I was a 15 yo Mum... AMA

[GiveItAMinute]

There should be an AMA section! Just in case anyone gives a hoot, and if it helps anyone in a similar situation, I became a mum at 15. I’m now 35 .

Give

I make no judgements. My natural instinct would be (at almost twice their age) to feel sad for a 15 year old who was pregnant. However, I don’t think being very young precludes you from being a fantastic parent and would never treat a young mum poorly.

We’ve lost touch over the years, but a friend of mine had her first at 17. She has 3 children now, all in school, and has just completed a degree.

There’s more than one way to live your best life, I truly believe that.

The relationship you have with your daughter sounds so lovely. I think being distant with your children is more of a fault than being best friends with them.

You sound like a fantastic mum! Well done, they're lucky to have you.

@LaMainDeFatima ** thank you, I think I have tried extra hard to prove everyone wrong. Before I got pregnant I was wagging school and was quite the rebel. Thankfully the young mum’s centre got me back on track but it is so much harder to make the mums these days realise that life is hard. They expect benefits and the whole “celebrity” romance and just cannot be swayed that hard work is the answer

There is literally two ways to go from being a teen mum; the first is to work your arse off to prove a point, and the second is to fall into a trap of becoming a young mum over and over again.
It all depends on the support and thank God I had a lovely family and friends or it could’ve been a very different outcome.

Lots of the young mums I come into contact with have little support (one of them is actually the child of a mum I was at the young mums centre with so a granny at 36) which is why I try so hard to help them

Honestly I think the worst thing to do with young mum’s is make them feel unwelcome at mum and baby groups. And I felt out of the norm when I had my daughter, on the cusp of 27. That’s not young. So I can understand why young mums are put off and might not attend.

I would be genuinely interested in taking time to help support young mums in my local area, but I don’t know if such a support system even exists.

@SemperIdem when I went to the baby groups with my second I made a point of including the young mums because it takes some guts to go to one, I never would have even dared.

There is literally two ways to go from being a teen mum; the first is to work your arse off to prove a point, and the second is to fall into a trap of becoming a young mum over and over again.
It all depends on the support and thank God I had a lovely family and friends or it could’ve been a very different outcome.

You’re sounding ever so slightly superior here, it is actually possible to have more than one child young and still be successful. I had my first at 18, had 4 by 25. Married, home and have completed a degree through it.

Please don't take this in the wrong way, I'm not being goady or a dick.

Do you feel like you've lost your childhood to raising a baby??

I had my son last year and god I miss the years I could have had on my own!

@melaniesmooter I’m not superior at all, you obviously worked your arse off to make your life better. Perhaps I worded it wrong; I meant the mums who just keep having kids because they don’t have the support to move forward in life which I do see every day and it’s sad.
No offence intended x

@DoIGetToSellMySoul no I don’t think I lost a
childhood. Because I was so young, dd’s grandparents were young and helped so much so I still experienced life. I feel more loss of freedom with my second tbh, now they’re older

My bf had a son aged 15. We lost touch because her partner was 22 and a total wanker but my mum ran the pre school her son went to and apparently her son was very well behaved and adorable. They are still together as far as I know ( she is now 45) I bumped into her a few years ago and her son had just finished a uni degree

Did you feel more under pressure to make sure your DD1 behaved well, especially in public? I had my DS at 22, so not that young, but young for my area. I constantly felt under pressure to make sure he was perfectly behaved because I felt people would judge me for it and blame it on me being too young otherwise.

Was your pregnancy any different to the children you had later? My mother had children from 16 on wards and swears that there is a link between increasing age and a difficult pregnancy.

In some ways, do you think it was easier being a first-time mum at 15 rather than say 18 or 20? Do you think you had more support because you were so young?

Is there anything kind that someone said or did who was outside of your family/friendship group when you were pregnant/a new mum?

I admire teen mums who manage to make things ok for them and their dc incredibly. I think they are wonderful.
I think society is actually far too judgemental of young mums, tarring them with the same brush.
I Also think that whilst it’s clearly not ideal, we were probably biologically intended to have children, perhaps not quite as young as 15, but maybe 18/19. If everyone did have their family at this age I imagine there would be far fewer fertility problems and pregnancy/birth complications Yet society judges these women as the irresponsible ones!
I’m not saying I’d want my ds to become a father so young but there is always more than one way to look at things and I think people are quick to forget this.

Wow gud on you ..thats brill i did some work volentry at a speacial needs school.
How did you cope being a parent at 15 xx

@ziggiestardust yes I think I was more strict with her because of the judgy people. So much more laid back with my son now because I know kids are kids and they all grow into adults! Things such as “tummy time” and the weaning etc I was much morw chilled

Thanks for posting this OP, I am a 'young mum' although not 15 and feel judged. I have a place to start my degree in September but I was unsure to take it. Hearing what you've achieved has really helped me to think I can do it.

@Flyawaypeterflyawaypaul I had a lovely teacher at the young mums centre who just never judged and believed in me. She is now my boss!

But the one thing that stuck out was something one of my friends said and that was anyone can give birth but it takes effort to be a mother

@mummastripes please do it, you can achieve whatever you want to whether you have children or not. If you have support you can make it work. Xx

I sat my GCSE’s pregnant and got 5 A’s and 4 B’s and one D (in history which I had to leave 30 minutes in due to morning sickness!). My mum was amazing the whole way through. My beautiful dd is the product of a much older man in a position of trust who raped me. I have never revealed that to anyone except my dh (and on here) and never will.

@melse2964 I coped with the help of lovely friends and family and I appreciate people don’t always have this. I must say that I did become super independent at 17, got my own flat, a job etc then went on to buy my house, did a degree and literally did it all by myself.

Was hard though I won’t lie, but I don’t think any harder than a lot of people

@Wellfuckmeinbothears shit that’s amazing, good for you!
I was shouting at some of our Y11s last week for napping in their GSCEs

Thank you! It was difficult but I am so glad I stayed at school and got my GCSE’s.

I had my dd at 18 now having number 2 at 32! Also had the experience of feeling out of place at ante natal classes etc. Did my degree straight away just took 1 gap year while I was pregnant. 15 is a whole lot different though I think, well done for keeping your shit together OP!

OP - how fast was second labour 15 years later? Sorry I'm slightly obsessed with this question because there are so few of us with such large gaps! And my DS is due in just a few weeks.