I'm an HGV driver. AMA.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

No, I don't eat Yorkies. Yes, my knuckles are hairy.

I've never had a load stolen, although I once had my tank siphoned. Empty vehicles park with a back door open to show there's nothing worth taking. It stops getting the curtains slashed for a quick peek.
I never lose pay for a late delivery, and it would be a very foolish employer who tried.
Female HGV drivers make up 6% of the total, far too low. It's never been 9-5, it's grossly sexist, and in some roles it still demands a lot of physical strength. A good friend of mine wrecked her hands loading bagged potatoes and roping them down.
Pensions are rare. I'm in SERPS, but I shall have to work until I can't.
Insurance is higher, because we have more accidents per year, although far fewer per mile.
The last question I shall answer later. It'll be long

Thanks for the responses so far, OP!

Ahh! I saw a lorry parked up in a lay by near me earlier and one back door was opened and I was wondering why. There were lots of boxes wrapped in film, so I didn't steal any. At least i know why now.

Best and worst, here we go:

The best routes are the A47 between Duddington and Houghton in spring and summer, the ascent to Stocks Hill Farm on the M62, and the A303 early in the morning. Worst: the Dartford Tunnel, the Dartford Bridge and the South Circular.
Best trip ever: driving a mini road sweeper to Holland and winning £70 at blackjack in the boat back.
Worst: convoying a total idiot to Den Haag and having to help him change a tyre in freezing slush, after he ran over a bollard. Broke down back in England, rang them up and they said they'd come and get me on Monday (Friday afternoon). Dropped the keys at a police station and hitched home. Never got paid, but quite a few threatening phone calls. Those two trips were my total foreign driving.
Best employer: I can't name him, because he did me a very large favour in allowing me to drive his vehicle halfway across England to make the fertility clinic. Also DW kneed him in the bollocks at the Xmas party.
Worst: he keeps cats now. He can't operate HGVs, and I believe he's not too hot on piano playing either.
Best vehicle: Scania 143. Worst: the current Mercedes medium tractor units. Beautifully built, lavishly appointed, and utterly horrible to drive. Handling like a sick camel, ride like a pogo stick, and the brakes are either off or brick wall.

Oh, and my longest day ever was Lincolnshire to Cornwall. 0400-2230, double manned. 1071 km, 350 litres of diesel, 7.5 hours driving each. If you make ice cream for a very naice shop in ThatLondon and live near Boscastle, I'm one of the guys who delivered your plywood.

Do you do overnights?

Do you sing?

What is the maximum number of hours you can drive for?

Overnights are rare, usually the result of extreme traffic. There was the blizzard, and last year it took 10 hours to do 400 miles due to roadworks and repeated accidents.

Hours: 9 hours per day, increasing to 10 twice per week. 90 hours per fortnight. Break of 45 minutes every 4 hours30 minutes, which may be split into a 15 and a 30. 11 hours rest between shifts, reducible 9 three times a week. 45 hours off per weekend, reducible to 24 hours. This must be made up in one piece within 3 weeks. In practice, very few weekends are reduced that far. These are the EU regs. Domestic regs are used by operators who go no further than 100 km from base, and basically just say you get 11 hours off per day.

Sorry, forgot about the singing. Can't carry a tune in a bucket

Does nobody fiddle their tachographs anymore?

my gay mate used to cruse lorry stops, do you see much of that happening?

If your not a tramper I assume you don’t have bed etc for when you need to sleep in the cab? That can’t be a comfy sleep!

Are you allowed radio/music? If so, what do you listen to?

What did you think of the Eddie Stobart and Ice Road Truckers TV series?

Tachographs are nearly impossible to fiddle now they're digital. You can interrupt the signal by putting a magnet on the gearbox sensor, but if you're caught you're in BIG trouble.
Never seen gay men cruising a truck stop, although there are some fairly infamous lay-bys.
Very few tractor units come without sleeper cabs. Mostly this is down maintaining resale value. The market for 2ndhand day cabs is tiny. At my firm, a guy got caught out in a rigid, so he caught a cab to the nearest hotel and put it on expenses. It's illegal to take daily rest without a bunk.
Music is fine, the radio is mostly R2 for Sally Traffic and middle aged taste. Personally, I run a big Bluetooth speaker off my phone with a chill out playlist.
Eddie Stobart: I don't speak ill of the dead, and the current directors have very aggressive lawyers.
Ice Road Truckers: very brave men and women doing a horrible job in 1970s technology.