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AMA

I left a cult. AMA

70 replies

stillbeingwatched · 28/09/2019 23:59

I recently left a religious sect /cult.

AMA.

OP posts:
Fraggling · 29/09/2019 15:35

What /how did they 'keep' you? What did they offer / take to make you stay. Or was it so effective that you wanted to, for years?

MonsteraCheeseplant · 29/09/2019 15:37

What made you first reconsider your faith in the cult?

What was the final straw?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/09/2019 15:40

What was it that made them a ‘cult’?

What signs would you advise people to look out for that they might be getting involved in a cult?

Cornettoninja · 29/09/2019 15:53

What made you first reconsider your faith in the cult?

What was the final straw?

This is what I would like to ask too. What had been the best and worst thing so far?

Well done for getting the courage to leave.

ThatCurlyGirl · 29/09/2019 15:53

Had you heard about / been intrigued by cults before joining?

If so did you ignore the signs and find yourself lovebombed into joining? Or were you unaware of the signs to start with?

I've always been super interested (a little obsessed!) with cults but always wonder if I'd be susceptible to their methods.

Pinkyyy · 29/09/2019 15:59

Well done on leaving OP. Did you meet your DH in the cult?

TheMustressMhor · 29/09/2019 16:02

I bet it's the JWs.

stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:16

Sorry for delay - I'll answer now xx

OP posts:
stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:29

It was (is) a Christian based sect. They don't see themselves that way (as a cult) but I think that's delusional on their part.

We were there for a few years,

They accused my child of something and my husband defended them - which displeased the elders.

Confused and angry / hurt. He left (we weren't living on site at this time) and didn't return to the meetings , work and worship

He was also adamant the children were to never return.

I was "allowed" to stay, but I was constantly questioned about my home life, finances, faith, my path, my plans and dedication.

It was a strange place, from the outside it looked like a large out building.

Sometimes they would run activities and counselling services to and for the community, but always with the aim to recruit.

You HAD to give money - they checked your wages and had to agree to give a percentage.

Their were personal "levels" within the sect. A series of rooms off a corridor were cordoned off and only certain men were allowed to go into these rooms. To this day I don't know what was there. They called them prayer spaces.
My husband doesn't know either.

After a few months (I know I know... how could I stay??) I summoned the courage to leave. But it didn't go down well, and I was bombarded with letters and visitations and threats.

I was scared to leave, they really made me feel like I was a bad person if I did.

It wasn't a J.W sect - although there is one in the next town to us.

OP posts:
stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:32

@ThatCurlyGirl definitely love bombed into joining,
That is the perfect description!!!

In regards to knowing about cults, I honestly thought anyone who joined one had to have a few screws short...

I had seen the Mormon cult in Utah program on tv and was aghast!

I can honestly say I didn't see it coming, my vulnerable state (mental health and various other bits) had really clouded my judgment.

OP posts:
Atalune · 29/09/2019 22:33

Why did you stay when your husband had left?

Sounds really dark.

Is it the Plymouth Bretheren?

stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:33

@Atalune I won't name it because I'm scared and this is the first time I've ever spoken about it like this

OP posts:
stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:35

Not Plymouth no.

I stayed because I couldn't see what I was doing was wrong.

They could see my place there was breaking down and the love bombing ramped up a notch

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 29/09/2019 22:37

Good call not to mention their name OP, not worth it just in case.

That's so interesting, I've always been a bit obsessed with the psychology of cults (of leaders and followers) but in a weird way i feel like I know I'd still be really vulnerable to their methods.

I've had a few very difficult times and am grateful I was never targeted when that vulnerable as I think they could have absolutely love bombed me into submission.

Well done for being brave and getting yourself out - thank goodness Flowers

stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:38

It was different in the respect that a normal church setting is one you can go to, worship, learn, and then leave. If you don't go one week, you won't be punished (metaphorically)

The one I was in, you were EXPECTED to attend.
They would turn up at the house if you didn't.

OP posts:
milliefiori · 29/09/2019 22:39

Have you entered into any de-programming counselling? (You sound quite traumatised still - scared of repercussions, frightened to name them.)

Did you and your husband meet in the cult or were you both initiated into it from outside?

stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:41

Benefits were, feeling unconditional love (it wasn't till I was hooked that the many many many conditions of that love became clear)

The friendship and support for mothers from other mothers.

The feeling like I belonged.

The feeling like all the things I had done wrong in the past could be undone with their help.

OP posts:
stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 22:43

We were together prior to being inducted from outside.

I am receiving counselling but have ptsd

My husband is also having counselling.

OP posts:
Themyscira · 29/09/2019 22:47

My heart goes out to you, op. I left the Mormon church cult earlier this year and it was a huge change of life. Still processing it tbh.

Wheelson · 29/09/2019 22:57

Did you see your husband and children during the time you were separated? Were you still allowed to live together?

stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 23:00

Yes @Wheelson I still lived with them - though it wasn't approved of

OP posts:
stillbeingwatched · 29/09/2019 23:05

Wow @Themyscira - you have my condolences and also my congratulations- what a crazy time!
Do you feel safe now?

Can you go into town without worrying?

OP posts:
Themyscira · 29/09/2019 23:12

I don't have too many worries, I never really came across people when out and about anyway, but they do show up at my house from time to time even though I've said over and over that I don't want contact.

I compare it to a hydra - every time I have to deal with one person breeching my boundaries, a few more pop up.

It was such a strict lifestyle, I felt like a child for my whole life. I'm just starting to figure out how to live.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 30/09/2019 19:14

Hey, I don't know if this helps you...but Reddit has subs for ex Mormons, ex Muslims and ex Jehovah's witnesses. Those sub forums are busy and there will be a lot of people who have direct experience of breaking free from a cult.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 30/09/2019 19:15

Sorry, not meaning to suggest that all of those are cults. But I mean they will have experience of escaping a sect that is hard to leave.

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