Advice please

[Clo27]

I don’t really know where to start... last year 37 weeks pregnant I went into hospital feeling poorly. Turns out I had sepsis and that night I had a emergency c section. From the recovery from sepsis and my c section I’ve never been the same. I panic about every little thing. I feel so low in my self with no energy to do anything. I used to love cleaning and now I can barely be bothered with that! I don’t sleep till atleast 1am and then I’m back up between 6-7 with my kids so I’m knackered all day and snappy. I lay in bed every night panicking about the what ifs, worried about my kids and my parents. I’m so close to my parents and I panic every night about loosing them especially as my dad is poorly. What will I do without them? How would they feel about dying etc. It will absolutely destroy me to loose them and I’m so scared. Now I’ve started with night mares about all my worries and I can never shut off. I don’t know what to do anymore

You suffered an unexpected trauma and are still reeling from it.

It may be extreme anxiety or even PTSD.

You need to tell your GP exactly what you have written here.

And don’t beat yourself up over it, accept that your thoughts are a result of suffering an extreme medical trauma and you need healing from the emotional side just as much as the physical side.

You’ll be ok, you just need some help to heal inside.

I’ve made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow to discuss my sleeping etc but I’m scared to tell her how I feel because I don’t want them to think I can’t look after my children etc. My children are my world and I sit thinking about different scenarios that could happen with them. I’m on edge all night checking my children’s bedroom atleast 15 times before I go to sleep to make sure they are breathing etc. I’m driving myself insane with it all but I just can’t stop. In the day time I can go all day without thinking of it because I work and have my children but night time I just want to sit and cry at all my crazy thoughts! Thank you for your reply x

You are looking after your children just fine and the GP will see that.

You need to tell them about your anxiety and intrusive thoughts that are happening at night BEFORE they affect your daytime ability.

It’s a credit to you that you have functioned during the day at work as you are so exhausted.

Imagine your mind is a clock, during the day it is telling the time ok, sometimes running a bit slow but come the evening and night time it speeds up and the hands are whizzing round and the cogs are whirring away as they reach high speeds!

Your GP will help you to reset your mind clock so that it runs at the correct time day and night.

The last thing will be on their mind is taking your children away.

Anxiety is treatable and you may be prescribed a mild sedative for night time or an anti anxiety medication to help calm you. It might take a couple of different medications to find the right one and the right dose-age.

It might also help for you to talk about your awful experience and the worries you now suffer with but sadly most referrals for counselling often take a long while to come through.

In the mean time you can look at ways of trying to wind yourself down at bedtime. There are self help books, YouTube relaxation videos etc, have a Google and see what interests you.

Intrusive thoughts, endless worrying, anxiousness and fear and dread for loved ones are all things that can be calmed down. At the moment it’s hard to take control and stop those thoughts but once you have spoken to your doctor you have taken the first step in getting back in control.

Hope you get on ok at the GP.

Write down what you want to say and take with you if you think you will clam up or waffle (as I do) when you get there.