So, I have joined this website in hope for some advice. I am 8 weeks pregnant with my first child, and I am FREAKING OUT.
Don't get me wrong, this baby was planned and we are both really happy about it. We traveled Thailand for 5 weeks, and tried as soon as we got back. Luckily enough, it worked first time! After a really crap couple of years, we have had an amazing start to the year with an amazing extended holiday, my partner proposing and finding out we have a baby on the way!
So why aren't we feeling happy?
Being in Thailand gave us a different perspective on life. We have seen how 'the other half' live. Not the other half as in rich and wealthy, but people who travel, see the world, are full of life and love and don't require lots of 'things' to be happy. We felt that happiness whilst we were there and coming back to England was probably one of the most depressing things we have ever had to do. It felt like the holiday blues x100 and I still cry about the fact that I'm not there nearly 2 months later. We decided that we will move there one day, but right now it is too difficult. I am my mum's only child, and she is so desperate for a grandchild. Shes ecstatic about this pregnancy and I just couldn't take it away from her. We also have two dogs, who are like our children, and we certainly couldn't leave them. So we decided in about 10 years time, when the dogs are no longer with us, we will move to Thailand, open a hostel and home school our child.
So the reason i'm freaking out, is because I hate my job. I work at my local supermarket, and the people I work with are just awful. Bitchy, gossipy, horrible women who just want to see you fail and cause drama. The reason I have stayed, is for convenience. Its round the corner from where I live, I don't have a car, and there are no job opportunities in the rural place that I live. I was a team leader on the checkouts, and was hating it. So when I found out i was pregnant, I decided that I didn't need the extra stress, and stepped down to a checkout worker. I have taken quite a bit of a pay cut with this, and I don't really feel any happier.
My partner is a manager at a fast food restaurant, and earns good money. However, he also hates his job. He wants to find an apprenticeship in electrics, but is afraid to also take a pay cut. He's never had much luck on the job front and really lacks confidence with interviews and everything that comes along with it. He gets disheartened very easily.
So, we both feel a bit stuck in a job-rut. I have desperately been searching and googling ways to make money from home, but it seems I also get disheartened very quickly. I have looked into online courses and jobs I can do from home, but have no clue what I want to do. I feel like I want a career but lack the motivation to do anything about it. Even as I type this, I know I sound pathetic, but anxiety and feeling down has really got to me. I'm usually so outgoing, and bubbly! I have lots of amazing friends and family. I just don't know what to do with myself. The only place I feel safe and happy is in my little house, with my partner and dogs. This just isn't me! I'm worried that the stress and anxiety is going to cause me to miscarry, which is stressing me out more. And I am worried that I will still feel like this when I have the baby.
I meditate which is helping a little.
I don't really know what i'm asking for here, but thank you for taking the time to read my post.