I was married to a bisexual man (also a cross dresser) - AMA

[askmeanything56]

I'll answer if I can but full disclosure....I ended it and we are divorced now

Was he honest about his bisexuality from the beginning?

Did you find his version of femininity or style differed greatly from your own? And how did that make you feel?

WaterBird

I did know yes. When we met he told me he was "bi curious" but had had sex with a man once. He'd met him online and they'd met for sex - he said it was out of curiosity and he'd wanted to try it. At the time this did strike me as odd but I brushed it aside as I'd fallen for him

His cross dressing began with my pants, then stockings (hold ups), then heels, bra and a shirt of mine

He bought a wig too

When he got past pants, I couldn't deal with it - I'm very open minded but found it upsetting

Did he lie about it constantly, gradually escalate it and push your boundaries?

TinselAngel

Yes, that's almost exactly what he did. At first he tried to get me involved....incorporating it into our sex life but it didn't really do much for me.

I realised our sex life was becoming more lifeless and wondered if he was masturbating more/wearing things.

There was a drawer with particular clothing in and shoes he'd bought for me that I hadn't worn. I think the shoes were actually bought because he'd wanted to wear them....I took photos in the morning before I left for work and then again at night when I got home. It became obvious he was dressing up almost daily. It killed our marriage. The deception and the fact he did it when I wasn't around freaked me out the most.

He shaved his legs occasionally too which he said he preferred

Did he work in IT?

Does he now say he's trans?

TinselAngel

Someone you know?!?

Do you have children Op? are you still together?

No but I'm familiar with his type and was also married to one. Have you seen the Trans Widows threads on FWR? If not do come on over.

Well done for asserting your boundaries and getting out. It took many of us much longer

Sorry I have just read you are divorced. Sorry.

TinselAngel - thanks what's FWR?

No we are no longer together. The cross dressing was probably a symptom of a bigger issue as he wasn't able to emotionally connect with me, didn't want me sexually and I suspect he may be gay (I know that being a cross dressing doesn't mean a man is gay before someone tells me this ), but in his case I think he is

Yes we have a child together

How does your child deal with it all?

How about wider family?

Why do you think he was so keen on dressing in such a way?

zipclimb - when we were together he never (to my knowledge) went out dressed up or put make up on etc, but I suspect it's escalated since we split. Shoes, tights, pants, bra and a wig was the extent of it when with me.

It was (his words) a kink. He'd dress up and masturbate, so it was more of a sexual thing than wanting to be a woman I think

And do you think it is kind of sexist?

I probably can't articulate it but I find men dressing as women in a certain way kind of misogynistic... like why? It just objectifies woman as if we are really only there for fancy clothes, underwear and high heeled shoes?

As if not why not wear what most women may wear like jeans, sneakers and t shirts ...

FWR= Feminism and Women's Rights, ie the Feminist section of Mumsnet.

Original thread:
Trans Widows escape committee www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

Current thread:

Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back.. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3471122-trans-widows-escape-committee-2-the-trans-widows-strike-back

Do his family know?

TinselAngel wow that thread.....so much resonated it's scary. Will have a proper read when I have more time. What's AGP? #clueless

No his family don't know. No one does (except my current partner).

Autogynophile- man who is turned on by the idea of himself having sex as a woman

https://mirandayardley.com/en/what-autogynephilia-is-and-what-is-it-not-a-brief-note/

Sorry I don't mean to hijack your thread.

Here's some for when you get time to join us in FWR!

Blimey, there's a name for it?!?

I won't get too graphic on here but some of his sexual preferences suggested he wanted to be a woman, me the man....