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Original poster

I had an arm amputated- ask me anything

29 replies

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 17:01

This is my first post on mumsnet so hopefully I’m doing it right! I had my left arm (just above the elbow) amputated when I was 23- if anyone has any questions I’d be happy to answer them!

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 13/06/2019 17:03

Why did you have to have it done? Do you use a prosthetic arm now?

StephenQueenBooks · 13/06/2019 17:08

How often does someone ask "do you need a hand" then you get to see the look of horror? (Ex had one arm).

He thought it was hilarious.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 13/06/2019 17:10

Do you get Lots of tired jokes about being harmless/armless and needing a hand? Or do people not dare?

PestoCaffeinisto · 13/06/2019 17:14

Do you have phantom arm pain?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 17:48

@HollowTalk I was bitten by a dog (quite badly) but i didn’t think anything of it at the time. As the weeks went by I started to feel quite ill but never made the connection l and eventually when I was very ill I went to A&E- it was very infected and I had to have it amputated.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 17:49

@StephenQueenBooks quite a lot, I get it in the supermarket, I find it quite funny now but when it first happened I hated it!

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SinkGirl · 13/06/2019 17:50

Oh bless you. That sounds horrendous. I almost lost my left arm above the elbow at 18 as I fell through a bathroom sink and almost amputated it. Spent almost a year with no use of my arm and I know how difficult it was to function. Do you wear a prosthetic now?

OldAndWornOut · 13/06/2019 17:52

How did you come to get bitten by a dog, and has it made you more wary of them now?
Also, what happened to the dog that bit you?

whichbearisbest · 13/06/2019 17:53

Oh wow, what a fascinating AMA.

Do you get phantom limb pain and if so how do you cope with it?

Has it / did it / impact your body image or self confidence? In what ways?

Do you feel it's had an effect on your romantic or sexual relationship(s) / dating?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:28

@SinkGirl oh gosh that sounds scary! I suppose at least I wasn’t conscious when my arm was amputated! No I’ve never worn a prosthetic arm, I went to see about one a few months after it happened and I hated the look of them and felt really uncomfortable when I tried one- it was a really strange feeling

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HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 13/06/2019 18:29

If someone puts their foot in their mouth forgetting about your amputation, do you prefer them to acknowledge it or just carry on talking?

I ask because I know someone with a hand amputation, they have a realistic prosthesis and I keep forgetting and saying silly things. I think partly because they do everything you would expect someone with two hands to do at normal speed, you have to look closely to notice they are doing things slightly differently.

I'm never sure whether to acknowledge the silly things I say or not! e.g. I said "oh I sprained my wrist so I couldn't do X activity on holiday, as you can't do it one-handed", then remember that they do that activity regularly with one hand! I'm not sure whether to apologise and say I forgot, or just carry on the conversation, or (what I usually do) get flustered and warble on "oh what I mean is it's too painful to do it with a sprained wrist..."

What would you want somebody to do?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:37

@OldAndWornOut i was in a field and I had a very old Jack Russell at the time and a staffy came up to him and my dog was sniffing him then the other dog snapped and they sort of started to fight, so I tried to pick up my dog and I got bitten- I’m 99 percent sure it wasn’t my dog that bit me but I said I couldn’t be certain whose it was- after it happened though they put up posters in the area about keeping an eye on your dog. The owners were very apologetic at the time but I don’t think they were local and I never saw them again

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Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:40

@OldAndWornOut also, I am still a huge dog lover- I now have a Lakeland terrier and I do loads of agility competitions with him and we are starting to go to bigger ones further afield- so it definitely hasn’t made me stop loving dogs!

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Wildboar · 13/06/2019 18:44

Was your arm obviously infected? Why didn’t you get it seen to? Have you any regrets about not getting treatment sooner?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:50

@whichbearisbest I do get phantom limb pain, but I don’t actually find it that debilitating. It affected my body image/self confidence quite a lot. Before it happened I loved designer clothes and I used to spend all my wages on clothes (I had wardrobes full), I was really confident and I know it sounds odd but I felt attractive. Since it’s happened I’ve worn really plain clothes (ones that people wouldn’t notice and therefore may not notice my arm) and I am very reserved in how I dress now. The main thing for me is how it’s affected relationships/dating. I’ve not had a relationship since it happened- people are so nice to me but I’m treated as having a disability and I don’t think anyone’s ever found me attractive since. Before it happened I did (like most 23 year olds) get a lot of attention from men and did have a lot of casual sex and at the time I did really enjoy it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:51

@wildboar yes it was very obviously infected. I just kept washing it though and putting cream on it. I never knew the dangers though and would never have of imagined that it would end up the way it did. I look back and kick myself for being so stupid

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Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 18:56

@HopelesslydevotedtoGu i think it’s one of those things that you just get used to people reacting to it differently. I work as a receptionist at a gp surgery so I’m always meeting different people and so many people either stare or comment about it. I’ve had someone say they can’t fill out a form with one hand whilst their child is holding their other- they then noticed my arm and I laughed because you could tell she realised she put her foot in it. I really don’t mind people asking me about it- it’s taken me a long time to get to this point but I can participate in jokes about it now

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Lougle · 13/06/2019 19:04

I'm sorry that no-one noticed your arm, Stacey. I know that ultimately, it was your arm, but to get to the point that it needed to be amputated, it must have been really infected. It seems such a shame that nobody said 'you really need to get that looked at'.

I hope that one day you can rekindle your love of clothes and regain confidence in your body. I'm sure you're just as lovely now as you were then.

prawnpatrol · 13/06/2019 19:28

Would you like to see more models like you on catalogues and TV, normalise this a lot more?
Can you think of day to day situations that are difficult fr you due to a lack of awareness (practical things, accessibility)
Would you be happy to visit children hospitals and talk to those little ones that might experience the same? Have you done this?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 19:42

@lougle thank you for your lovely reply! I lived with my then boyfriend at the time who did say it looked sore at the time. I hadn’t told my mum about it and when My dad drove us to the hospital she saw it and she screamed (she’s a nurse) she said when she saw it she hadn’t seen anything so infected in a very long time and she said she knew within herself straight away that I was going to lose my arm. She always says she Wishes i’d told her

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Original poster

Stacey1992 · 13/06/2019 20:02

@prawnpatrol I really enjoyed watching Lauren Steadman on Strictly Come Dancing last year- I found her really inspiring. It would be nice if they used models who are missing limbs but i don’t know if it will ever be normalised. Washing my hair and straightening it are really difficult and it takes me ages to do it- my mum helps me quite a lot if I’m struggling. It is almost like I reverted back to being a child again because I almost have to be ‘looked after’ and probably always will now. After it happened I felt really low and I was out of work for a while and I started to volunteer for a charity that helps women who have extreme difficulty in their lives- I’ve met women who have severe burns and women who have been abused and people who have had so much difficulty to overcome- I’ve never met any women with my difficulty- but it’s made me see that even though I struggle I am still so lucky in so many ways that I am able to lead a fairly normal life. The women I have met have really inspired me. I haven’t done any work with children about it but I would love to one day

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CrocodileClips · 14/06/2019 18:34

How long was it between the bite and the amputation?

I had a skin infection once and it was painful and scary how fast it came up and started to spread.

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 14/06/2019 19:09

@CrocodileClips it was about 2 weeks- to begin with it didn’t look too bad but by about day 10 it looked awful and started to smell terribly

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Nat6999 · 14/06/2019 19:11

With transplant advances, would you consider a transplant if it became available?

Original poster

Stacey1992 · 14/06/2019 19:47

@Nat6999 yes definitely! As much as I have adjusted to life with one arm I would give anything to have 2 again!

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