I was an obese child

[Singingtherapy]

Around 10 stone by the time I left primary school. This was despite my mother's best efforts. I have a huge amount of sympathy for overweight children and their parents as it's so much harder to control than people think. Ask away

I wasn't the only fat child but we were in a tiny minority. Yes I was bullied, every single day. It affected me more than I can begin to describe. Adults didn't have the same awareness as they have these days about how hurtful fat jokes are for children so I was teased by adults as well as kids. Unsurprisingly I developed an eating disorder. No one can grow up emotionally healthy when they were reminded they were a freak practically every day of their childhood.

ohwifey that sounds so tough. I wish my parents hadn't made such an issue of my weight. You're obviously right to think about how to watch her intake without making her self conscious. Maybe use distraction when she asks for a snack.I'd also suggest focusing on how not overeating is more pleasurable. (Ooh no I don't think we'll have pudding after that big lunch, we don't want to get a tummy ache do we). Young children are very open to suggestion.

I wish I knew the answer to the self esteem issue. Looking back, and I know this sounds a bit get the violins out, I honestly don't remember EVER being told that I looked nice. So who knows, maybe that's a start. Tell her she's beautiful every day! Sending lots of good wishes to you and your brave girl x

Have you read anything by Gillian Riley on weight issues? Her book's been really useful for me. One of her key messages is thinking about how food makes you feel. I know that too much sugar makes me feel sick, bloated, tired and sluggish. So choose foods according to how good they'll make you feel rather than whether they're good or naughty. I was kind of just thinking along those lines. It's a good skill to arm children with who are prone to overeating. Tell them they're not allowed a Mars bar and they'll eat one when you're not looking. Make them realise some raw veg will make them feel all happy and energised and they'll choose that over the Mars bar even when you're not there.

Have you ever spoken to your parents about it as an adult? What do you think they could have done if anything?

My dds friend is 9 and 10+ stone, i really worry about her. Her dm was very overweight, finally managing to lose it in her mid 30s then spent 10k on a tummy tuck etc

No I haven't really spoken to my parents about it, apart from very superficially. I accept they did their best. As adults we know that dieting has a desperately low success rate and that millions of us are permanently on a diet and only getting bigger. There's a huge school of thought that a key reason for this is that dieting leads to feelings of deprivation which leads to bingeing. My experience makes me believe that this starts earlier than we imagine, so holding back food from a child had the same psychological effect as a self imposed diet as an adult. As I've said on a previous thread, the fattest child I know at the moment is the daughter of a slimming world consultant! I wish I knew what the answer was.

Aw, I can relate OP, I was an obese child too. Not the 70s but late 80s early 90s and it was still not the norm. There were only a handful of us. My mum took me to a Scottish Slimmers weight loss group (like WW) when I was 10 and they had to get head office to make me a special diet due to my age, I wonder if weight loss groups would still do that these days lol.

I lost a lot of weight when I hit early 20s and now at 35 I fluctuate between an 8/10 but I constantly have to watch what I eat and can’t just eat what I want all the time. I did get to size 6 for a while after DS was born and even then I still always felt like the fattest person in the room, I spent my most impressionable years obese and that feeling, like you’re the ‘fat one’ never leaves you.

I'm having a problem with one of my daughters in this regard. She's 6 and just wants to eat constantly. It's massively upsetting to her to stop eating, and it's not just junk food she's fixated on, it's any food. She's happy as a clam so I don't think she's eating her feelings. She just adores eating. I'm at a loss with what to do for her.

My DDs best friend is 7 and quite overweight. She comes here one afternoon a week and weekends if her parents are busy and I've noticed her stealing food and eating it in a frantic, desperate way that isn't (I don't think) normal at that age. I know there is more going on but I'm not sure how I'd approach it with her mum, who is a good friend but insanely busy.

I mentioned it the first time as she had eaten everything from my DDs party bag as well as her own after a birthday, but I don't think her mum telling her off helped. She just sneaks off to the toilet with food up her sleeves now.

I know it's not my business but she does talk to me when she's sad and has spent more time with us over the last month than with her parents. What should I ask her? Should I offer her more (healthy) food? It breaks my heart a little bit as she doesn't seem to be getting pleasure from eating in this way.

So, basically, what do you wish a trusted adult had asked you?

I think it's too hard for individual families to manage in isolation. Some children will have hormonal imbalances that make them hungry all the time. The family causes tensions, so isn't always the best place to try and resolve them unless there is external support looking at the dynamics.

A society where we use don't use words like greedy and lazy, and where we accept people are doing their best would go a long way toward addressing the issues.

My mum controlled what we ate in the 70s. The first time I saw someone with a whole chocolate bar that they were eating on their own is a vivid memory, still. Needless to say, I've been overweight my whole life.