My first baby was still born...AMA

[Staceywaceywooo]

Happy to answer any questions big or small. And I don't get offended easily.
Ask away... 🖤

I am so sorry about your baby. I lost my little one at 20 weeks. Did you have a boy or a girl? Have they found the cause? Did you have any issues during the pregnancy?
What's helping you cope with the grief?

@wishingforsun On the 6th June 2016 I had a little girl, we called her Isabelle. She was a tiny 1lbs 3. I was nearly 27 weeks and I developed severe preeclampsia that came on very very quickly. Isabelle was born via emergency c section.
The first few months were really hard, especially when it came to my due date but talking about her helped. I love telling her story, even though it is a sad one, it's how we keep the memory of her alive.
We decided to try for another baby and fell pregnant pretty quickly. Then in August 2017 we had a little boy and he has brought so much love and joy into our lives.
Having another baby doesn't take the pain and sadness away, I still get upset about Isabelle xx

I work as a midwife. Was there anything that staff did / could have done to make the experience easier for you?

I’m so sorry for your loss. Isabelle is a beautiful name. How are you ?

I'm sorry for your loss. My lovely friend had a still birth at 36 weeks. Is there anything that friends and family can do or should not do for the best? Accepting of course that nothing will ease the pain.

How was it telling everyone who knew you were pregnant? What were people's reactions? Asking because I found this hard with a MMC, so I can only imagine what it was like. Sorry for your loss

Do you like people bringing her name up?

My friend lost a baby at 10 days old and I never know if I should bring her up or if I do it will upset her when she’s having a good day

I had my baby Rosie in the second trimester. She had t21 .
I did not get off again following this however and I wonder if that's a factor in my difficulty getting over her.
At 47 now I was told on Saturday there will be no more babies.

Did not get pregnant *
Not off. Bloody auto correct.

@IDontDrinkTea I was actually on holiday in North Devon (I'm from the midlands) when I fell ill and went to a little hospital there.
We have always said that if we were always going to loose Isabelle we're glad it was there. The staff were amazing. Because it was a small hospital and they didn't have many other patients they would come and sit with us and talk to us. I was in hospital for about a week and we could see Isabelle whenever we wanted and my husband was able to stay with me the whole time. The midwives would pop in the room to just see it I wanted a cup of tea lol.
The staff really helped, we honestly can't thank them enough.

@IDontDrinkTea ** I know we were very lucky with the treatment received and we probably wouldn't have had that anywhere else xx

@Boscoismyspiritanimal Thank you. We're fine, it's been 3 year and you learn to live with. At the time you feel like you'll never be happy again but you have to let yourself be happy again and you have to find YOUR way of dealing with it.
I remember one of my best friends saying 'well when you have another one it will help you move on' and I remember thing 'are you kidding me?!?!?!' Xx

@KavvLar I'm so sorry to hear that.
Ask to see pictures! I couldn't understand why people weren't asking me how much she weighed or to see pictures of her. In my head I'd had a baby why were people not asking about her!!
I found that people being fairly normal with me helped but if I wanted to talk about Isabelle and what had happed, they would listen.
You don't need to pretend to know that you know how she feels, just be there... with cake ☺️ xx

What do you think when you look at photos of you pregnant with Isabelle?Is it kind of bitter sweet? I nearly lost my son when he was born (premature at 28+3) and I've never really got over that so to lose a child to still birth is unimaginable pain.

@cheeseislife8 I'm sorry to hear that ❤️
Erm I felt awkward tbh lol. Not for me but the way people reacted.
Because we spent a week in hospital, just me and my husband, we came to terms with what had happened pretty quickly and it became a normal thing to us but I felt awful letting people because I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. People don't know what to say, they don't know what to do with their face, they change their body language and there's ALWAYS an awkward silence after you've told them xx

@Rapidmama How awful 😢
I like people bring her up but everyone is different.
If there is something you want to ask about her baby then just ask her if it's going to upset her but if you're thinking of bringer the baby up in conversation just because you think you should then I'd probably leave it xx

@hellenbackagen That's terrible, I'm so sorry.
You will never get over the lose of a baby. Having another baby helped fulfil my need to be a mother but I didn't change the fact that my first baby had died. I still miss her and imagine what life would be like with her xx

@BusterGonad Wow! What a little fighter!

Erm yeh I suppose it is. I look at the pictures and remember how happy I was that I was pregnant and it's the same when I look at pictures of Isabelle, I'm happy that I carried her as long as I did I'm just sorry I couldn't keep her safe xx

Yes, us mothers will always blame ourselves to some degree, and we shouldn't.
I'm sorry for your loss @Staceywaceywoo