I'm a sling librarian / babywearing consultant; AMA

[rosiejaune]

I run a sling library in a city in the north west of England. I have trained as a babywearing peer supporter with School of Babywearing, and as a babywearing consultant with Slingababy. Ask me anything.

Every month or 2 I see a parent using a sling badly, baby facing forwards, crotch dangling, halfway to mum's knees...

Do you ever say anything in this situation? And if so what?

Can anyone suggest a ring sling for feeding ( both breast & bottle ) and rocking to sleep. DD is 4 months old.

Ah, sorry all, I watched this thread and assumed I would receive emails when people posted on it. I refreshed it a few times manually over the first few hours, but there weren't any responses, so closed it and awaited the emails which never came. So I thought the thread had sunk and not been posted on.

I will start reading and replying, though perhaps it is too late for some of you!

@Sunshiness
Any that are wide enough to go from kneepit to kneepit. Though for older children that matters less, and usually they don't mind a bit of leg sticking out. Baby size carriers are often about 13" wide (though that's too wide for newborns and will need cinching in, or an insert using).

@FoxtrotSkarloey
Well I not uncommonly see people in late pregnancy, and they work out which one they like and borrow it ready. It will fit differently when the bump is gone of course, but it's usually not a big issue. Babies can go in a sling from birth (including for skin-to-skin). And most slings can be fitted comfortably above a C-section wound.

@Floppyspanielears
The best sling for a long 2.5 year old is the one you feel most comfortable with! There are toddler versions of various buckles (or leg extenders you can add to one you already have) and meh dais, and no you are not too old for wraps. Though most people would use a woven with a child that age, rather than a stretchy. I actually also know someone who used a ring sling as their main sling for a 4.5 year old (though personally I wouldn't have found that comfortable)!

@Eeeeek2
Well the answer varies depending on your physiology, the child's age, and the type of wrap. Some people use it more as a carrying aid to feed in, so they adjust the sling and/or child and use it as support, rather than a sling (which means you need to keep an eye on their airway, and be aware it's no longer hands-free, and put them back safely afterwards). Some people (often those with fairly high and/or small breasts) find once their child can manipulate the breast themselves well it's easy even without adjusting anything. Some people just take them out entirely to feed. I personally have fed in a stretchy by turning my daughter sideways in it temporarily.

There are some resources here you might find useful. Or a consultation with a local babywearing consultant might help if you can't work it out (a library session probably won't be suitable for that level of help): www.slingababy.co.uk/tag/breastfeeding/

@londonloves
I can't answer for other sling libraries. Is it the case that they have actively made you feel unwelcome, or just that there tend to be a lot of breastfeeding mothers there and you feel out of place?

I have had plenty of bottlefeeding service users, even though my library is associated with a natural parenting group, which focuses on breastfeeding (and co-sleeping, alternative education, EC etc) as well.

@00100001
I don't get paid. Most libraries and consultants charge for loans and consultations, but I don't. I bought the first lot of my slings with a tax credits lump sum because they'd been underpaying me the year before. And I have gradually added to them since when I've had a bit of spare money (I get a library discount from most companies nowadays, so it's not like buying them at full price).

@overmydeadbody
Some people are very enthusiastic about having certain brands and designs (it's usually wrappers who collect in that way, though sometimes people also insist on certain buckled brands). But plenty just have the slings they need and prefer, and aren't snobby about it. Same with any consumer good really.

Nothing's wrong with unbranded ones if they are safe. Some knock-offs may use unsafe dyes etc. And cheap stretchies tend to be one-way stretch. Which some people are perfectly happy with. I personally prefer two-way stretchy wraps, which tend to be more expensive.

I only stock organic slings, but that isn't snobbery, it's about the production ethics, as I don't believe carrying our children should negatively impact on people and other animals where the cotton is being grown. And also there are less likely to be harmful residues on newborn skin (though some non-organic slings are Oeko-Tex certified instead, which addresses the latter point).

@Merename
It's impossible to say. You'd need to try some out and see which feel most comfortable. I would say a ring sling or pouch might not do you any good though, as all the weight is one one shoulder and one hip, rather than spread out. Some people prefer long woven wraps if they have back issues, and consider them most supportive, but any well-designed well-fitted sling should be supportive enough. But it does still come down to individual variation and preference.

@OneShitNight
Again, best to try some. Though unlike above, you may find you actually like a ring sling or pouch; I know one person with scoliosis who does, and carries that way to offset the curve in their spine somewhat. She says it's more comfortable than when unburdened. She also uses a cross-body bag for the same reason.

@LascellesMoustache
No. Baby carrying is a bit ambiguous, because it could mean in-arms. I understand why people don't like the term babywearing, as babies are not a T-shirt (and also you can wear toddlers and preschoolers anyway), but you are effectively wearing them on your body, and nobody has come up with a more accurately descriptive term yet as far as I know.

@Fuckit2017
No, sorry. I've never tried one. I am not a twin specialist, though I have helped a couple of twin families carry in separate slings before. I tend to direct twin families towards another nearby consultant who has twins herself, and therefore direct experience carrying two the same age. Though that doesn't mean someone who hasn't will be incompetent; they will know their limits.

@LeeMiller
A lot of people do get on with the Close. Personally I prefer a standard stretchy wrap, but I understand they can look overwhelming/confusing to start with, especially if you have no help. Either way a lot of people only use stretchies (of whatever kind) for the first 6+ months (though you can use them a lot longer).

You might be best off with a Connecta, because it's buckled, so less confusing than having to learn to tie (though you still need to know how to use it safely/comfortably), and it doesn't have a padded waistband like most other buckled slings, so tends to fit most people comfortably. They do a petite strap version with shorter padded sections. The baby size tends to last people till their child is about 2.

There are sling libraries abroad too though; whereabouts are you? Or I can try and advise online via Facebook or something? Send video links etc.

@Gooseygoosey12345
Yes, plenty. The 6 main types of sling used in the UK are: pouch, ring sling, stretchy wrap, woven wrap, meh dai, and buckles. All of those can be used for that age baby, though most people would probably stick to buckles, a meh dai, or a woven wrap by then. They come in various sizes. Do you have a library near you where you could try some out?

@AnotherOriginalUsername
Sorry! It was a notification misunderstanding. You can go as soon as you feel able to leave the house! Which in some cultures wouldn't be till 6 weeks. But it's up to you if you want to go sooner. I've had babies days old come.

@olderthanyouthink

Well some people find a stretchy wrap too warm in summer, as it's three layers of fabric. But there are cooler versions of them. And I used to wear one as a top in summer and do skin-to-skin in it. Just dress appropriately for the weather, i.e. more thin layers in winter (not thick snowsuits which will affect the fit of the sling and potentially be a suffocation issue) and fewer clothes in summer. And you can wear a big coat or poncho over both of you, or buy a zip extender for your usual coat, or buy a babywearing coat (which tend to be fairly expensive).

I used a cross-body bag as I didn't have much to carry (I did EC and breastfed, so didn't have lots of nappies etc), so the strap just went under the baby. But yes if you're front carrying you can also use a rucksack.

It's no better or worse than any other style of carrying, if it's what suits that dyad. Obviously in hotter climates one thin layer of fabric is likely to be cooler than our multiple thicker layers of German-style wovens.

I've had service users ranging from 18 to 50+, so I wouldn't worry about the average age of attendees. Obviously it will peak around 30-35, but that's just biology.

@Fuckedoffat48b
Because buckled carriers are not generally the right size for newborns, so either need adjusting by cinching in (which can bunch up the fabric uncomfortably behind the knees, for babies who haven't uncurled yet), or need an insert to make them fit properly. It doesn't mean it can't be done though. Just lots of people prefer the softness and snuggliness of a stretchy for a newborn.

@SnuggyBuggy
Meh dais, woven wraps, or buckled carriers can all be used to back carry (well so can stretchies and ring slings, but less commonly, and requiring more expertise). If you are very different sizes, some buckles won't fit you both. A meh dai is a good compromise between wrapping and buckles, if you don't both want to learn to wrap. So as usual, trying some out will help.

@FoxtrotSkarloey
You need to decide if you want a one-way or two-way stretchy wrap first. One ways only stretch vertically, two ways do horizontally as well. So you might need to leave a bit of space when tying the one-way for your baby, but some people prefer it as it can be more resistant to sagging, like a woven. I prefer a two way, as I like to tie it quite tight and then it's still stretchy enough to fit the baby in. There are also Close Caboos, which are already formed into a cross shape so that cuts out some of the tying (though not all, and there's still other adjusting to do with it). Once you've decided which you prefer (I know I keep repeating myself, but it's best to try them!), there is a table of brands here (not exhaustive) listing which are one and two way: www.babywearing.co.uk/the-stretchiness-of-stretchy-wraps/

@BaconCrispsGone
No I wouldn't say anything unless they are really obviously in imminent danger of either suffocating or falling out. Though I don't know how I'd phrase it if I had to say something. I do give them a card though. Which I do with anyone I see babywearing.

@Neverenoughspoons
Well there are various different shoulders on ring slings (e.g. gathered, different types of pleating, hot dog etc). And different fabric types; many are made of woven wrap fabric, which is diagonally elastic and nicely mouldable. It comes in lots of different weaves, materials, thicknesses, and patterns.

Both aspects are down to personal preference (so yet again, you might want to try some out!). Some people will get on with any old ring sling. Others will find certain shoulder styles more comfortable. I like the fabric of my Neobulle ring sling, which is organic cotton and nice and soft and easy to adjust. But that's a pleated shoulder, and I prefer gathered. Some fabrics will be stiffer to start with and need more breaking in (especially hemp and some linen).

They also come in different lengths too, so if you're large you might want a long one, or if you're small you might want a short one. Though extra tail length can be used up making a neck cushion for the baby, or with various fancy finishes.

@icclemunchy I am nosy about who you are now! I suspect we will have crossed paths on Facebook. If so you can probably tell who I am from details I've given in my posts.

Some general points arising from more specific questions already answered:

Breastfeeding: Breastfeeding and babywearing are separate skills. I would suggest mastering both before trying to put them together. Though some people struggling with breastfeeding find it easier when they try it in a sling.

Personally I found it easiest in a buckled carrier (though I have fed in every type of sling, from birth to 22 months, which is when I started back carrying), as I could just loosen the buckles and drop the baby down to feed, then tighten up again afterwards. Though as already stated, it is acting as a carrying aid in that situation, not a sling, so it's not hands-free and you need to be conscious of their airway.

Some people like ring slings to nurse in, though if you have it on one hip (they can go in the middle too) obviously they're probably only going to be able to reach that side.

Cheap, unbranded, or fake slings: Nothing inherently wrong with them. Some potential issues could be unsafe dyes, poor quality stitching or hardware. The ones most commonly faked are Moby wraps and various brands of buckles (e.g. Ergo). There are some ways of identifying fakes, e.g. spelling mistakes on the label, wrong logo for the version it's supposed to be etc.

Appropriate age for carrying: Birth (including premature/low birth weight babies, with appropriate care) to as old as you both want/can manage! I carried my daughter till she was 4.5. From 4 onwards it was only to Wood School once a week, as she didn't want me to leave her there, so I at least wanted the journey to be pleasant for her. She would have preferred to continue being carried (though many children will be insisting on walking long before that) but I had had enough by then; she was just too large/heavy, especially going up steps.

I know some people who carry older disabled children though. And I've seen photos of people carrying adults, just to prove it can be done (though that may void your warranty!).

The Best Sling (TM): Does not exist per se. Disabled people will know their bodies and needs best themselves, and with assistance at a library or consultation should be able to find something that they find comfortable. Ditto with non-disabled service users. Especially with buckled slings, which tend to be more structured than other types and may suit different body types/shapes. Some people may need to build up to carrying for longer periods, especially if they've had back/joint issues, or haven't been carrying from birth so their child is heavier when they start.

That's why it's been reiterated so often on this thread that trying some out is the best way to find what suits you. Sometimes well-meaning babywearers will say "Oh X is the best, get that". But while X might be the best for them, it might not suit someone else. And it can be a very expensive way to find that out. In the worst case, people will end up thinking babywearing is just not for them, when they could have been perfectly happy with a different sling, or help adjusting the one they have.

If trying them out isn't possible for whatever reason, feel free to ask more detailed questions and I will try to assist remotely in various ways.

Here is a map of libraries and consultants in the British Isles: www.tinyurl.com/slingmap

Anyone else, now I'm paying attention?

What would you recommend for a 6 month old with low tone (just holding head herself now!) If any?

Well the sling needs to be supportive at all points. In theory that's largely achievable in most types of sling (it would be harder in e.g. a pouch, as it's not adjustable to as fine a level as other slings), but some people prefer a woven wrap as it's very finely adjustable, though they have a steeper learning curve. But others prefer e.g. an SSC (buckles), which can't suffer from slack fabric escaping unexpectedly (especially if they want their arms free) thus allowing slumping.

It needs to fit well, so as not to overspread their hips.

They should be in an upright position (unless there's a specific reason that doesn't work). In general I advise this anyway, as it's easier to ensure a clear airway in that position than cradled etc, but it's especially important for a child with low muscle tone, who may be prone to slumping and their chin falling on their chest.

And you need to consider head/neck support. Whether that's rolling up the hood of an SSC/meh dai, or rolling a muslin into the top rail of a wrap, or the tail of a ring sling into its top rail, any of which can make a neck cushion. Or there are various ways of supporting the back of the head (especially while sleeping), such as tucking it into a cross pass of a wrap, or doing up one side of a hood. Obviously you want to be able to see their face still, so I wouldn't recommend doing up both sides if it's right over them.

I would recommend seeing a local babywearing consultant for help choosing and using a sling in that case. It's too in-depth for a sling library session.

Plus you might prefer to front carry for longer than average.

@Crunchymum

Also, you may find muscle tone improves by using a sling, as the child is constantly having to respond to your movements to stay stable.

Well it's gone quiet, so I'm going to close the tab again, but if anyone has another question, please tag me, so I get a notification.

I’m a size 22 but massive boobs. I want to wear my 12 month old 18 lbs baby in my ergo original but within 5 minutes I’m in so much serious back and hip pain I could weep. What am I doing wrong?

@rosiejaune

You might just get on better with a different carrier. I'm away for a week with inconsistent internet access so might not see another reply for a while but if you take your sling to a library session they might be able to give you a few mins troubleshooting support with your current sling, or choose another to try out.

Also if you're front carrying you might get on better with back carrying instead.

@30hours

For the ones who cannot use a sling library and not keen on a wrap, woven or stretchy, a few brands now do structures carrier for newborn with a narrower base like:

P4 LLA baby size
www.echarpe-portebebe-linglingdamour.fr/en/accueil/17-full-buckle-p4-baby-size.html

Buzzidil baby size
shop.buzzidil.com/babycarriers/babysize/
(Which has straps that can attach to the belt or to the back panel - super useful for pelvic floor)

And more (Emeibaby babysize, storchenwiege, etc.)

It's not just the M position though, it's a round back and legs not too spread apart (not much more than hip width) - something you just cannot achieve with non specialised structured carrier.

Also as it's been asked - hot weather choices could be a linen wrap / sling (although it is harder to "break" the fabric) or a JPMB physiocarrier which has a mesh back panel.

I'm surprised front carrying baby facing forward had not been discussed

Spoiler alert: it's a no no
(Except in exceptional circumstances like in a proper Buddha position in a wrap, at home)
If your baby wants to "see" (and I happens by 5-6 months sometimes) put him on your back