I’m a child free stepmum AMA

[Childlessstepmum15]

Just to clarify I’ve used the term child free as I don’t have my own children through choice, although I do appreciate this is a little contradictory as I share responsibility with my partner for his children. Ask me anything.

Perhaps no one wants to know anything 😂😂

Me too! How old and how many children are there?

Do your stepkids live with you? If not, how often do they stay with you? Do you ever have sole care of them and if so how does their mum feel about that?

Do you ever resent them for taking your time away from your husband?

What are the biggest challenge and the biggest surprise bonus of your life as step parent?

Is it at all how you thought it would be?

What are your partner’s expectations of you?

Do you consider yourself a parent figure? Do your DP/DH and DSC?

Two step kids, both teens.

No they don’t live with us full time, we have them just short of 50%. No I never have sole care of them through choice, DP would allow it but I’m not comfortable enough. I’m not sure how their mum would feel as I’ve never had a conversation with her. Resent is probably too strong. I sometimes wish they weren’t around.

Biggest challenge is definitely the lack of voice I have. They are not disciplined in our home and I don’t have very much say. Bonus, the rare times they give something back like kindness or thoughtfulness. I had no idea how hard it would be, if I had I wouldn’t have got involved. No I don’t feel like a parent for the reasons given. They have two good parents, they don’t need a third.

Sorrry missed partners expectations. He would love us all to be a happy Disney family. He now understands that I don’t have the same love for them he does and try’s not to push it so much. It’s taken a long time but we have agreed our boundaries.

How long have you been together?

Before you met your partner, would you have seen children as off-putting in a potential relationship?

We’ve been together four years.

Before I met him then no I wouldn’t have said him having children was a problem. If we split now then I would never date a man white children again.

With not white!

Interesting! I'm childfree by choice and (when I was single) regarded children as a probable deal-breaker for a new partner.

Yes I totally agree now I’ve had experience of it - would be a total deal breaker.