I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder - AMA - it is a very misunderstood condition

[UndertheCedartree]

In the hopes of raising awareness and understanding of this condition

Isn't that borderline personality disorder ?

Thank you for starting OP. I was recently diagnosed.

What made you seek diagnosis?

Thanks for starting this OP. I have a friend with borderline personality disorder. How does EUPD differ? Some of the school mums struggle to bond with my friend as they don’t know enough about it. do you have any advice for either them or her?

I genuinely think I may have this. How do you find it manifests?

Yes, it is also called Borderline but EUPD is a newer name and one that my psychiatrist uses.

I was diagnosed after a mental breakdown when I was hospitalised for 6 months. I have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember and have been in and out of therapy but this was my first hospitalisation. Initially I was diagnosed with reactive depression but after further assessment was given the diagnosis of EUPD.

In terms of how it manifests there are 9 symptoms - you do not need to have all to be diagnosed but I can relate to all 9. They are: fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, unclear or unstable self-image, impulsive, self-destructive behaviours, self harm, extreme emotional swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, intense anger, paranoia/dissociation.

One of the problems with EUPD is it can have a big affect on self-esteem which can make it difficult to feel 'worthy' enough to chat with other school mums especially to start the conversation. I am so grateful when someone talks to me and is kind at the school gate. The mood swings can mean some days I have really struggled to drag myself out of bed and know I look awful which makes it hard to interact. Another day I might be trying to hide self harm or anxiety might be going through the roof. Just a smile from someone else can mean the world. I might seem stand-offish at times but really I'm just trying to cope, I might not be able to talk but any kindness is so appreciated.

For you op

I've known two people that have been diagnosed a few years apart. One of whom I'm still friends with. I've seen how it can ruin relationships and both have had to leave their job.

From my experience of the illness (I'm not saying that you could be like this OP as I understand everyone is different) It was quite evident that their moods fluctuated throughout the day. Sometimes within a matter of hours or minutes, mostly to the extreme. Aggressive outbursts, very black and white thinking. Alcohol and drug misuse. It was sad and quite worrying to witness.

Unfortunately, being on the receiving end, some people can be quite horrible about it. It is definitely a misunderstood and isolating condition from what I've seen.

Hi I'm borderline too. I did reply to another am a borderline thread but think I scared them away cos no one relied after me!
Have you met another person with bpd?

How to you cope do you have any tips on managing it cos I'm failing!

Thank you Cellardoor23 ❤
Yes, black and white thinking is something I experience too. It is very painful as you can flucuate between thinking a relationship with a partner or a friend is going really well - in fact it is perfect and you feel extremely happy - but the tiniest thing can lead you down a dark hole of believing they hate you or that they are in fact a terrible person. It is very distressing and extremely confusing for yourself aswell as the other person. It can definitely take a lot of patience to be friends or the partner of someone like this.

I have also struggled with drug and alcohol misuse. I am going to have some therapy round this soon which I hope will really help.

you can flucuate between thinking a relationship with a partner or a friend is going really well - in fact it is perfect and you feel extremely happy - but the tiniest thing can lead you down a dark hole of believing they hate you or that they are in fact a terrible person

yes. I am continually in a state of 'will they like me today' I also had a terrible alcohol problem which I Have now thankfully conquered which does make things easier but oh, the fear of rejection- ever since I was little; probably brought on by the death of my father when I was a toddler.

Hi OP, thanks for the thread.

I was wondering if you had tried DBT, and, if so, whether it was helpful?

Hi OP

I have a close family member who i suspect may have this disorder, i have lived thinking there was something not quite right about their behaviour.

My family member is on some medication but she has said this is for epilepsy as she was having these flashbacks where she would think there was someone there which caused her to start screaming.

is this something you have suffered with?

she also partakes i’m very risky behaviour with men she has had many sexual partners and has had very very unstable relationships with them.

i read the above can also be part of the disorder has this been the case for you?

sorry if the questions are too personal i understand if you do not want to answer

Happyfrown - I have met lots in hospital. As for your feeling that you are failing - I feel like that too! I think lots of us do as our self-esteem is so low.

The thing that really helped me in hospital was the routine and I think it would be helpful to try and implement this at home. I was taking my meds at the same time every day, doing the gym twice a week and lots of OT activities. There was always someone to talk to.

Hello, I also have this disorder. I am impulsive, scared of abandonment, extremely angry at times, feel lonely and struggle to be in a relationship with my partner at times. There really is a lot to BPD that people don't understand. I feel like I walk around hiding the real me but I hate having this illness. Do you know what triggers yours and why you became ill in the first place?

I had a very abusive childhood and was abandoned as a baby. I also had very over-critical parents. Abandonment is a big trigger for me now.

I also feel very lonley and feel like I don't really know the real me. I try to act like other people but then feel like a fraud. I know I am a complete nightmare at times but I wish people could understand how hard I'm trying.

Loz - do you know what caused yours?

@UndertheCedartree mine was childhood too, my dad was very physically abusive. Being pregnant with my now 1 year old, triggered it all off😞 I totally understand what you are saying, I also am trying so hard but I make so many mistakes in the process. Do you feel you have support? I have had counselling, group therapy and DBT but nothing really helps

Lepetitpiggy - well done for conquering alcohol - that is a massive achievement! The fear of rejection is so painful - I fear it so much but also think I deserve it.

Highsandlows-
I've not had flashbacks as such but 'transient psychosis' can happen with EUPD which can include hallucinations, paranoia and a feeling of unreality or seperation from yourself. It is transient as it will usually pass quite quickly and you come back to reality unlike something like schizophrenia where the psychosis is more prolonged. I take a drug called quetiapine which is a mood stabalizer and also anti-psychotic which helps with these symptoms. Sodium valporate is a drug used for epilepsy but is also used as a mood stabaliser so I wonder if this is what she takes?

Reckless, impulsive behaviour is a symptom of EUPD. This can take the form of reckless sexual behaviour. Unstable relationships is also a common symptom. I have luckily not experienced this as much as some others but I think this was due to meeting my ex-husband at 19. I was quite promiscuous before that. We were together for 15 years but I have begun to realise recently that it was pretty unstable.

I am currently waiting for a bed to become available for in-patient DBT. The modules sound very good and I am hopeful it will be a turning point for me. I am dreading leaving my children again, though. But I will be able to come home at weekends.

Loz- when I was first pregnant it triggered a lot for me too. It was the beginning of remembering my childhood and understanding it was abusive. I have had lots of therapy and it hasn't helped. Currently waiting for DBT but I am scared it won't work either. I had a really good care-coordinator but been passed onto someone else but she is rubbish. The children's social worker has changed recently too. I find it very difficult when things change like this. I think it triggers feelings of abandonment. I get very angry and deep feelings of sadness.

I wrote a long message and lost it!

basically asking if you ever get visions? from childhood up til around 3yrs ago I was disturbed by shadowy figures. size of fully grown adults. fuzzy shaped not straight lines, darting around the room. or lurking at the doors. would scare me to death! fluoxetine made it worse
I also think im who ever im in the company of if they have something that stands out. for instance I took my daughter to a neighbours dd birthday party and whilst in their company I found id talk or attempt to talk in their accent (they are African) as if I was one of them. was only when some one on a borderline forum said they do it, I felt less crazy lol
if I watch a film like X-men I then feel I have the powers
so much more ... its so hard.