I'm a Wedding Planner (ex) AMA

[tootsieglitterballs]

I’m a wedding planner (however I’ve currently left the wedding world to make babies) - ask me anything!

If you're married, did you plan your own wedding?

Do mates expect mates rates/freebies?

What's the least expensive wedding you've worked for - and what's the average?

@NotNachoing

Yes, I am married, and I planned it myself (with husband to be of course) - it was perfect for us - it was simple, it was small, it was just full of things we loved. No fuss, no massive expense. It was perfect!

The smallest weddings I’ve been involved with have been just the couple! And those have often been the loveliest, most romantic ceremonies. There is often a sad story behind them as to why it’s just the 2 of them, but sometimes, it’s simply because that’s all they want!

@NotNachoing sorry, clicked post too soon!

And those smallest ones, are often the cheapest, however not always! I’ve had weddings for just 2 people who have spent thousands!

For friends, i will always give advice if asked for, and help if requested, but i am always very honest with friends, in that essentially, they don’t actually need a wedding planner - nobody really does (well, there are some situations where it does make things easier, such as planning from abroad / huge budgets) , it’s more of a want than a need!

Have you ever encountered a bride and groom to be who were in an abusive relationship - very controlling groom for instance. One that made you feel uncomfortable.

Would you ever take a bride aside and tell her life shouldn't be like this and to leave her fiance? If you haven't, what would you do if you did come across this situation? Be honest!

@Somanymistakes this is where things become very hard. I’ve been involved in weddings where the
Groom appears very controlling, and in these situations one has to tread very carefully as you never know the whole story, how they may react to certain things.

If I suspect anything, I always try and have a conversation with the bride alone, never actually mentioning anything, just giving her an opportunity to speak more freely. Sometimes they do.

I’ve had instances where a bride has confided in me about not wanting to go ahead with the wedding for various reasons and of course I’ve advised / offered console / helped where possible, and these weddings generally don’t go ahead. It’s even happened in the reverse from the groom a couple of times.

I’ve had at least 3 grooms over the years who were extremely nasty people, and by the way they treated me, I hated to think how they treated their fiancés / now wives. Funnily enough, all 3 were ones where it was the groom who planned the weddings (1 I only met the bride on the day of the wedding) , the brides has little to nothing to do with the wedding. 1 of those grooms I was genuinely afraid of - I actually thought he was going to hit me once. It still haunts me, almost 10 years on.

What’s your favourite theme for a wedding?

@Killerqueen2244 oh gosh, now controversially, I hate the word ‘theme’ for weddings - I love weddings that are an interpretation of the couple!

I do like rustic / barn style as that’s very ‘us’ but really, I think they should just be an extension of the couple, otherwise it’s all a bit try too hard!

A wedding is about the marriage, nothing else matters!

Saying that, I do love a good winter wedding ! And also I’m a sucker for a black tie do, with an early evening ceremony when it’s dark, followed by a meal accompanied by jazz!

And a Christmas wedding - but if you are going to do a Christmas wedding, you have to go the whole hog for me! But do it at the beginning of December, not near christmas, everyone’s far too busy in December!

How much do you charge?

I guess things like Pinterest and bridal magazines allow us to get carried away with theming ideas- like the great Gatsby style and asking people to dress in the style, or the barn style....when it’s not in a barn!

Has anything gone wrong on the day like a supplier not turning up or the cake falling off the stand!?!

@Killerqueen2244 oh gosh yes!

Top tier of the cake has fallen off several times!

Bridesmaid broke her ankle falling down stairs in skyscrapers she said she couldn’t walk in , but the bride was that much of a bridezilla, she wouldn’t listen.

Suppliers not turning up has happened a few times, once a supplier I had booked, confirmed, re confirmed etc etc, all in writing - didn’t show on the night, had got his dates and days mixed up 🤦🏻‍♀️. Luckily that only ever happened once to me. All the others that didn’t show were when (usually) the groom insisted they could get someone cheaper... I need say no more!

Fire alarms were always a fun one... one venue were very strict on no smoke machines due to such sensitive alarms, all conveyed to the couple & suppliers, again in writing, what did the band do, set off smoke machines. Cue full evacuation during the first dance!

I’ve never had a jilted bride or groom luckily.

Groom caught getting it on with the chief bridesmaid - marriage was over before the honeymoon.

A member of the wedding party went into labour just before the wedding ceremony (3 weeks early) , and has the baby an hour later!

@cookielove it depends on what services are required! No set prices , every wedding is quoted depending on their requirements.

Thanks for your answer @tootsieglitterballs

It must feel very uncomfortable in those situations. Your job sounds very interesting.

Another question if you dont mind - have you ever had a bride and groom upstaged by a guest? Announcing their pregnancy proposing to their S.O? That kind of thing.

Few from me.

Would you say having a wedding planner can be useful for indecisive brides and/or grooms?

I get very anxious about organising things plus always look into tonnes of options, narrow it down to a few and the proceed to take ages to decide between them, weighing up pros and cons and then even once my decision is made I have 'wobbles" and wonder if I decided on the wrong thing/if other option would have been better and generally lots of "what if" thoughts.
If you've ever worked with someone like that how do you handle it?

Also how do you deal with PIL, MOB OR FOB problems without offending and fall outs ?

Is there a rough guide for how much booze to provide? Ours is going to be DIY for the booze but can not for the life of me figure how how much to provide!

@mishfish it’s very much dependent on what your guests are like, but for an average, I would suggest the equivalent:

2 drinks per person at the drinks reception, with the expectation that people usually like to order another

1/2 bottle of wine per person during the wedding breakfast is ample. If you are on a budget, do the speeches with that wine. If not, allow for a glass of fizz for the speeches.

If you are providing all drinks for the whole day, the evening is the hardest thing to cater for, and is very much dependent on your guests!

@Somanymistakes it is very hard in those situations, but a lot of what makes a good wedding planner is how they are able to handle things like that. I’ve always been a people person and have found I’m the type of person others find they can talk to.

@Somanymistakes the biggest was a birth at the wedding, luckily no proposals etc!

@mumpatrol actually, for a wedding planner, I think a lot of people have them unnecessarily!

Honestly, if you have difficulty making decisions, the immediate reaction would be to have a wedding planner, however there are 3 kinds of wedding planner you could come across - one will just take the decisions out of your hands, and could end up with you feeling like you have no control, another could end up giving you even more options! The third will be the one sympathetic to you, who won’t give you too many choices, but also won’t take the decision making process from you - that’s a good wedding planner! From what you have said, I would say only have a wedding planner if you feel completely at ease with the person, and confident in them. You will know.

@mumpatrol ref the parents / in laws, it does depend on what the situation is.

Regardless of any situations, I think giving them a little something to be involved in / help with / ask for advice on, helps them feel involved, like they are important and have a job without being totally involved.

Interesting that you think a wedding planner can be unnecessary. For what kind of wedding/couple/circumstances do you think a wedding planner should be used?

@Blueroses99 I think having a wedding planner is most beneficial to those who are perhaps planning a wedding in an area they aren’t familiar with, or from abroad.

There’s of course the weddings that are very large budget, with lots of different suppliers to co ordinate with . These certainly require the services of a wedding planner more, along with those who simply don’t have the time to plan (say) a big wedding. Some people just require the reassurance, structure, expertise, someone to keep them on track!

I think a lot of people do feel it’s the done thing to have a wedding planner, but it’s simply just not the case. The number of people that actually use one is very small compared to the number of weddings there are. Your best friend in planning your wedding can very easily be your venue co-ordinator! They often have many years experience, know all the local suppliers and can offer you guidance and advice too.

How did you get into wedding planning?

Why did you leave? What do you do now?

@HeyDolly I started off working in hotels, learnt the ropes of every department etc , and went from there.

I gave it all up to have a family! Hospitality industry is not the best for raising a family.