I planned a baby at 16 - AMA (trigger warning-childhood abuse)

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Im now 27. My planned and very much wanted baby is almost 10.
He's pretty awesome

I was raped and abused.from the age of 11-14. My parents never knew. (He was only 3 years older than me. He died from a drug overdose) I was very convinced that no one would ever love me, so i planned a baby so someone would love me.

Did you plan to be a single parent? As in did you want a child and not a relationship because of your terrible experience?

Great to hear you didn't let it stop you having a wonderful life

Was your abuser the dad? Sorry if it's obvious from your op.

What happened once he was born? Did you move out?

Im not a single parent.
Me and the dad are still together and have 2 more DC.
It hasn't all been plain sailing though as my trust issues are still very prevalent, and i was recently diagnosed with autism (which explains a lot to be fair!)
Its veen a cery bumpy road, but we manage. I think a lot of it is stubbornness and refusal to give up on each other

Cross post

My abuser was not the dad.
He died before i got with my current partner.
My abuser was not family (sorry that wasnt clear!) But a friend of a friend originally.

Once DS1 was born i did move out, into our own place. It took a year to get somewhere though, so for the first year i was living at home with my mum.

Gosh OP that is so tough. I was abused by a family member aged 9 and from that day on the count down started to having a family of my own because my own family was a bit shit. In a way I was luckier than you in that it happened a lot older (27) but I understand exactly the thinking you had.

When you say you planned a baby, how did you do that? Did you have a boyfriend? Did you say you were on the pill when you weren't?

NiamhNaomh
Im glad you survived that. Thats tough.

ButtonMirror

No, i didn't ever lie to him.
I told him i wanted a baby. He was 19 and i guess he didnt actually expect it to happen but said ok! 3 months later i was pregnant with our first.

He was shocked. I was because we had talked about it, so why would he ve shocked? Bloody idiot

Do you wish you had waited for a child?

Was your mum/family supportive?

Part of me thinks i should have waited until i was older, but then i wouldnt have the life i have now if i had.

My mum was (rightly) upset and disappointed when she found out, but supported me.
My stepdad did too.
My dad was a little more angry and shouted how i had ruined my life. He has since apologised and admitted ive done ok

As i was living with my mum shw told me in no uncertain terms that this was going to be my baby and i was going to raise it, not her. And she stuck to her word. Never once did a night feed, despite the fact he was a terrible sleeper and was up every 45 minutes in the night!

Never once did a night feed, despite the fact he was a terrible sleeper and was up every 45 minutes in the night!

Meh couldn’t have been too bad, you had 2 more (same as myself )

NiamhNaomh yeah but not until the little bugger was 5 and finally sleeping through the night!
DD slept through the night pretty much from birth. There's only 19 months between her and DS2...coincidence?

I had the opposite my first 2 were great sleepers lulled me into a complete sense of security, then no. 3, shit sleeper, the DC2 decided to started waking in the night so we could have 4 in the bed. Oh the joy.

DD is 4 and has recently started waking in the night and climbing in with me and her dad. I thought i was passed this stage!