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AMA

I grew up in care- AMA

23 replies

Starskies · 24/10/2019 19:10

I was placed into foster care at age 9, I had a few different foster placement but spent most of my time in a children's home

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anotherday4 · 24/10/2019 19:24

Would you say it's affected you in any way ? Xx

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formerbabe · 24/10/2019 19:28

Hi op...I'd like to ask about the children's home...did you have your own room? If you needed clothes, toiletries, school uniform etc, would someone take you shopping or would you get money to buy it yourself? If you needed help with homework, was there someone to help?

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Notnowokay · 24/10/2019 19:31

Was there ongoing support available to you after the age of 18?

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fartingrainbows · 24/10/2019 19:33

Does anybody (member of care staff, foster carer, teacher etc) stand out to you as being somebody who made a difference in your life (in a good way) and if so, how can I be that person to somebody else? Thanks

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StarbucksSmarterSister · 24/10/2019 19:36

Were the staff kind, was there one particular member of staff you had a rapport with? Was it the same home the whole time?

How did you do at school, I believe kids in homes often do poorly due to lack of support, etc.

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StarbucksSmarterSister · 24/10/2019 19:37

BTW, thank you for doing this thread

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SittingAround1 · 24/10/2019 19:38

Did the children's home feel like a home, somewhere you could feel safe and relax?
Did you prefer it to the foster placements?

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SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 24/10/2019 19:40

How did you end up in the care system? Don't worry about answering if it's too sensitive a subject for you.

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HRH2020 · 24/10/2019 20:13

What were your social workers like?

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Apolloanddaphne · 24/10/2019 20:20

Why did you end up on a home rather than remaining with foster carers?

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Starskies · 24/10/2019 20:42

Would you say it's affected you in any way?
My childhood in general has deffinetly played a big part in who I am now, my life before being in care had a big impact on me in a negative way. I think if I hadn't been in care I wouldn't be the person I am today (in a good way) although I had both negative and positive experiences.

did you have your own room? If you needed clothes, toiletries, school uniform etc, would someone take you shopping or would you get money to buy it yourself? If you needed help with homework, was there someone to help?
Yes I had my own room. We were given pocket money/an allowance every week which included toiletries, clothes and so on as I got older I would take myself to get these things. We were also given money for schopl uniform, I would usually go with someone to get that. Staff were usually around to help with homework, sometimes they'd be busy but all you and to do was ask

Was there ongoing support available to you after the age of 18?
I was given some financial support but did honestly feel a bit like I'd been left on my own to fend for myself

Does anybody (member of care staff, foster carer, teacher etc) stand out to you as being somebody who made a difference in your life (in a good way) and if so, how can I be that person to somebody else? Thanks
I had a lovely english teacher at school who I often opened up to and she was just nice to have a chat with. I suppose because she was always very understanding of why I behaved in certain ways but also taught me why and how not to behave like that, she never gave up on me. Some of the staff at the home also made a big difference to my life, just knowing they were there and I could talk to them without any judgement.

Were the staff kind, was there one particular member of staff you had a rapport with? Was it the same home the whole time?
It was the same home, I don't think I had any particular problems with any of the staff, some I liked more than others but I knew deep down they were being responsible and simply doing their jobs whether I liked it or not.

How did you do at school, I believe kids in homes often do poorly due to lack of support, etc.
I didn't do terribly but I know I could have done a lot better, I missed a lot of school and didn't try as hard as I could have.

Did the children's home feel like a home, somewhere you could feel safe and relax?
Did you prefer it to the foster placements?

I settled in well to the children's home, I much preferred it to the foster home's I had been in, it felt like more like my own space than the foster placements that felt a bit like I was trying slot myself into someone else's home sometimes IYSWIM.

How did you end up in the care system? Don't worry about answering if it's too sensitive a subject for you
I'll be quite vague about this but there was abuse going on and it wasn't a safe or suitable home for me to be in

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Farontothemaddingcrowd · 24/10/2019 20:51

What is your life like now?

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Starskies · 24/10/2019 22:23

Why did you end up on a home rather than remaining with foster carers?
The first two foster placements were temporary or short term, the third was supposed to be long term but that fell through

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Leobynature · 24/10/2019 22:29

What were your social workers like?

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Starskies · 24/10/2019 22:50

I had 3 different social workers that worked with me over my time in care (that I remember). My first one was great but ended up leaving, the second I didn't get on so well with, she would talk down about me to others in front of me. My third was lovely and was my social worker for quite a long time

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Starskies · 24/10/2019 22:55

I would say I've gone on to live a good and fairly normal life, I have a decent job, I'm married, have an amazing son and a second child on the way

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SittingAround1 · 25/10/2019 09:06

What was the food like in the home? Who cooked? Did they give you lessons to prepare you for leaving home?

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Rainatnight · 25/10/2019 09:17

Hello, OP, thank you for starting this thread.

I’m an adoptive parent of two Who were removed from their birth parents at birth. Their older siblings have bounced around care, including different foster placements and a secure children’s home.

The received wisdom these days is that adoption would be better for children in those circumstances. Would you agree? I’m always interested to know the alternative perspective from someone who’s had the sort of life that you’ve had.

Thank you again for your post and sharing your story.

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Crinescene · 25/10/2019 16:56

Do you have siblings and If so were they in care too with you or placed separately?

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Starskies · 26/10/2019 11:03

What was the food like in the home? Who cooked? Did they give you lessons to prepare you for leaving home?
Breakfast and lunch was usually just picking what we wanted out of the kitchen, tea was a cooked meal by the staff members. We could join in with cooking if we wanted to (as long as we were sensible) and we were encouraged to learn to cook. I knew a fair bit by the time I left

The received wisdom these days is that adoption would be better for children in those circumstances. Would you agree?
I think it depends on the child. Some children would probably really benefit from adoption and being in a family but then there's other children that perhaps wouldn't or it could not work out the way it was planned to and that could really effect the child. Since every child is different I don't think it is nessacarily true but I'm sure it is in some cases

Do you have siblings and If so were they in care too with you or placed separately?
I have a half sister who went to live with her dad at the same time as I was placed into care

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Iputthescrewinthetuna · 26/10/2019 13:47

What was the bond like with other children in care with you?
Are you still in contact with them?

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Starskies · 27/10/2019 09:19

I'm in contact with a few of them. I made some really close friends, we fell out sometimes and there were lots of little arguments but for the most part I got with everyone

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Starskies · 27/10/2019 09:20

*got on with everyone

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