Do you get judged for having more dc after having one with a disability?
I have been in the past, yes.
More so when I had my daughter (four years younger than eldest son) as people struggled to understand why I would want to risk having more children when I had a child who was severely disabled.
It was just that I wanted to experience all those little things that most mums were taking for granted. Just the small things like when I would go to fetch my child from nursery (he went to a mainstream nursery back then whih turned out to be a HUGE mistake!) and I would see the other children proudly presenting their mums with a painting or something they had made.
When my youngest child was born with a totally different disability people were shocked to begin with.
I think the biggest question they were asking was how I was going to cope.
How old was your eldest when he went into residential care?
He went into residential care the day after his 12th Birthday.
My youngest little one was 10 months old and in hospital at the time.
It came as a huge shock to me as I was given just two weeks notice and I had absolutely no idea (that SS disability team had been planning this for months behind the scenes insisting I wouldn't manage TWO severely disabled children with very different needs).
It was "voluntary care" and I still maintained PR until he reached 18, but I had very little say in it. They told me it was in my best interest to agree to let my eldest go or that it would become a choice between my eldest and youngest. They actually refused to release my little one from hospital until I agreed to let my eldest go.
I wasn't offered any counselling at the time and it was honestly the most heart shattering thing I have ever had to do.
I have never got over it.
What do you think about the welcome to Holland poem?
I think it's beautiful.
I first read it shortly after my eldest child's diagnosis when I realised that the future we were going to have was going to be very different to the one I had hoped for. It brought me so much comfort and actually inspired me to write this poem of my own.
As my son became an adult I added the final verse which sees him riding in his own special carriage.
(I have changed my son's name).
A group of young children are waiting with their parents to board a train....
which is destined for the most amazing journey!
It is a very special and unique opportunity, and in order to be a part of this experience each child is handed a golden ticket, which permits them to step on board.
Jack's ticket slips from his hand...and is carried away in the breeze.
I try to retrieve it for him....but it is too late.
The ticket is lost forever.
The train arrives and the children and their parents step on board.
I ask if there is a place reserved for Jack....but the door of the train slams shut!, leaving us alone on the platform.
The train starts to move off....slowly at first.
I lift Jack up into my arms and we start to follow it....desperately trying to catch up!!
On board the train, the children learn to talk,
They chat to their parents and ask inquisitive questions about the world around them.
They lose themselves in magical stories.....and become Kings and Queens, doctors and nurses.....as their make-believe play comes to life through the power of imagination.
Their paints and crayons create beautiful pictures of a colourful world....which they proudly present to their parents.
The dazzling excitement fills the carriage as the children gaze in wonder....
Santa has arrived with a huge sack full of presents.
Jack's gift is casually discarded.....
He doesn't understand the concept of presents and he doesn't know who Santa is.
The train starts to speed up now...as the children learn to read and write.
Jack continues to follow behind, but the gap is getting wider all the time.
The children put on a play....and their parents wipe away tears of joy and pride.
They start to develop their own interests....play football....ride a bike.....
Special friendships are formed....some which may last a life time.
Amid all the hustle and excitement....no-one notices the empty chair....
Where Jack would have sat to share the experience.
The train moves up a gear now as the children become teenagers and enter High School.
Here they study hard for their exams....and start to think about their chosen career.
The laughter of the teenagers echoes down the valley....
and then gradually fades away....
For the train has now disappeared.....taking them on to the next destination....Adulthood.
Here they will fall in love....set up a home....become a Dad...
While my precious boy remains trapped in his own unique world...
But he is not alone on the track...
Jack rides in his own special carriage...
Where he travels at his own unique pace....trying to make sense of the world outside his window ....
A world where everyone seems to be speaking in a different language that he can't understand.
He has physically grown into a handsome young man....with a smile that speaks more than a thousand words.
Occasionally that carriage will stop....and just for a moment we are allowed to step on board.
Jack looks me right in the eyes and takes hold of my hand.
In that fleeting moment.....it is almost as though he has stepped into my world.....just to say Hello....
And to let me know that somewhere.....way beyond the barriers of autism......and deep within his heart.....
He has found his Mum.