I'm a compuslive gambler. AMA

[Whatsmyname14]

Racked up huge debts before I hit my rock bottom. Am currently 80 odd days in recovery. Ask away and I will try to answer based on my experiences.

how did it all begin?

How many relationships/partners' financial positions have been ruined by your compulsive spending on gambling?

It began with me starting matched betting and doing some slot offers. Slots took over and that's where the money was lost.

My husband and daughter are suffering in the sense that all my spare cash is going on paying debts to banks back. So the fancy holidays and eating out etc has stopped till I am debt free.

Who did you turn to for help?

How much debt do you have and how long, realistically, do you think it will be until you will be debt free?
It must be incredibly hard to resist gambling again, a relation of my dh has a gambling addiction and believes 100% that he is due a big win that will clear his debt. So he keeps going and the debt grows.

Sorry another one..what was the rock bottom you mentioned ?

Realistically I think it will take around 6yrs to clear everything completely. The debt is huge and sits at 75k.

I told my husband. He is obviously hurt, upset and scared but is standing by me.

My rock bottom was the complete realisation that I couldn't improve this with a big win. Even if you do get one you just lose it all trying to get more.

I have found it easy to give up. I gave complete financial control to my husband. Locked myself out of my credit cards and bank accounts. Given him access to my credit scores and used a new service called GameStop that is currently being rolled out.

This service self excluded you from UK online betting sites for the max, which is usually 5 years. Not all are included but the majority are and the rest will be by the end of the year.

I also have had counselling from gamcare which helped me understand my triggers.

I had urges in the early few weeks but nothing since. Think I am on around 84 days now, still early days though.

Hi op

Well done for getting the help you need.

My DH has a gambling problem in although he wouldn't admit it. He does admit he's bad with money however. When we met he was living with his parents with loans and credit cards coming out of his ears. I took over his finances and we got it all cleared.

15 years later I give him a monthly 'allowance' of £500 rather than let him have free access to our joint account. This rarely lasts more than 10 days as he gambles it away. He then bugs me for money for things he can't afford to buy that he should be using his allowance on. This always puts pressure on us financially.

I don't even know what I'm asking really.
Can gamblers ever break free from the cycle? Is the only way cold turkey? I just don't know if I can live with this forever. There's not a cat in hells chance he'd go GA. He doesn't think he has a problem because it isn't affecting our finances in terms of bills and rent being paid. My worry is if something were to happen to me my DDs would end up losing their home as he isn't capable of putting anyone else's needs above his need for a bet.

He says life is boring without a bet. I feel so so sad that he feels that way.

Do you think you wil ever be able to do even “little” gambling? Eg a tombola?

No, i dont think you can go back to gambling recreationally once you overstep that line.

What would happen if you refused to 'top up' his monthly allowance? Made him struggle through the remaining days with no cash till the end of the month?

Have you thought about protecting yourself further? Get rid of the joint account and having all money going into an account in your name only? Not saying he has doen this but do you check credit reports to ensure there is no further debt in his name?

There is a website called Gamcare that has forums and one is for family and friends of gamblers. There are a couple of users who's husbands are compulsive gamblers and give the most excellent advice on how to protect yourself if you feel the need.

Does he know why he gambles? Mine was because of relationship issues with husband and friends. I found gambling to replace these issues. I am not putting the blame on that as i fully accept that i was the one who pressed the spin button.

I was never interested in doing the lottery and only bought a ticket a christmas or new year. The same for going into a betting shop, never interested me and nver stepped foot in one. I should investigate options on how to self exclude from those as well as even though i dont think i ever will why leave that avenue open.

Also, before the gambling issues,if i didnt win a prize on tombola i had no urge to buy more tickets till i did. i bought the tombola ticket for the relevant cause only.

I dont think i want to run the risk of things like tombola or lottery, just in case.

That saying my little one will be starting school soon so will have school fairs etc. Not sure what will happen then as she will probably want to buy a ticket etc and we would want to help the school with funds. If we do buy the ticket then i will probably leave it to husband to take her.

That raises another question on should we buy her a ticket and encourage gambling or treat it as an excerise on how to gamble responsibily.

Also, i have never attending GA, although i hear its usually very good.

I signed contacted Gamcare and they offered me counselling. It was only 8 sessions but i fully embraced it from the start and made the most of it and found it extremely helpful.

I have fully embraced recovery though, i never want to gamble again. Hopefully i can achieve this.

Hi op. We're Muslim and we don't do tombolas/ raffle tickets etc due to it being gambling. We just explain to the kids, it's gambling and we don't do it. They are still young so don't quite understand the concept of gambling clearly but they are fine with it. If it's for a good cause we would just donate a pound or whatever.

How long did you go from your first bet to being in debt. Was it a very short space of time?

I would say the first bet was 18 months ago. I stopped and confessed all to my husband on April 24th of this year.

Most of the damage was done in the last 6-8 months of that time period. I spiralled out of control.

I would say I was up for the first few months, then lost what I had won, that was 4.5k, and spent the rest trying to get it back on an even keel.

Wow. So quickly it can go from just playing to it spiralling out of control.

How did you hide it from your DH. Did you get bank loans in your name?

How did it stem from matched betting? I thought matched betting was meant to be not gambling?

We had a joint account as well as our own accounts. I am the higher earner in our household and was able to get bank loans, credit cards and overdraft facilities in my name only.

It didn't stem from matched betting as such but matched betting introduced me to online slot machine by doing the free spin offers.

Before that I had never placed a bet or used machines at all. Didn't even bother lottery except for times like Christmas and New year.

You sound like you have a wonderful family. You also sound like you realise that only the bookies win. I used to manage a bookies and we never had a day with down takings. Always a profit. You can self ban from shops. Contact all the major bookies with shops amd ask to be band. They will notify the stores. But to be honest staff do shifts in diffrent stores all the time so you may not be recognised.

We all make mistakes, some bigger than others. I wish you well, i have seen gambling destroy many familys.

Thank you.

I do have an amazing husband. We still have our relationship issues from before however we are both working together to improve that.

It seems to have brought us together again. For the last 4/5 years we have been more housemates than anything else.

Once you stop the 'fog clears' and you see everything for what it is. It just takes people different amounts of time and damage caused to reach that point. I would assume a fair amount of people don't reach that stage which is very sad.

What do you think might have been if you didn’t get help? Or would you rather not go down that rabbit hole?

Thank you for your replies, wishing you the best of luck going forward.