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My daughter has anorexia -AMA in the hope it will help someone else

49 replies

lisalisa · 12/07/2018 19:23

Just that really . Unfortunately she’s been very severely ill and spent a lot of time in hospital . Ask me anything .....

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PatchworkElmer · 12/07/2018 19:26

Nothing to ask OP, but just wanted to wish you all the best- I had anorexia in my teens and early twenties, but am thankfully recovered now. I hope your DD is getting lots of support from the NHS Flowers

1Wanda1 · 12/07/2018 19:26

First, I'm so sorry.

Question: how long was it before you first noticed something was wrong and how old was she at the time? How old is she now?

Livness12 · 12/07/2018 19:30


I just want to say I have anorexia too - I spent 5 months in hospital a few years ago. I still struggle massively and it is a long long way to full recovery, but I am so much further on than I was.

So in return - if you want to ask anything (or if I can help with answering), I am also happy to.

The effect of anorexia on parents, family and carers is so under-acknowledged. It is a horrendous illness. Wishing you all the best.

SockEatingMonster · 12/07/2018 19:31

Thank you so much for for trying to help others OP. I hope you are all getting the support you need.

Would you mind telling me if there were any early indications that your DD might one day struggle with anorexia?

thetitke · 12/07/2018 19:38

I’m so sorry to hear about what your family and dd have gone through.

Looking back would you say there was a significant event which set it off? Or a personality trait? And did you see it from early on?

lisalisa · 12/07/2018 19:56

Thank you Patchwork Elmer for your good wishes . My dd is getting lots of support from camhs. I’m glad to hear you have fully recovered- there is certainly hope

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lisalisa · 12/07/2018 19:58

1wanda1 - I suspected last May and that was when we first had her weighed . She was fine weight wise and remained so for a while - looking back I think that’s why we took a while to out the ED ( eating disorder ) as although something was clearly wrong she wasn’t losing shed loads of weight

She was just 16 then when I first suspected and is 17 now

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lisalisa · 12/07/2018 20:01

Livness12 thank you 😊May I ask how old you are now ? Did you ever self harm ? Did your ED develop into other mental illnesses ? Were you ever on meds and did you have to try several combinations or different ones to get the right one ?

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ChristmasTablecloth · 12/07/2018 20:03

I'm terribly sorry too, op. Does she have friends with eating disorders? I've known a few girls with eating disorders and they were all in a close friendship group.

lisalisa · 12/07/2018 20:05

Sockeatimgmonster. I would have said not although with this amount of therapy apparently she’s classic presentation. . Very stable , placid , seemingly happy go lucky and independent never needing anything from us . Very serious with her studies and signs became apparent around GCSEs.

If I could help anyone I would say
1 watch the alone time . I don’t mean 20 mins alone in the room with a screen but more constant isolation / going straight to the room and withdrawing from family life - that separation began a few years before the ED
2 when that sibling / family support is gone / not strong they are so much more vulnerable to what else is happening around them
3 watch things like - my stomach hurts, I feel sick in the mornings and can’t do breakfast but I’ll take an apple or coming home after family have eaten dinner

Best tip / be alert because once ED comes through the door it’s a bastard to kick out again

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lisalisa · 12/07/2018 20:07

Thetike / I’ve prob answered it above but I’d say pressure of GCSEs , small friendship group problems that got magnified in dd mind and bad relationship between ex and me . He became my ex after Christmas when I found out he was having an affair and this is when dds anorexia became full blown

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lisalisa · 12/07/2018 20:09

Christmas - unfortunately now she does since being in hospital . I wasn’t keen at all and tried to dissuade her but they’re all connected on WhatsApp . The ED friends she has are lovely girls I have to say and some are now outpatients so in recovery but still wish she hadn’t met them

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brainepson · 12/07/2018 20:14

I'm so sorry OP, I hope your dd is recovering.

Can I ask you please, my dd eats crap or junk food and hoovers that up and also eats fairly nice food - went out today and she ate tapas, octopus, bread, prawns etc. She is slim but not alarmingly so but food just isn't her number one priority. She's 14. Worry or not? I'm erring on not ATM but...

lisalisa · 12/07/2018 20:20

I would need to know more but generally if she hoovers up food then not . It’s more about that state of mind than the actual

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SockEatingMonster · 12/07/2018 20:42

Thank you for your answer. I very much hope you manage to kick the bastard ED out the door soon x

Shiraznowplease · 14/07/2018 04:27

Has she always been conscious of her weight? My niece who is 10 is extremely thin and aware of everything that is fattening. She came to stay for a weekend and eat basically nothing. I am really worried for her and made her mum aware.

melse2964 · 14/07/2018 09:29

So sorry to hear ...Just very curious as to what would she eat in a typical day

hope she recovers well

Gushpanka · 14/07/2018 12:16

Im really sorry to hear this.

What do you think of the idea that anorexia is a biological brain disease? In other words, some people are genetically primed to be anorexic?

Have you tried the Maudsley approach?

GrumpyOldBlonde · 14/07/2018 15:07

My DD is also anorexic, I'm sorry you're dealing with this horrific, lonely illness too. Hardest thing I've ever dealt with, so my question to you is, do you feel at risk of carer burnout? I'm OK at the moment but have come close.

CatNut2017 · 14/07/2018 15:14

I just wanted to say thank you to the OP and other contributors. As the mother of a 12 year old DD, I do worry. I am not sure what to ask. I will read other posters' questions & the answers.

GinUnicorn · 14/07/2018 19:17

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had anorexia and bulimia and wouldn’t say I’ve ever 100% kicked it. I have bad days some times still.
It’s hard to control but I hope your dd gets through it.

Wishing you well.

Queenofthestress · 14/07/2018 19:23

I recovered from my anorexia due to being pregnant, that was the only reason and I'm still not 100% there, I hope she comes out the other side soon xx

lisalisa · 14/07/2018 23:08


No she wasn’t always consciously aware of her weight . Her anorexia began as a result of anxiety

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lisalisa · 14/07/2018 23:10

Thank you to the posters who have shared their experiences and wish my dd well

Grumpy old blonde - I feel for you I really do . Yes I’ve come close several times to burn out it is so exhausting . It’s the all nighters or the constant worry that cause the exhaustion. Mentally I’m
Ok but physically it takes a huge toll

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lisalisa · 14/07/2018 23:11

Hush pains don’t know about the biological brain response

Yes we are using Maudsley

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