I'm a surrogate - AMA (if it hasn't been done before?!)

[MinecraftMother]

So, ask away! If you like, whatever...

OP congrats on making partner!

I was still off with my own babies when I had the first surrobabe (that's what I meant with my comment above about having the time to do it).

Second time I got pregnant first time (embryo transfer in Athens) so there was just a short trip abroad. I told my managing partner at 12 weeks and because we're just a small team I insisted he didn't pay me whilst I was off afterwards.

I worked up until the day before the scheduled section and was back full time three weeks later.

I could have had all the usual -maternity leave, SMP etc but I didn't need it.

I was also more than ready to get back to the office. I was made a partner whilst on my mini-mat leave lol!

I know surros who have taken a full year after having a baby and their work have had a swallow it. I think that's a piss take to be honest. I don't believe there were any post birth complications. I asked her why she was doing that and she said why not... huh?!

No age limit but you should be sensible!

I was 35 with the first and 37 with the last. I was in good shape. And the eggs are obviously mum's so the pregnancy really depended on her...

I don't know if the babies missed my scent or mine and the families voices but I have a strong regional accent and often joked with mum and dad that they'll
End up talking like
Me!!

(They won't, obviously!).

When I was pregnant their family recorded stories and I used belly
Buds to play them
To the babies through my stomach. That was really special actually.

I think you're wonderful

I agree with heart - you are wonderful!

I LOVE Belly Buds! I've seen the most beautiful videos that surros have taken of their bumps with belly buds, seeing the baby's kicks (as they're listening to the sound of their parents' voices)

That and the incredibly moving post birth posts from surros, sharing the photos of when the IPs met their baby for the first time, saying that THIS is why they do it, it's just magical. The photos of surros holding the baby, flanked by their IPs, 3 beaming smiles and one beautiful squidgy baby, are incredible. So much love - not just for the baby, but between the IPs and the surro. It's just beautiful

Your posts are making me cry happy tears!

This is lovely to read. I have a friend who can't have children and I really hope one day she goes down the surrogacy route and finds someone like you

You are amazing OP

It's something I think about doing in the future when we are completely finished with our own family. It's a lot to think about of course.

You're welcome x

Can I ask about how the family looked after you. Did they pay for things eg maternity clothes etc. I can imagine that they must be fairly well off for two transfers in Greece and I'm guessing your medical bills etc
To be fair, you've given them something that money can't buy but it sounds like it nearly cost you your health with the ectopic.
Do you ever go to stay with them.
Do the kids know who you are, or are you just auntie minecraft?

Yes, I was never out of pocket, even down to parking at the hospital. That was important for both of us, a line in the sand. They paid for additional help at home whilst I was recovering too which was super useful.

We stay with them when we go to visit and the kids do know us as aunt and uncle but they are also starting to tell them "that's where you grew" and pointing at my tum.

Incidentally, the clinic in Greece provided much more value for money inc flights and hotels etc. It's just so much cheaper abroad.

Ps it was 6 transfers first baby and one the second.

Wow.
That is dedication.
I bet you've made them so happy.
Hats off to you xx

I'm a bit stubborn like that. I'm super competitive so there was no way we weren't going to see it through. I was going to grow them a baby, end of story.

You are amazingly generous op.
You also sound grounded, fit and capable. I assumed you were really young to be back to work so soon after c section. I had my first birth at 38 and was a mess for ages afterwards.

What did you tell your own children about the pregnancy?

Do you / would you find it difficult if you disagreed with any aspect of how the children were being brought up or parented?

How did you respond to all the questions that you get from strangers when you're pregnant - do you know what you're having, is it your first etc. Assuming it's too complicated to explain in a short conversation!

Thanks for starting this thread, it's really interesting.

Trust me, without the baby, recovery is seriously easier and swifter!

Our daughter was carried by our GS, in Canada (where the law is the same as in England ie no commercial surrogacy, only altruistic surrogacy). We still consider our surro as part of our extended family, and talk and exchange photos of all the children (she has 3 of her own) about once a week. We will be grateful to her - as your IPs will be to you - for the rest of our lives. Thank you for being so amazing!

I read my children a story called kangaroo pouch or something. It's about a kangaroo who wants to be a mummy but her pouch doesn't work so her friend says she'll look after the woman's Joey in her pouch until he's ready to come and meet his mummy.

But in all honesty they didn't care. The littlest one was too small and the other two just took it as the new normal. Kids are adaptive like that!

I have a lovely necklace from baby 1 to say thanks and when my eldest (now 9) commented on it last week I said "Anne and John got it for me" (the parents - not their real names!) and he actually looked at me quizzically and said "why?"...

I was like, ffs dude, I had A BABY for them!!! It's kind of a big deal.

I told some people about the surrogacy when pg but generally only those who I knew I'd see afterwards. I didn't want them to think I'd lost the baby or anything like that.

Mostly I just smiled and nodded when people would say to me "you're gonna have your hands full" when they clocked the bump and my three. Too much to explain, too little time.

I am always surprised at when I do mention it oftentimes people come back with tales of their conceiving woes. It really is more common than we think, infertility struggles.

Also I would never presume to interfere with mum and dad and the way they bring up the kids. It's not my place and also there will never be any conflict. We are very similar people. We're very good friends, we've been through some shit!

Anunsee - lovely story, I love hearing the good stories because they outweigh the tabloid shite a million to one. But "surrogate stole my baby" always sells the papers rather than another "successful surrogacy story"...

I love this thread

There have been so many MN threads recently where surrogacy has been painted in such horrific terms, as a form of emotional abuse. Posters who've never actually spoken to a surrogate, who only know the car crash cases that end up in court

Or lumping in commercial surrogacy in India and Ukraine, with surrogacy in the UK and Canada

It's like judging all parenthood on the basis of cases of neglect and abuse where SS remove children from the home

Here we have incredible acts of loving kindness, bringing much loved and wanted children into this world, with lifelong bonds between families

It gives me hope that maybe one day if we are lucky enough to find a match, that we may one day be able to become parents too

Thank you OP for starting this AMA, and for sharing your experiences

You sound amazing!

Thank you for sharing. This had been so insightful