent and child? Or does it feel different because of your sibling relationship?

leafie · 14/11/2019 10:08

@grandmasterstitch I'm 28, our mum unfortunately passed away suddenly and I managed to get kinship care of her after that

@FredaFrogspawn it's quite hard to explain but our relationship is somewhere inbetween parent and child and a sibling relationship. To begin with our relationship wasn't your typical sibling relationship because of how much older I am but we were still close and I was the fun older sister who didn't tell her what to do and often encouraged her to misbehave. Obviously that's changed because I've been the one disciplining her for the past 5 years but that side to our relationship is still there and comes out when we're more relaxed and I'm not being the "parent".

OP posts:
crosser62 · 14/11/2019 10:12

With the sudden death of your mum, how did you even know where to start with kinship/legalities of taking over the care of your sister?
What about practical things like your mums home/finances/bills/funeral costs etc.
You were thrown in with such abrupt suddenness, how on earth did you know where to start as well as dealing with your own and a small child’s grief?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/11/2019 10:18

OP Flowers.

Did you get to grieve or did you just have to cope and care for others?

What support do you have and have you had?

leafie · 14/11/2019 11:02

I researched, spoke to others, I wanted to know whether I could be the one to take care of my sister. I suppose it helped in some ways because I had something else to focus on and I didn't want to feel as if I'd lost my sister too. My mum was renting at the time so it wasn't too difficult to sort out, I inherited some money from my mum though she didn't have a will, that went towards funeral costs. I had a lot of support from other family members and family friends through this as honestly I wasn't sure where to start.

It was a really tough time, for a while I think I was in denial of what was happening, it took me a long time to come to terms with it and yet I was trying to help my sister to. I can't say I knew what I was doing really because I didn't at all but I learnt how to cope and it got easier as time went on and we got into a routine. We talked about our mum a lot and we still do, that helped with grieving as I didn't her to be an upsetting subject to talk about and I wanted my sister to still be able to remember her and all the happy times with her. A lot of my grieving was done when I had a few minutes to myself to have a quick cry or around certain people

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YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/11/2019 11:12

Do you still have support? Who looks after you?

gracepoolesrum · 14/11/2019 11:16

Did you have to go through the court system to get care of her? Was it a battle or did the court readily agree? Is her dad in the picture at all?

Sorry for the loss of your mum Flowers

OVienna · 14/11/2019 11:35

Do you feel this will affect whether you want to have your own children later?

Are the mums nice to you at the school gate?

How are you treated by the school??

Dating???? Do you have a partner?

How do you see your relationship with your sister progressing? Do you envision more of a sibling role later? Do you think you will be in the same page wit how it progresses???

I hope you have good support in your life.

leafie · 14/11/2019 23:09

@YetAnotherSpartacus I have some support through friends and family but I wouldn't say anyone looks after me

@gracepoolesrum I think it was similar to the normal fostering process where they looked at my situation and how suitable I was to care for her then I went through court to be approved. It wasn't too much of a battle really, It went much smoother than I thought it would. Her dad isn't in the picture, he hasn't been since she was very young.

@OVienna I think caring for her has made me realise how difficult having a child is but also how amazing it is too. She's also kind of filled in for the fact that I'd always wanted to have children from a young age, if life had turned out differently I might have by now but I'm quite happy to wait a good few years and take the decision more seriously than I probably would have done.

I get on with the mum's at her school quite well, most of them are nice and friendly and I've gotten to know them fairly well over the years. I've never had any problems with her school really, they've treated me like any other parent or guardian. I do have a partner yes.

I think our relationship might change as she gets older, I haven't really thought out it much but once she's grown up and no longer living with me I'll probaby have much less of a parental role but I'm happy as long we're still close and she feels she can turn to me for help with anything

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