I have an autistic daughter AMA

[Itsnotfriday]

DD is 8 years old, I also have two DS 13 and 17

How long did it take to receive a diagnosis from your initial concerns?

My DD has an autistic friend (both late primary age) and finds some of her behaviour difficult to understand. How would you suggest I help support my DD and facilitate her ability to be a good DF?

Do you ever feel frustrated with her or embarrassed?
I am asking because I am autistic and my mother spent years trying to change me and telling me she was embarrassed I can’t work out if this is normal and she was grieving for the daughter she wanted or if she is not a good person.
She had my sister and adores her I think that helped her as my sister is not autistic

What do you find most amazing and wonderful about her character? And what are her biggest challenges?

How long did it take to receive a diagnosis from your initial concerns? i first went to see someone when she was around 2 and a half, she was diagnosed just after her 4th birthday so about a year and a half

How would you suggest I help support my DD and facilitate her ability to be a good DF?
The best thing I could probably say if for your DD to try and have patience with her friend. As her behaviour most likely cannot be helped. Maybe doing some research about autism with your DD might help her understand some behaviours

What prompted you to get a diagnosis?

Do you ever feel frustrated with her or embarrassed?
I'm sorry your mother wasn't supportive of you. I couldn't say I've ever been embarrased, we've had some difficult moments, meltdowns in public but I remind myself she isn't doing any of this on purpose. I have felt frustrated with her though but again I remind myself she isn't doing it on purpose and i simply need to there for her when she's having a difficult time

What do you find most amazing and wonderful about her character? And what are her biggest challenges?
I love how she doesn't have a care in the world for what anyone else might think and simply is herself. I also love her laugh, it's very contagious. Her biggest challenges are probably when some unexpected happens (i try to avoid with as much as possible) she cannot cope without routine

What prompted you to get a diagnosis?
I was never really looking for a diagnosis, it started off with me being worried that she hadn't said her first world yet

Did the diagnosis open doors up for both you and her? My DS got his diagnosis this week and I'm not sure what will be any different other than funding for school! for you, it's a tough gig

Did the diagnosis open doors up for both you and her?
for you too
Only recently have we really had more support. She started at a special school in September, before then she went to the local primary and they did the best they could, she had her own teaching assistant but after a few incidents I realised she needed somewhere more suited to her needs. However I think these incidents were the main reason she got a place eventually. She recently got a teaching assistant specifically for her at her new school which has helped her settle a lot more

What do you find helps your DD to feel calm and comfortable in her skin? Sleep? Nutrition? Keeping activities close to home? Not too many surprises?
I guess I am asking: What do you do to keep life as peaceful and joyful as possible for DD... and for you?

Thankyou for answeing.
I’m glad your daughter has a supportive mum like you. I think perhaps my mum was just from a generation where things like autism were not tolerated and it made my childhood hard. I get so upset but I’m so pleased it’s different for children now

Keeping things the same as much as possible keeps her happy. Say if we went on a different route to school that she didn't like she wouldn't want to go the next day. We have a diary, I write down certain things that are happening which helps her prepare herself if it's something new. There's plenty of things she has to do that she doesn't like, going to the dentist, the doctors, washing her hair and so on but this results in a treat making her more likely to agree. But i still try not to push her too far out of her comfort zone. She's an incredibly fussy eater so she doesn't much nutrition but her sleep is usually quite good. She's usually quite content and happt but can get thrown off easily

My dd is nearly 16 and only recently diagnosed. Life has been so much better since we got the working diagnosis suddenly she understood why she did things or why she didn’t like certain things. It’s helped me understand her more as she’s not constantly trying to be something she’s not and that’s reduced the melt downs at home as before she had tried so hard all day to “be normal” or fit in that by the time she came home she was burned out and angry and I took the brunt of that at home. We like routine but she’s also willing to push herself occasionally now as she’s always done that in her efforts to fit in, but equally if she says no she mean no and nothing will change that. But she’s happy 90% of the time now and that’s a huge bonus.
She’s just finished her GCSEs and hopes to go to college who are all set up to support her in this big change.

Good luck to all your little ones