I'll be a mum to 2 at 19 (and DM a grandma to 2 in her 30s) AMA

[qwertyq]

We get a lot of weird comments (some very positive, some judgey), so if it's of any interest, AMA!

@TeachesOfPeaches definitely the plan as soon as possible.

Your mum was obviously young when she had you. Did her experiences reflect how you thought about it? How does she feel about it?

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl most of my friends and I mutually drifted immediately- I changed a lot when I first found out I was pregnant and they weren't really suitable company for how much I matured!
I've stayed in touch with a few long-term friends but don't really have any close friends anymore!

It's not a metaphor WellErr. I know what a metaphor is.

You cannot compare deciding to have a child with deciding to eat a bar of chocolate, you must understand that?

Op - if you could just answer without taking offence it would be really interesting. I know a few women who had children as early as 18 and 19. They were my two grandmothers (born 1901, 1908 and my mil born 1946). I literally do not know anyone else who has gone down this route, hence my perfectly polite questions.

Perfectly polite

Implying someone doesn't agree in abortion because they chose to continue a pregnancy is about as far away from polite as it gets.

@Kyogre lots of questions!

I live with DC2's dad and DC1. Lived on my own with DC1 prior to that.
We both work. We get a slight top up from government to help towards childcare so I can go to work!
We discussed options but he never wanted me to have an abortion. I felt incredibly supported.
Qualified to GCSE and 2 A Levels.
Parents don't help at all apart from the odd babysitting night and someone to call for advice sometimes!

@Ginger1982 honestly, I used to tell DM I'd never be as 'stupid' as her to have kids so young!

She's very happy for me now, as am I!

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I did answer, didn't I? I didn't take offence.

Hi OP, it sounds like you are managing really well

When you got pregnant with your first, how did your friends react? Did any of your friends have babies as well or was it just you? I imagine I would have felt quite isolated getting pregnant at that age, as none of my friends were anywhere near having babies. Just wondering what your experience was like !

Do you ever feel like you missed out on the carefree years? My DD is 18 and can just go out anytime. If you want a night out you need to ore plan etc, whereas my DD can just decide at 8pm she is going out with friends.

Aha I just saw you answered something similar above so never mind

@Baritriwsahys 99% of the time, no. I'm perfectly happy with my arrangement and wouldn't ever change it.
There's been a few occasions where I've been slightly envious of the lack of planning friends have had to put in for a night out, and especially if I've had to go home early/not go at all because I've had a sick baby, but the feeling passes quickly!
I think it's impossible for anyone with kids to wish they weren't carefree some moments

Definitely OP! I still have moments now where I wish I didn't have to think for so many different people before myself!

Nextphonewontbesamsung
I chose to take this route in the 1990’s, I got pregnant by my childhood sweetheart, I was 18, we had been together from the age of 14. I kept the baby and we married, we brought a little house and I got pregnant again when DD was 9 months old, not a contraception failure, the baby was planned. Unfortunately I miscarried, I would have been in ops position had I not lost the baby.
Only benefits we claimed was child benefit. ExH worked full time and I worked 3 evenings a week.
I chose this path for myself and I’m so pleased I did.
ExH and I parted ways when we were both 26, we are still the best of friends and he has been an amazing DF to our DD.
You sound intelligent and mature op, wishing you the very best of luck.

Congratulations OP lucky DM too. My DGC2 has just arrived, DD arrived when I was 20 (contraceptive failure but I didn't realise at the time, long story) just for your information Next I am pro choice, my choice was keep the baby.

I'd like to ask you, OP, can you imagine having a baby in your 30s or 40s?

Why do you think it's impolite to ask a straight up question on an AMA thread Baritri?

Op said AMA. I asked. I haven't made any judgement on op or her choices, I just asked the question.

@Baritriwsahys yes! It's definitely my kind of joy these days on the rare day I can get up and throw some clothes on and go to work without having to do packed lunches and battle a toddler to get ready and get to nursery before heading to work!

@Lizzielocket you sound like you've done really well, sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

And thank you!

How old are the kids Dads? Is the Dad of your first child involved with their child and do they pay maintenance? Do your kids have your surname?

Thank you for answering my questions.

@Neome I couldn't - always say since having DC1 that I wouldn't want another after I'm 25 - although I would've told you 5 years ago that I didn't want children and would've told you 6 months ago that I wasn't planning on having a second so although I couldn't picture it (especially as I'd have grown up children), who knows!

God people are hideous

And some are very rude! I’m not judging the OP in the slightest (why would I?) and think being able to have children young, with involved fathers, whilst being confident that you can still have a career ahead of you is a great thing. Too many people put too much emphasis on having savings, a career, a house etc before having children and miss out on many years of their children’s lives because they waited so long to have them.

OP, I’m glad you are happy and things are going well for you all.

@Kyogre DC1's dad is same age and DC2's dad is slightly older.
He's involved, but the involvement and maintenance are a bit of a complex issue (🙄) which is the only thing I wouldn't go into on the thread!
DC1 has my surname. DC2 will most likely be a double barrel.

Why do you think it's impolite to ask a straight up question on an AMA thread Baritri?

Go read what you wrote and think about it ffs.

Oh wait, you can't. MNHQ have deleted it.

I will take that as point made.