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AMA
Original poster

I'm a Black British single mum...AMA

37 replies

ohsoamazing · 09/07/2018 17:22

Would love to answer any questions? I sometimes feel people are too shy or scared to ask certain questions to black or other women of colour. I can only speak on my own experience but it may help you understand other black women from the UK like me.

OP posts:
FissionChips · 09/07/2018 22:10

Do you feel that you are judged differently by the Black community verses the white community?

snowsun · 09/07/2018 22:19

Do you feel discriminated against a lot or is it rarely ? I'd love to hear it's never.

FissionChips · 09/07/2018 22:21

Versus*Blush

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 09/07/2018 22:29

Do you feel pressure on you to be that 'strong black woman raising her kids right' person? (Aka everyone else ducking responsibility if things get difficult.) Do you think that black men get an easy ride in this regard?

Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 03:17

@FissionChips in some ways yes. Around other black people I feel I can be myself right from the beginning, when I'm in a majority white space I often feel I have to ease myself in, by not being too loud for example or going above and beyond to show that I am a friendly person. In majority white spaces I feel I am pre judged but mostly out of them being genuinely ignorant. In black communities or spaces, I just blend in so nobody pays me any mind. Lol

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Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 03:20

@snowsun i would love to say never as well however it's not the case. I work in higher education and discrimination (and sometimes blatant racism from academics) is rife. Out and about in my day to day life I generally don't feel discriminated against but at work I do.

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Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 03:29

@HaroldsSocalledBluetits I don't feel pressure because I would like to think I'm a cool character hahaha. However I do fear my DS growing up to be a stereotype or negative statistic. Obviously all mothers want the best for their kids but I think that additional worry of being criminalized potentially or outsiders not seeing my child as an individual is a bit sad and sometimes frightening. Saying that I do hate that us black women are seen or portrayed as strong and very rarely beautiful.

I think a lot of black men do get an easy ride, as so many black mothers are forced to just get on with parenthood whilst a man can easily shrug off responsibility. This applies to all ethnicities though I think, however yes single parenthood is common in many black communities in the UK.

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Monty27 · 10/07/2018 03:29

What does AMA mean?
I love to think black ppl are comfortable in white ppls company.
I was at a neighbour's bday party the other week. She was well pissed off that I was the only white person there. Mostly I had a brilliant welcome. There was the odd younger woman giving me the eyeball.
That was strange.
However it was one of the best parties ever Smile
Sod them op. Feel happy in your skin no matter where you are Smile

Monty27 · 10/07/2018 03:31

Where do you live, UK, which part?

Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 03:37

@Monty27 AMA stands for ask me anything.

I suppose it's not that I am uncomfortable it's more so that I have an instinct to reassure white people that "I'm okay/safe/Not scary". I must point out that that's if I am the only black person though. I have had experiences of people wanting to touch my hair or commenting on my skin colour or assuming that i listen to rap music. I live in London so it is very much mixed, so majority of the time I feel alright.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 10/07/2018 03:56

How old are you?
That's weird if it's a mixed environment.
I have never had a black person asking to touch my hair. Wow

screepy · 10/07/2018 04:03

Thanks for doing this. Sadly, I think you're right in saying that many black British people are pre-judged. It's not fair, and I hope it changes in our lifetime.

My question is: how did you end up as a single parent? (Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude. I am just wondering if it was planned or not)

Monty27 · 10/07/2018 04:06

Really? How old are you and I guess if you have beautiful hair I can sort of understand it. I don't think it's racist though. Do you?

Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 04:13

@screepy no not rude at all. I reached a stage in life where I decided I wanted to have children so I went through the process of going it alone right from the beginning with a donor.

@Monty27 It may well be beautiful but I find it rude and also an invasion of privacy to touch (without permission especially). I would say no the act of touching a black person's hair is not racist just bad manners

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SlowlyShrinking · 10/07/2018 04:26

Why are you awake at this time? I’m also a single parent (white though). Solidarity.

Monty27 · 10/07/2018 04:29

I wish someone would want to touch my hair because it's beautiful 😁
Glad you got to become a parent. I was married briefly and have two in their 20s. Smile

Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 07:44

@SlowlyShrinking I'm a terrible sleeper :(

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noseoftralee · 10/07/2018 10:56

Do you feel the odds are stacked against black boys in schools? I used to work in a school and felt the discipline was much harsher than white peers. The exclusions and referrals to the PRU were predominantly black kids

LemonBreeland · 10/07/2018 11:01

Did you grow up in an area that was multi cultural or were you very much in a minority? And how did you find it?

Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 14:41

@noseoftralee 100%. I have worked in schools in the past, there are much lower expectations for black boys and also I have seen incidents of black boys being encouraged to study music, sports or even not take certain GCSE subjects when when they are capable of getting pass grades. This upsets me so much that I have considered home schooling my own children.

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Original poster
ohsoamazing · 10/07/2018 14:43

@LemonBreeland born and raised in London so very much multicultural. Despite this I have still been asked "where are you really from?" So I never fully feel that the UK is my home. Despite this I did have a happy childhood and made friends with people from a range of ethnicities.

OP posts:
screepy · 10/07/2018 16:36

How do you prepare your children for the racist discrimination and prejudice that they're likely to encounter?

NKFell · 10/07/2018 16:44

I'm also a Black British single Mum but I live in a very white community- it's something like 0.3% Black. I'm finding it quite interesting(/depressing!) that considering you're in a much more diverse area your experiences are largely the same as mine.

I have 3 sons and daughter and I already moved my eldest out of one school to another. The black boy stereotype is such a bizarre thing so can I ask you a more academia related question, although I think a magic wand might be needed, how can it stop? Is there anything us parents can do in your experience? My 9 year old is already been encouraged to play more sports- it's so ridiculous to think about!

NKFell · 10/07/2018 16:45

*being not been...typed in a hurry so please excuse!

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 10/07/2018 17:05

Just to butt in, I don't know what the answer is but I've seen it. White boys are "cheeky" and "energetic", black boys are "defiant" and "aggressive". It's so much harder to speak up for yourself if you're a black boy without someone telling you you're out of line.