I’m a Primary School Headteacher. Ask me anything!

[RonnieOnion]

This is not a TAAT, but I’ve just read one in AIBU about teachers/wine/holidays and it got me thinking.
What do you really want to know about us? Obviously I can only answer from my own personal experience.

Parents worry about being labelled as ‘that parent’. I think they tend to mean over-involved, too demanding. What % of parents do teachers perceive to be ‘that parent’?

I suppose I’m trying to gauge whether to raise concerns more often or continue to avoid being ‘that parent’. I’d guess I’m not in the top 20% at the moment, but I’m lucky that DD is an easy child.

Stinkywink
Why do you have dress up days?

Fundraising; curriculum launches; topic links. Just for fun! Most kids love them. Some prefer to come in uniform though. We don’t make a big deal of it either way.

Dramatics
If the Year 6 teacher was cast as Fagan in the Year 6 Leaver's play and there were 6 or more children who wanted the part, what would you think of the parent who reported this to you?
That’s outrageous!! I know 100% my staff wouldn’t do this but, if they did, id be very grateful for having it brought to my attention.

Aspieparent
Sorry I have another question. When it comes to things like a child not being toilet trained why is it automatically assumed it must be parents fault?
I have toilet trained my 3 year old when he was 2 yet people still believe my 4 year old is not toilet trained because I haven't tried hard enough even though the gp and HV have written to say I have done everything i can and that people need to drop it for now as next step is incontince team and he isn't old enough till her 5.
Tbh, I don’t think schools (in general) are the issue here, although I acknowledge there must be some who make this an issue.
The issue really is with the press, who keep banging on about school readiness and lazy parenting, which worries parents.

I have children with toileting problems from nursery up to Y6 and they are all dealt with discretely, kindly and practically.

It’s definitely not unusual to still be supporting with toileting in Reception, and there are usually one or two children who need a plan of support.

pennycarbonara
Accounts of teacher stress and teachers leaving the profession indicate that excesssively demanding or unfair SLTs are responsible for a lot of problems. Are the schools with these notorious among SLT in other schools? Do staff from other schools ever try and talk some sense into them?
This is an interesting question because it’s not always SLT, but how well people work within their culture and structures.

I know heads who are very directive and authoritarian, which I would have hated as a teacher, but the staff who work there enjoy the drive and the boundaries and so do well.
I have an extreme shared leadership style, which again suits my staff (some follow me from school to school because they love the professional freedom I offer); I’ve had staff leave though because it wasn’t directive enough and they felt adrift.

The demands really are from the government. SLT that act out of fear to try and meet unrealistic targets do the most damage to teachers, imo.

WeAllHaveWings
Have you see an significant increase over the years of the numbers of perfectly capable NT children not being able to go to the toilet independently because their parents say they "aren't ready yet"? Do you feel like you (or your staff) are having to do the parents job for them and teach the children? How much class time is really wasted on this?
We do have some of this, yes. I don’t think it’s all down to lazy parenting though.
Where parents are very young; where there is no older generation giving advice; the lack of children’s services; fewer toddler/baby groups etc: parents are becoming more unsure of when/how to do things. Bizarrely the internet hasn’t helped: too much conflicting advice.

When my children were little, I remember ringing my mum about potty training! So I knew one tried and tested approach.

What do you do if a chikd is sick or hurt or has behaved badly amd needs sending home and you cant get hold of the parents or care givers or emergency contacts?

@bigarse1
Do you know that you have every right to request an EHCAR yourself? You can contact the SEN department at your local authority. Your doctor can also initiate this.

Apologies if you know this already - the EHCAR is a request to submit a EHCP request, so in effect it’s the first stage. If you get approval at this stage, then you go to the next stage where you submit everything you’ve got.
You do not need school’s approval to do this but they must comply with the LA request for information

@RonnieOnion thanks yes we know that and are probably about to. our problem then lies with the fact that they have lied on every single form that they have been given so far. obviously don't want to give too much away but a child that is safety held several time a day, removed from the classroom multiple times a day, cannot write his name or do things he could do at 2 1/2 is not a child that has 'no issues'. we have been advised to wait for the written report from drs with the diagnosis and advice and then give them one chance to go for an ehcp and if not go for one ourselves

bigarse I recommend a new school. Childhood is far too short to waste it somewhere where adults aren’t putting children’s needs first.

We have been left with no option but to home educate DS, havung been repeatedly lied to by the teachers and head teacher at the school he was at.

He has dyslexia. It is obvious. He is showing every classic symptom of it. And yet trying to get any help from the school for him proved impossible. They denied that there was even a problem, refused to even consider it and even put him in the top groups for spellings where he was being set words to learn that he couldn't even read, let alone learn to spell.

He was in tears every day, saying he felt so stupid not being able to understand anything in class.

We took the decision to get him out of that environment and let him learn at his own pace.

But I still feel angry at the way the school denied repeatedly there was a problem and put the blame on us, saying we weren't helping him enough at home . We were. We always did and always will be there to support his learning. Unlike the school. I don't like the way schools seem to be heading - pushing away children with SEN.

Thanks @RonnieOnion. When I posted about it on the primary board the consensus was that I would be bonkers to take it up. The trouble is the teacher can be quite vindictive towards the children if parents take things to the head etc, and as he's also leaving this term I don't want to sour things for my DC, as the teacher has nothing to lose.

How do you you feel about politics creeping into the the classroom. And teachers personal views coming into play when parents want to go for 11+ etc.

How do you feel about the balance between highly disruptive, pupils, aggressive, sometimes violent, constantly rude, very bad language etc against average pupils.

How would they you react if about 10 parents in a class said for years they had to pay for help from outside the school because of poor teaching.

One more question the parents of dc who are constantly problematic ( no sn) do they get told every time the child hurts someone or is taken out of class

Have you ever bought stuff for a child/family out of your own pocket just because nobody else was prepared to help?

@RonnieOnion what do you think when a parent applies for a new school for a child at yours? I've done this with DS and he may have to wait for a space at our preferred school, it isn't because we are moving. I have emailed and informed the Head but I get the feeling he isn't impressed and I'm concerned about my DCs being treated differently whilst they are there.

Hi Ronnie. We have booked a holiday visiting family overseas this summer. We will be leaving several days before the end of term. I know you won't approve of parents doing this, but the savings are so huge that realistically, many families will continue to book term time holidays occasionally. Under these circumstances, would you prefer parents to be honest that it's a holiday (and therefore you have to record it as Unauthorised Absence ), or is it better for the school if parents phone in sick from the airport, and the child is recorded as sick in the register, even if you know it's actually a holiday because you can hear the passenger announcements in the background? Just wondering what arrangement schools prefer when their attendance figures are being checked...

brokenshoes
Can you give me some examples of the help that your school has provided where children mask their anxieties at school and let it out at home?
There are many children that hold it together at school and ‘let it all out’ at home; mainly ASD and anxious children.
Where we know this is happening, our SENCO and/or pastoral lead will meet with the parent to find out what the flash points for the child are. Then we will arrange the right support. Often, just good communication and a few simple changes helps. The key thing is that the parent is believed and school doesn’t play the ‘not our problem’ card.

@TweeBee
How do you choose which teacher will take which class next year please? Do you have disputes between members of staff about it? Thanks.
I can only answer for my school but SLT, the behaviour lead, Safeguarding lead and SENCO meet and go through every year group list.
We know which teachers we want in each year group and so we literally go through name by name and use what we know collectively to decide on the right teacher. Some of the things we take into account are:
SEN
Friendships and clashes
Personalities (child who likes order with the most organised teacher etc)
Behaviour
Pastoral support
We put a lot of thought in.
Teachers very really raise issues. If they do, we would have another look and maybe tweak the list.
We decide where teachers will go based on their skills and the needs of the cohort. They don’t complain. They say they trust me!

@Littleredboat
You can’t win? You said to me earlier you couldn’t win when I pointed out that working parents can’t make school events at 2.30pm? BELIEVE me, if anyone’s not winning here it’s the not-working-in-a-school parents. And no, we can’t take leave. We’re too busy saving it up to cover the 14 weeks of school holidays each year.
I’m agreeing with you. Don’t forget I’m a working parent, too. We can never ever get this right. In my school, with 600 pupils, a morning event will bring in the most parents; a late afternoon event a few less and an evening event (6-7pm) literally brings in one or two people.

@Danceintherain2018
Do you care about your staff? I have worked for my current head for 8 years and don't feel she gives a crap e.g. Knew I was having surgery. Didn't come and see me the day before to say anything or even message me while I was off. When I returned to school she never once checked in with me even though I was very obviously still recovering.
Yes. I genuinely do. I can only get good results for my children if my staff feel valued. I speak to every adult, every day. My staff are like my class. I know who needs help, who’s playing up, who needs a hug, who needs space etc. My SLT make sure that we make life as easy as possible for the staff, including making sure they get to see their own children’s concerts and sports days.
Sadly I know that’s not always the case. I’ve worked for a leader who didn’t like me before!!

@PandaPieForTea
Parents worry about being labelled as ‘that parent’. I think they tend to mean over-involved, too demanding. What % of parents do teachers perceive to be ‘that parent’?

I suppose I’m trying to gauge whether to raise concerns more often or continue to avoid being ‘that parent’. I’d guess I’m not in the top 20% at the moment, but I’m lucky that DD is an easy child.
There are very few of ‘those’ parents. I probably have 3, out of 600 children.
I have parents that want to speak to me every day but they’re not a problem. Some are quite needy and need a lot of reassurance; that’s ok too.

The only difficult ones are those that are bullies to staff. Abusive, intimidating and sometimes violent. It’s never about what they raise with us, it’s always the approach.

@Gileswithachainsaw
What do you do if a child is sick or hurt or has behaved badly amd needs sending home and you cant get hold of the parents or care givers or emergency contacts?
This happens more than you think. Either way, we look after them. It can be hard because we don’t have staff to spare anymore.
Poorly kids go into one of the pastoral offices, on a couch with a blanket, and the naughty ones come in with me!

LndnMummy - do you think your child can learn the skill of sitting quietly or do you think he has a condition that prevents it?

I f you think he can, I would get him to practice at home. Tell him you know he can do it, but he just needs to practice more. Use colouring books, jigsaws, any quiet activity, a timer that he can see and loads of praise and encouragement. Start small - target a minute at first.

@RonnieOnion what do you think when a parent applies for a new school for a child at yours? I've done this with DS and he may have to wait for a space at our preferred school, it isn't because we are moving. I have emailed and informed the Head but I get the feeling he isn't impressed and I'm concerned about my DCs being treated differently whilst they are there.