One of my friends sadly lost her son to cancer a few years ago. She and her dh made the decision not to tell anyone other than their parents when he became palliative as they did not want him to learn of the diagnosis (he was 9). They felt that if the news got out, he would perhaps hear it from a friend at school or whatever, also he had an older sibling and they didn't want her to know either. So it came as a real shock to all their friends when he died. I absolutely understand why they took that decision but it must have been so lonely for them.
Do you have other children and, if so, what have you told them ?
As DS spent every second he could manage between treatment stages at school, we had to let the school know of his prognosis, we had a lot of support from them and they took our wishes into account every step of the way. Due to DS being on treatment when he started at the nursery, his peers were already well versed in the fact that he has a central line, bald head, feeding tube etc, so physically, to his peers, he still looks the same, when I was at the school the other day (volunteer) one of his friends asked how he was, I said he was ok, just tired, the little sweetheart looked me in the eye and said “don’t worry mrs (my name) he was always a bit tired at school, he told me he has to get tired to get better”
The school has a policy in place ready for the day I wish would never come, it includes support for his peers, staff and DH and I.
I have a baby DS, (who the inlaws heavily criticised me for having, and still refer to him as DS’s replacement- but as I said, LC now) we are taking loads of pictures and videos, they have identical teddies they sleep with and when DS passes, Theodore Edward bear will go to baby DS.
I do completely understand your friends views, and as I said upthread, every cancer parent is different in the choices they make, this way just seems best for us.