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AMA
Original poster

I was a 15 yo Mum... AMA

57 replies

GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:08

There should be an AMA section! Just in case anyone gives a hoot, and if it helps anyone in a similar situation, I became a mum at 15. I’m now 35 .

OP posts:
sausagerollsontheside · 06/07/2018 18:14

Did you have any more children after the baby you had at 15?
Did you feel judged?

CatLadyToddlerMother · 06/07/2018 18:15

Is the childs father involved much and was he also a teenager?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/07/2018 18:15

Where your parents supportive. What was their reaction when you first told them.

PippilottaLongstocking · 06/07/2018 18:16

Does your child feel it affected them at all?

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 06/07/2018 18:23

Me too GiveItAMinute! I hated the judgement and stigma attached. I didn’t smoke or drink, I went to antenatal classes, I breastfed and went to all the baby groups but not one single other mum even said hello to me despite me trying to start up a conversation. My dd was born with a fatal heart condition which resulted in her having 7 sets of open heart surgery from 3 days old to date so it had added complications but I could have really done with a Mum friend. I can remember being at my last antenatal class and all the other couples were exchanging numbers and talking about meeting up for a coffee and I sat alone at 15 years old trying not to cry. It was incredibly cruel of them. I can understand that they may have thought I wouldn’t want to talk to them or that we’d have nothing in common but a smile or a hello and just a quick chat would have gone a long way. Did you find it similar? I’m 30 now but I always make an effort to smile at anyone or comment on their little one regardless of age. I’d never want any one to feel the way I was made to feel.

LaMainDeFatima · 06/07/2018 18:26

Do you have other children ?

princesrules · 06/07/2018 18:30

@Wellfuckmeinbothears I had a similar experience to you in regards to the antenatal classes, I remember them playing a game and we all had to go into teams for this and everyone avoided me like I had the plague!

The general attitude from people made what was a hard and lonely pregnancy a lot harder and a lot lonelier and like you I always make the effort to be friendly to all

Bowerbird5 · 06/07/2018 18:33

We had a mum at school Who had her first at 15 and her second about 17. Her girls were polite, great readers and always had their letters back straight away, dinner money and trip money always in. I told her one parent's evening they were a credit to her. Some of the mums twice her age didn't bother listening to their child read etc.

Age isn't always the key to a happy family.

Well that is sad. How awful for you. You will be there for someone else though.😀

NCPuffin · 06/07/2018 18:33

Hi! Really curious, hope I don't upset/ offend you with my questions!

Were you in a relationship when you fell pregnant? How did you feel when you found out? Had you been using protection? How did you decide to keep the baby (assuming it wasn't planned, apologies if it was)? Do you feel sex education is adequate in this country? Did you feel judged? Did you get enough support? How did you manage??? Did you go back to school after you'd had your baby? Did you have more babies, and if so, was the age gap large or small? Was it common in your peer group for school-aged girls to fall pregnant?

Sorry, really hope this isn't too intrusive - I don't know many, if any, teen mums, and even if I did I would never ask such personal questions!

Wellfuckme that sounds horrible! Thank you for sharing your experience though, it has made me reconsider how to interact with any teen mums I might meet during my own pregnancy. Embarrassed to realise I might have excluded them without thinking...

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 06/07/2018 18:33

Oh I’m sorry to hear that prince. I understand some people just gel better than others but when you all have at least one thing in common (being pregnant!) the decent thing to do is include everyone. I can’t imagine ignoring someone or going out of my way to make them feel left out.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 06/07/2018 18:37

That’s really good to hear @NCpuffin. I think a lot of people (not saying you do) automatically avoid teen mums or instantly judge because of the whole stigma around them or they don’t know how to approach them but I think that needs to be discussed and for people to feel a lot more comfortable around the subject so that all Mums of any age, religion, race etc can not feel excluded.

Original poster
GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:38

Wow massive response!

To answer a few, sorry if I leave anyone out.

I had my second child at age 30. Most of my friends were only just starting to have kids and I felt massively broody. He is 4 now and my 20yo dd is like a surrogate mum!

I did feel judged, yes, but it made me want to make something of myself and I went on to do an English degree and trained to be a teacher.

My family were Catholics and I got “referred” from my Catholic school when I got pregnant to a young mums centre where I did ny GCSEs. Obviously it wasn’t how my mum expected things but she was very supportive and allowed me to go back to college etc. And she was there at the birth so has a special bond with my dd.

I was with the father of both kids until last year.

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 06/07/2018 18:38

(Apologies for the double negative in there, it’s hot!)

escape · 06/07/2018 18:42

My mum was pregnant with me aged 15 and married my dad on her 16th BIRTHDAY - this was in 1978. They had my Brother at 18 and were married 27 years until my Mum died.

Letloose · 06/07/2018 18:42

I also became a mum at 15! Have had 2 more now trying for a forth still with the dad he had a lot of growing up to do but we have got there and happier and content than ever. People do judge in most cases it’s the worst thing to do

Original poster
GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:43

Wellfuckme I didn’t dare go to any mother and baby groups first time round, thankfully I had loads of lovely friends who are still in my life and they accepted that I had child and helped me. They even babysat when I took exams I was very lucky.

And no NCPUFFIN I’m not offended by any questions, I didn’t use any contraception as I just didn’t talk to my mum about anything like that. Thankfully me and my dd are so close and I took her to go on the Pill at 16 as I knew sex was on the cards and she can speak to me about anything.

She is now a teaching assistanr, training to be a teacher xx

OP posts:
NCPuffin · 06/07/2018 18:43

Wellfuckme I think you've hit the nail on the head Sad Will definitely try to make an effort if the occasion arises, in the same way as with anyone else. I was mainly jealous of how trim the young pregnant girl I saw in the clinic the other day looked

mittensofsteel · 06/07/2018 18:46

@Wellfuckmeinbothears and @GiveItAMinute - really interesting posts to read and so sad that you were ostracised because of your age Blush.

I was wondering how you dealt with childbirth at such a young age? Is it different at that age and how did you cope with the pain?

NCPuffin · 06/07/2018 18:46

Giveit thanks for being so honest! Do you think that schools have stepped up to ensure that young people know about contraception? I'm also a teacher but I have no clue what the school teaches and provides in this area, it doesn't really come into English litSmile

Original poster
GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:51

@mittensofsteel Thankfully it was a quickish labour (8hrs) with no complications but I was pushed to have an epidural which I don’t mind about because I know the midwives were just trying to help. With my second I never even considered the epidural because I guess I expected pain and dealt with it, but luckily it was another easyish labour.

But i was back in my size 8s A LOT quicker with my firstAngry

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 06/07/2018 18:55

Do you wonder what your life would be life, for better and worse, had you not become a mum so young?

Do you feel really proud of what you have achieved?

Original poster
GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:55

@NCPUFFIN I now work in a special school which does have young mums, but some are sadly as young as 13Sad

I think sex education needs to be more brutal and realistic. I deal with kids who have had one at 14 then pregnant with their 2nd within a year and I just can’t see how they don’t learn their lesson- I literally had no scares for 14 years then tried for my second child and came off the pill which is why I’m so on the ball with my daughter i may check her pill packets

OP posts:
Original poster
GiveItAMinute · 06/07/2018 18:58

@semperldom I truly have no regrets because my dd is all I could ever want. I know it’s a MN fail to be “mates” with your kids but she genuinely is my best friend and helps me out like nobody else. She sees me at my worst and my best and is a credit to me.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 06/07/2018 18:59

*like

LaMainDeFatima · 06/07/2018 18:59

You sound like a great mum and role model to young mums. Your parents must be very proud !