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AMA
Original poster

I am a Foster Carer AMA

14 replies

cornish009 · 15/07/2019 00:00

My husband and I have been Foster Carers for many years, and have experienced many highs and lows. Ask away....

OP posts:
AHintOfStyle · 15/07/2019 00:25

Do you have children of your own?
What were the 3 main reasons for deciding to become foster parents?

Ayedresses · 15/07/2019 00:36

Watching with interest as I've always wanted to be a foster carer.

Poster above asked the three reasons why you wanted to be a foster carer therefore I ask: what's been the three downsides?

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 15/07/2019 00:39

How do you cope within giving your kids away?

SimplySteveRedux · 15/07/2019 01:04

No questions atm, just wanted to say that I think people like you and your husband are beacons of light in our world, that you have my utmost respect, and I wish I'd been fostered by people like you.

Ok, I have a question: do the books by Cathy Glass, Casey Watson, Rosie Lewis et al accurately portray foster care?

DP was in (bad) foster care. Just again wanted to say thank you for everything you do.

elliejjtiny · 15/07/2019 01:32

Firstly I think foster carers are amazing
How many children do you foster at a time?
Have you adopted or wanted to adopt any of your foster children?

notacooldad · 15/07/2019 01:39

Have you had placements break down and why?

Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 01:41

AHintOfStyle

We have four, now adult children, who we adopted as babies/toddlers.

  1. When our youngest child was 16 we felt we wanted to continue the experience of living with younger children again.
  1. Because three of our own children had special needs we had a lot of experience dealing with their difficulties and negotiating the education / health system that comes along with that to get them the support and help they needed and deserved. And we felt we wanted to continue to use what we had learnt along the way, to help other children too.
  1. Because fostering fitted in with our lifestyle of caring for our adult children with special needs.
OP posts:
Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 01:51

Ayedresses

I wish you good luck if that is the path you decide to take.

The three downsides would be:

  1. When TPTB (Children's Services, the Courts etc) make decisions for the children that you think are wrong for them. And hence often going into battle to make sure the children's needs are always put first.
  1. Endless paperwork and pointless meetings.
  1. Lack of money.
OP posts:
Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 02:02

llstartexercisingtomorrow

It would depend on the child's situation and if it we felt it was a positive move for them. We tend to have long term placements so do not often deal with the children returning to their parents or moving on to other foster carers. When that does occur it depends really on whether we believe it is the right decision for the child. Mostly it is when the placements come to a natural end and the young person moves onto college, and they tend to keep in touch. Of course we miss some of them terribly, and others (if I am being totally honest) it's a bit of a relief.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 02:13

SimplySteveRedux

Oh thank you, so very, very much for your lovely words. But really I don't deserve them. We just muddle though doing the best we can, sometimes getting it right and at others wrong (just as we all do with our own children).

I often think most books or television programmes / films don't accurately portray what it is really like. Though have not read all of the authors you mention. I guess because every child comes with their own story and no one placement is ever the same - and of course social workers differ greatly in their approach too.

I am so sorry your husband had a horrible experience. Several of our own children went through bad experiences in foster care before we adopted them, and several had a great experience. I suppose that is also one of the reasons we decided to foster ourselves in the hope we could be one of the good ones too.

Thank you again for your (undeserved) words. But I appeciate them nontheless so thank you.

OP posts:
1300cakes · 15/07/2019 02:18

What do your children think of you fostering? I know you said they were adults but do any of them still live with you? For the ones that don't, do they meet and spend time with your foster children?

Also how long have you been doing it for, and how long do you think you will continue? How many children have you had come through?

Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 02:20

elliejjtiny

Thank you so very much for those lovely words.

Yes there are some we have wanted to adopt, and several that we love very much and will always be part of our family regardless of the legalities.

We usually have three children, but sometimes just two, and on occasion four.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornish009 · 15/07/2019 02:40

not a cooldad
Have you ever had a placement breakdown and why

Yes. We have never had a child ask to be moved and never had a Children's Services move one against our will.

However, we have had to ask that a young person that we loved very, very much to be placed elsewhere. Without going into detail, he commited a horrible crime, well series of crimes, against us and indeed our extended family. What he did was life changing for us. And even writing this has made me feel quite scared, so I'll shut up about it!!! But good question.

OP posts:
Chouxalacreme · 11/08/2019 19:48

Do they call you mum and dad eventually or your real names ?

What do you think of the bio parents

I was a foster child after many yeees of abuse and neglect from a heroin addict mother

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