I had a nervous breakdown and recovered. AMA?

[Thisisit777]

That’s it really :) Not sure if my experience might be of use to someone..... no worries if not

At what point was it a nervous breakdown?

Thanks for starting this thread xx

What do you define as a nervous breakdown as it’s not technically a specific diagnosis or mental illness? (Said kindly, I’ve had more than enough mental health problems of my own)

I had one too. I sometimes wonder if they manifest the same way in everyone? What were the main features of yours? Did you take medication? I tried but it made me worse. Time was the only healer and it took almost a year to reach recovery. How long did yours go on for. You're very brave to do this. I still struggle to think about mine too much.

Glad to you have recovered! What were the circumstances that caused your breakdown and what helped your recovery?

Complete loss of functioning. For eight weeks if memory serves me correctly. Had to move out of family home, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, was suicidal, felt like my internal pilot light had gone out. Was horrific.

X-post, Kirsten!

Years of stress and holding it together relentlessly. Finally cracked. Was literally like a dam bursting. I felt the rumbles but had NO idea what was coming. It was like falling into the deepest hole - and I felt utterly bereft and alone. Medication and time pieced me together. And a family - who while freaked out - never let me go. They said it was horrific, I just sobbed relentlessly like my heart was broken. I felt it was. I struggled not to think my family would be better off wiThout me and I feel like I wrestled for my life on some level. It was almost indescribable torture mentally - and in part, physically.

I guess they would call it an episode of a serious depressive illness or in the older days ‘a complete nervous collapse’.

That sounds really awful. I'm so glad you're better now.

The magnitude of the pain and ferocity of symptoms took my breath away. Though looking back I was acting that I was ok when in fact I could hardly sleep, was being sick, felt horribly anxious etc.

I tried to soldier on - as I always had. But this time, it was impossIble. I really don’t use the term lightly.

Thankfully I am.

Was a battle like no other.

I often think of others in the same situ and wish I knew them so I could give them solace and sit with them a while. So they didn’t feel like they were totally irreparably broken. It is indescribable suffering at the time.

I understand what you’re talking about. I’m glad you made it!
How long ago was it? How do you feel in the aftermath - more fragile than before? Or stronger?

For a long time, I felt fragile indeed - like I was learning how to put myself back together.

I just wish I could be of more use to others who feel like I did at that time. I felt so alone in my suffering.

Now I think that perhaps I’m stronger. My marriage survived it and my kids still have their mum. That time in my life showed me in personal terms why mental illness can have a mortality rate, just like a physical illness.

Have you heard of the Japanese pottery art called Kintsugi? They mend broken pottery with liquid gold. I’m wondering if this is a good metaphor for how you feel now? The scars are always a reminder, but the experience has left you richer and more interesting?

Full respect for you for pulling through. I feel like I am teetering on the border, not just ready to go yet but it is always there. Good luck with your continued recovery.

Gosh that kintsugi is a great analogy indeed!

Tiredpony - I totally feel for you. Been there. Horrid place of teetering. Is there any way you can take your foot off the accelerator in any ways at all? My biggest regret is not making these changes when I heard and felt the rumbles begin to roar - my friend said it was like watching me run right off the edge of a cliff latterly. That’s what it felt like too. I was scared to stop at that point I think - but I wish I’d considered it as I do wonder if my breakdown would have been less agonising in some way if I hadn’t run full pelt into it? I wish you only well anyway. Please seek all help now where you can. The signs you describe are for a purpose - to warn you to try to get help now if you can , I think anyway. X