Sibling was a longtime drug addict and died of overdose

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As per the title - I know a lot of families are dealing with similar situations, so AMA (nc'd for this lost)

**this post

Sorry for your loss OP.

Can I ask what drugs they were addicted to?

Thank you. Heroin was the main one. But they'd tried everything.

Sorry for your loss OP. Were you in touch when they died or had you lost touch?

They lived nearby but I hadn't had contact for a while. I went NC once I had my DC as I didn't want them around that environment and the drama that goes with it.

Could you see the predisposing factors?

So sorry for your loss

They had an 'addictive personality', so on the rare occasions they weren't using, they were gambling or drinking. It started with marijuana in their teens and then they 'tried' other things and just really liked the feeling. They never blamed their childhood or any traumas, just said that they loved the feeling heroin gave them.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Do you think that there is anything that your family could have done differently?
What advice would you give to other families?

Addictive personality is part of a bigger issue, so even if you don't feel there were any unhappy childhood experiences their addictions say otherwise. How tragic.

Please can you say what services were involved in helping them?

I'm currently going through a similar situation, so far my brother is still with us but is making our lives a constant living hell.
My main concern is my parents and how badly they are coping with this. Do you have any advice for helping relatives cope? They currently see a counsellor, dad is on meds xx

The addiction spanned just over 20 years and there was probably at least 6 stays in detox facilities and short term rehabs, and a couple of stays in long term rehabs. A comment from a rehab counsellor at the funeral was "we knew the recovery wouldn't last".
I don't think there is anything else the family could have done - sometimes I feel that maybe DM was 'too lenient', and was always there to do the things that an adult should have taken responsibility for themselves. Maybe a bit more 'tough love' would have made them wake up to the situation and change their ways, but maybe not.
I think it's important that the families of addicts look after themselves and get counselling themselves. The addiction certainly took a toll on our family and still causes problems now. Individuals have different opinions and feelings as to what happened and that should be respected. Currently DM cannot accept that anyone had a different experience to what she had, even though we all allow her to think about the addiction and grieve in her own way. This was the case before the overdose as well. She wouldn't accept my decision to go NC.

Smother the addictive personality seems to be a trait on one side of the family, as are personality disorders. I don't think there was anything untoward that led to the addiction itself - they dabbled in drugs as many do, but when their friends 'grew up' and stopped, they couldn't. As time went by, they fell further and further behind their friendship group - there was no marriage, kids, career etc. which I think made the attempts to 'get back on track', harder.
However, even when they were 'clean', there was no inclination to work (all jobs they could get were beneath them), and no responsibility was ever taken - which to me indicated other issues.
I myself have never even tried a cigarette let alone anything 'harder', just on the off chance that I have the same addictive personality. I don't think I do, but I'd rather not risk it.

I think your name change has failed in case you want to report the thread to remove it?

Purpleboy every family deals with it their own way but just try and make sure your DPs don't blame themselves and don't do too much for your brother. It's hard because they will want to help, but most addicts need to hit rock bottom before they can see the situation they're in, and make the decision to quit. Also, they need to set boundaries and expectations and not allow your brother to abuse them - financially, emotionally or physically. If they wouldn't accept certain behaviour from you, they shouldn't accept it from him. Addiction is not an excuse to behave badly, although in our family it always was.

I agree with everything you say, but my mum sounds similar to your mum. They don't help him with actual money but they do pay for his car, parking fines. He comes hone to have his washing done. He is homeless because his actions were too much for us to take and I felt my children where in danger. We live next door but very open house so kids would be in there when he would kick off etc..
he admits he has a problem but refuses to get help, insisting he is happy with his life, he steals to get money and has been arrested numerous times but never anything more than CS. He has MH issues but we can get him assessed due to the drugs, and he says he needs the drugs to help his stay away from those trying to get him (all paranoia) it's a vicious circle but I don't see how it will ever end. So sorry your ended The way it did, I feel we are in the same path but more from accident or suicide rather than overdose.
My parents are 84 and 74 and are struggling with life. It's heartbreaking

Thank you for taking the time to write to me xx

I'm sorry to hear of your situation purpleboy. It is a never ending cycle until the addict decides they want to change, but not a cycle you or your parents need to be a part of. It's sad that after the overdose there was a massive feeling of relief that the nightmare was over, rather than just the sadness that would usually come after a death. Make sure your parents do what's right for them and their health whilst your brother won't seek help. Once he wants help, go all out and help, but until then there's nothing you can do.