I have postnatal depression and ptsd AMA

[GMtoBe]

Not sure if there is already one of these, I had a look but couldn't see.

Ask anything!

Sorry to hear that things are difficult for you. How long ago did you give birth, and what was the birth like?

I gave birth 9 months ago.

It was an induced labour with an emergency forceps delivery and episiotomy because my daughter's heart rate was decreasing rapidly. I had never seen a forceps delivery before (why would I?) and thought that she had already died because of how rough they were being. This is what caused my ptsd.

Really sorry to hear that, OP. It must've been awful for you.

Have you received any professional support / counselling to try and come to terms with it all?

I too had PND and it was hell. It took a few years to recover fully take care OP, lucky you were diagnosed early I only got diagnosed when DD was 8 months and it changed the way I see the world.

I went to see my gp when my daughter was about 8 weeks old as I knew something wasn't right. I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 or 4 months now who is brilliant and has helped me come to terms with a lot of things. I still have a way to go but I'm no longer triggered by many of the things that were an issue 6 months ago.

@MrsMarigold it's good to know that there is an end, it sometimes feels like the pnd is just who I am now!

Do you think anything could have been done to prevent you developing PND/PTSD after the event?

I sympathise with you OP, I really do. My first birth ended up with induction, epidural because I couldn't handle the speed and strength with which the contractions came on, then forceps and episiotomy.

I felt like I had PTSD afterwards too - couldn't watch anything medical on tv (weird for me as I'm a vet), flashbacks of what happened etc.

I eventually went back to the hospital a few years later and talked through the birth with a lovely senior midwife who hadn't worked there at the time of the birth but went through my notes with me. She acknowledged that some aspects of my birth hadn't been handled well, which madd me feel better.

I am starting to come to the opinion that forceps deliveries should possibly be banned as they seem to cause so many birth injuries (I have ongoing issues). I don't regret having vaginal births (have had three more since which were not traumatic, and were a much better experience for me) but if I had my time again and a birth was not progressing well, I would opt to go straight to C-section.

So just want to reassure you that you are not alone. Have you sought any help?

SnuggyBuggy that's really hard to say. I tend to feel responsible for lots of things in general that I'm not responsible for (I have ocd) and I think that this probably made things worse because I felt like everything was my fault. I had lots of support from great midwives post birth who I saw until my daughter was 6 weeks due to my episiotomy. I don't think anything could have been done.

Cross post - I'm so glad you are receiving help and that things are improving.

@littlecabbage thank you for your message. I found it all fairly isolating, I didn't know anyone else who had had a birth like mine which didn't help things. I have sought help and am seeing a therapist regularly. My husband has been brilliant too.

I know what you mean. I remember my SIL wittering about how she gave birth easily with just a couple of paracetamol (3 months before me), as though she was some kind of superwoman and deserved a medal. I couldn't understand why I wasn't handling it well mentally and felt frustrated, but I now see that my baby's birth WAS traumatic and it was not unreasonable for me to be markedly affected by it.

I'm glad your husband is supportive - it makes a world of difference.

Sorry, don't mean to hijack your AMA - just find that sharing these stories can be helpful to others who have had a similar experience.

I agree, it definitely makes it better to know others have been in the same position! Thank you for posting.

No question to ask, OP. Just wanted to let you know me too.

@sirlee66 thank you

Yes, I reckon I was always high risk PND, (history of depression, DH quite uninvolved - he was rarely there because of work). My DC1 was just 15 months when DC2 arrived. We had an amazing au pair who was a bit older but I got jealous of her because DC1 loved her and rather bizzarely she looks like me ( similar colouring) so when she took the DC out people thought they were hers. I went bananas but at the same time I never wanted to hold DC2 and just found her an inconvenience. Her birth was also difficult, VBAC and because she arrived early and very fast I had no choice. I would've preferred a c-section but was advised against it because of bowel adhesions.

I used to sit on the floor crying my eyes out everyday because I had children. Only when I got pneumonia was I diagnosed. I had talking therapy but it didn't really help. I'm on citalopram indefinitely now almost six years later. If I see a newborn even now I just feel sort of odd as I never want another child. I can now say I have a good relationship with both DC.

Wow MrsMarigold that sounds really, really tough. I'm lucky that the talking therapy is working for me as I am for some reason terrified of taking ADs.

In glad things are better and hope you continue to get better.

I feel I came very close to PTSD with DD and the fact that my mother had always talked about her own forceps/episiotomy birth in gruesome detail really helped me to cope psychologically with mine.

I also remember watching footage of a forceps birth on TV and even knowing I myself had survived one I was horrified watching it. I assumed they would gently ease the baby out! It looked so brutal so no wonder you reacted like that.

I didn't really see the forceps or how they got my baby out with them - think I was keeping my eyes closed by this point, but I could tell DH was pretty horrified by it.