Married to a much older man

[YoungerMrs]

NC for this so that I can answer truthfully if something might be outing in relation to my other posts.

So, just that, he's 19yrs older than me

Just noticed someone else has posted this thread. Away to read and compare

The first thing that comes to mind (in a none judgemental way) is how did it all happen?

We met a party of a mutual friend. Just started chatting and we added each other on FB as he promised to send me some links of something we were chatting about it (which he did)

Did you fancy him straight away or did it kind of grow as you became friendly? Had you always been attracted to much older men? How old were you when you met?

Is he your dads age? Does your dad get on with him?

Who made the first move?

Were you previously attracted to older men?

Do you have children either separately and/or together?

Do you have many shared interests?

What about children , has the age difference lead to one of you having to make a massive compromise?

Apologies for my delay in responding.

Ok, Bridget, I can't say that I was particularly interested in any specific type prior other than I need to be intellectually challenged in a relationship. My two long term relationships previous were with guys circa my age (give or take a year or so).

The attraction grew over the course of our friendship which was about 6mths before we got together.

Down he's about 3/4 years younger than my parents. Sadly my DF is no longer around but it's agreed by all that they'd have got on famously. My DM and DGF adore him.

Unadventure he did. Sent me a text after we'd spent some time together saying "I wish you'd never left". Been together ever since. I had feelings by this point but didn't want to say as didn't think they were reciprocated and didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. To yourself and MagicFajita - I had always said I didn't want children and I meant it. He has two DC's in their early 20's but said he would never say no cos he understood the joy children brought and wouldn't deny me that. I was unmoved... then fell pregnant on honeymoon. Both delighted as are the DC's but I sent him for the snip to ensure no more!

MagicFajita we are both golf fans and were independently before getting together. We both love cooking and traveling, although not so much now we have a baby.
We are also fans of programs such as Grand Designs and plan ludicrous ideas over a bottle of wine (or two) that we know would never come to fruition

I think I've covered them all?

Sorry, Bridget, I was 30 when we met

It sounds like you're really happy together

Unadventuretime we really, really are. Almost 6 years in and still in the honeymoon phase (most of the time, we have our moments haha). At the risk of sounding trite, I feel so blessed.

YoungerMrs. My husband is 23 years older then me (we met doing a show together) we have been happily married for 13 years, I get on brilliantly with his son (and have from the beginning) who is a few years younger then me and my mum and stepdad have liked him since they met him :)

Flowerfae love it! Thanks for sharing. ❤️

Don't you worry about having to care for an old man and being widowed young? This is why I avoid age gap relationships

How did you introduce him to your Mum? What was her reaction / that of other family members?

Grobags I'd be a fibber if I didn't say that I worried about being widowed young but nothing in this life is guaranteed.

Partly my DM was at the same party when we met and she knew that we'd become friends so it wasn't a massive shock. She asked me at one point if there was anything going on between us and I strenuously denied it because in my head we were just friends and I meant it. We laugh about that now as apparently everyone could see it before we did. I was apprehensive about telling her when we got together and it took me a good few months as I wanted to be absolutely sure that we were as good together as I thought we were. Within our friends and family we had no issues but I can see outsiders making judgements.

What would have been the biggest challenges with such an age gap and how did you work through them? I guess I'm thinking past the dating stage and more entering into a proper relationship / settling down stuff.

Partly I can hand on heart say that we haven't faced any major challenges in respect of the gap- it's just like being with someone of the same age. Maybe it's not the same for all couple who have such an age gap. Any issues (and I say that for want of a better word as it's implies big problems) we've come across are the same that any couple do. I like skiing hols and he detests them, always has done. He's an avid movie watcher, I fall asleep 10mins in so he goes to cinema with one of his DS's who is also a big movie fan. Even if we were the same age we'd be still be the same in those daft things I mentioned.

OK so I'm in a big age gap relationship (18yrs) been together 12 years, not married or living together and I have two dc, he has none....
Our sex life has taken a nose dive for about 4/5 years now and it's something I feel stressed about.... Are u worried that might happen with you

BeenThereDone as with all relationships (well from my experience anyway) the amount of sex does slow down anyway from when you first get together. Pre-baby (around 4years in) there was a point when I was looking for it more, probably every second day and he was more like once a week but now we have the little one, he's picked up and I've slowed down so we are contentedly on twice a week now. Yes, that may change going forward but I suppose we can only keep an open mind and talk about it honestly if that does happen

If you dont feel comfortable maybe a ball park. How old are you and how olds dh?

I say this because ive found as i get older ages mean less and less - when i was 20 i wouldn't necessarily have 50s friends now im 30 i have aquired a few?

Also what age gaps do you have with your step children? Are you "mum" or Sarah (randomly chosen !)?

Just I'm definitely not Mum, maybe might have been diff if they were young kids. I'm Sarah and probably quite like a big sister. I'm supportive of them and they would come to me for advice if they felt I could help but I'm careful never to overstep the mark. I agree with you on the friends front also, age is not relevant there at all.

Sorry I'm 36 and they're 24/25

@YoungerMrs do you think there is any specific strength to a relationship that has something like this, a difference? Does it make you stronger together or does it literally make no difference, or something else?