Boyfriend Working Overseas....

[Funkygirl55]

I am trying not to worry, but my boyfriend of 5 years just took a job in Thailand and I only had two days notice he was leaving. I will get into more detail, but I guess I am looking for words of comfort and maybe some advice. Anyhow, my boyfriend is supposed to be there until March, I think. There is a good possibility he might be out of the country longer. He got the job the day before my birthday and thought he had a few weeks before he had to leave. Then he found out on my birthday they wanted to him to leave three days after my birthday which was this month. He didn't tell me until after my birthday because he didn't want ruin my birthday.

I know that he really needed to go for two reasons. 1. He has to go overseas for three months in order to earn his bachelor's degree. 2. We come from a fairly small town and there are not a lot of opportunities plus he just isn't happy in the town we are in. He even told a friend of his about a month and a half ago he was thinking of taking off on his motorcycle and not telling anyone. He really needed to get away from his parents who he lives with who discourage at a lot of things. Although he could have gotten his owner apartment. His parents were upset at even the prospect of moving out saying, "you mean you're just going to leave us?" Ironically, they saw this job advertised on facebook and asked if he was interested. Also, The bachelor's degree he wants earn is in international business.

As for the worrying, I am worried about our relationship. I asked if we could try Skyping instead of breaking up and he thought about it and agreed. He has only been there about a week, but says we can't Skype as of yet, but doesn't have wi-fi in his apartment. So he has been using his phone to connect to the internet and we have used facebook messenger to "text" and send a few pictures. We can't do Skype on his phone because phones use data and video would take a lot of data - information for those of you who are not aware of this. My boyfriend says he might go to an internet cafe use to the internet. He hasn't seen any internet cafes so far, but he has only been there a week. I am wondering if he could get some wires put in the room so he doesn't need wi-fi, but I don't know if that is possible since he has a chromebook (a type of lap top). Does anyone here know?

PS. Thailand (Bangkok) is 14 hours ahead where I am at. So far we haven't gotten much talk time in except the weekends. It will be even more difficult when I return to work because I will be working 8 am to 12 pm which is 10 pm to 2 am his time prime time for him to talk.

So did he suggest you break up? You said you suggested to try skyping instead of breaking up - if he suggested breaking up I think he's wanting to go off and do his own thing. I know that's tough but think about building a life that you want rather than trying to find ways of staying in touch with a guy who sounds like he's moved on.

If it's only for three months you should both be able to pay the data for Skype contact on phone, surely. I'm sorry, really I am, but I think unless he's putting in a massive effort to keep in touch in the most reassuring way possible, I think he's going to be living as a single man for those three months, despite what he tells you. I've been there and it hurts. In hindsight, I'd advise the best thing to do would be to either split for three months, or for good. That way neither of you are deliberately cheating on each other, and you will be free to see other ppl if you meet anyone. Because I'd be willing to bet he gets up to something while away. He just doesn't sound that committed, sorry.

Yup. If he suggested breaking up and you ‘convinced’ him to ‘try’ Skyping ‘instead’ I would assume he is trying to spread his wings. The fact he was also planning to disappear on his bike without telling you hs also a big clue.
Are you both very young? It sounds as though it’s time to put away childish things and move on without each other. There’s a big world out there. Don’t sit home moping while he is exploring it without you.

No, he didn't actually say he wanted to break up. He initially told me "the news" on the phone.* Then we talked in about the situation in person a couple of hours later, and I asked if we could try Skyping. Then he said, well, my brother and his girlfriend did that.

*He texted me and said he had some news. I tried to ask what it was and he wouldn't say. Then I ended up calling because it was driving me crazy. After he told me, he said he wanted to tell me in person.