I’m a Primary School Headteacher. Ask me anything!

[RonnieOnion]

This is not a TAAT, but I’ve just read one in AIBU about teachers/wine/holidays and it got me thinking.
What do you really want to know about us? Obviously I can only answer from my own personal experience.

[Starstor]

I was going to ask if you have any advice?

[Starstor]

Hi, I wonder if you are still about for this thread? Our Head Teacher whom we've had issues with from Reception is not supporting our son's Year 3 transition. Panel stated a Mainstream with High Coin. The Head Teacher is putting off schools coming in, she is saying he cannot be in a mainstream class of 30 and won't discuss strategies these visiting schools do. He's a happy little chappy, no disruptive behaviour problems. We feel this is now about her ego as she wanted him out in Reception as he was not accessing the curriculum very well. They did not want to wait for us to get a diagnosis. The SEN Teacher left so it's all being run by teachers. If I bring up our parental view she just point blank won't discuss. If we complain I feel they are going to close ranks,

[TeacupDrama]

why do projects / models etc that are 90% parent and 10% child always get displayed at the front, when my DD hands something in (she is 8) it is 90% her work at least but then she gets discouraged as it isn't as good as some others; but I feel that me doing her homework is counterproductive it will fool no-one long term. she does 100% of spelling maths etc homework.

how do you really feel about some of the rules that seem to stop kids doing kids stuff like climbing trees, playing conkers, walking home alone or with friends; we all know that really less children are involved in car accidents than 10, 15,20 years ago, harm to children from total strangers has not changed in past 50 years yet I walked home on my own from age 7? we seem to treat children as babies till about 11 then suddenly in 6 weeks they are expected to travel 3 miles on a bus by themselves. I really do not think that fundamentally the UK is more dangerous than France Norway Germany when walking home from school without parents is considered completely normal for 7 year olds

I think most teachers are brilliant and head teachers must be as fed up as those of us in NHS with directives, box ticking exercises, a special language which actually excludes patients and/ or parents and pupils by not being plain English all of which stop us doing the job we actually want to do

[Tortycat]

not rtft but question re summer born children starting reception a year late. Why do the majority of heads seem to be against this? i would have thought they would be positive, given that an older child will likely need a lot less help when they start, and may do better in later Sats etc. Are there reasons most dont seem to support this?

[BoogleMcGroogle]

No questions, but I wanted to say thanks for doing the job you do. I think that being a headteacher is one of the hardest roles in education. They never seem to stop! I bailed after a term as acting deputy and trained as an EP.

I feel sad when posters talk of empathy removal and sorry that this is their experience. Sometimes, I can see that it's justified. But last week I sat with a secondary head, who has a reputation for sternness, as he cried for a child in his school. People are mostly doing their best.

[SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires]

what are your thoughts about logoed school stuff from a single shop?

Have you ever told a HT that they can't do the "everything has to be from shop A", it has to be put out to tender?

Do you do "the Class Bear" thing?

[RayneDance]

Thanks Ronnie.


Our head suggested this and the parents said they felt they would be punishing the child. Two parents did pull pupils out.

[RonnieOnion]

@Anon12345ABC
what do you think when a parent applies for a new school for a child at yours? I've done this with DS and he may have to wait for a space at our preferred school, it isn't because we are moving. I have emailed and informed the Head but I get the feeling he isn't impressed and I'm concerned about my DCs being treated differently whilst they are there.

Sadly, I can’t talk for all schools but I’ve never worked in a school where this was an issue. Not all schools suit all children and we can’t always resolve things to everyone’s satisfaction.
The head might feel a bit peeved but I doubt they’d take it out on a child.

[RonnieOnion]

@RideSallyRide76
Have you ever bought stuff for a child/family out of your own pocket just because nobody else was prepared to help?
Yes, many times. But it’s done carefully. For example, we had a parent going into a refugee who had left with nothing. We asked staff for donations of clothes, toys and toiletries for specified ages (without them knowing why, or who for) and we passed things to Mum. Children just thought she’d been shopping. That’s just one example of many different scenarios.

[RonnieOnion]

@RayneDance
One more question! the parents of dc who are constantly problematic ( no sn) do they get told every time the child hurts someone or is taken out of class
Yes. We don’t tell parents all the same squabbles and tantrums of the school day, but we would definitely tell them about those incidents. We would be working with them to change it.

[RonnieOnion]

@RayneDance
How do you you feel about politics creeping into the the classroom. And teachers personal views coming into play when parents want to go for 11+ etc.
I don’t think it’s helpful. I wouldn’t expect any of my staff to express an opinion that could sway a parent (and we do hold sway with many).

How do you feel about the balance between highly disruptive, pupils, aggressive, sometimes violent, constantly rude, very bad language etc against average pupils.
I’m unsure what you mean by this, but there aren’t many children like that, fortunately. When children do present like that, there’s usually a reason.

How would they you react if about 10 parents in a class said for years they had to pay for help from outside the school because of poor teaching.
I’d be surprised that they hadn’t voted with their feet, tbh.

[Anon12345ABC]

@RonnieOnion what do you think when a parent applies for a new school for a child at yours? I've done this with DS and he may have to wait for a space at our preferred school, it isn't because we are moving. I have emailed and informed the Head but I get the feeling he isn't impressed and I'm concerned about my DCs being treated differently whilst they are there.

[GeorgeTheHippo]

LndnMummy - do you think your child can learn the skill of sitting quietly or do you think he has a condition that prevents it?

I f you think he can, I would get him to practice at home. Tell him you know he can do it, but he just needs to practice more. Use colouring books, jigsaws, any quiet activity, a timer that he can see and loads of praise and encouragement. Start small - target a minute at first.

[RonnieOnion]

@Gileswithachainsaw
What do you do if a child is sick or hurt or has behaved badly amd needs sending home and you cant get hold of the parents or care givers or emergency contacts?
This happens more than you think. Either way, we look after them. It can be hard because we don’t have staff to spare anymore.
Poorly kids go into one of the pastoral offices, on a couch with a blanket, and the naughty ones come in with me!

[RonnieOnion]

@PandaPieForTea
Parents worry about being labelled as ‘that parent’. I think they tend to mean over-involved, too demanding. What % of parents do teachers perceive to be ‘that parent’?

I suppose I’m trying to gauge whether to raise concerns more often or continue to avoid being ‘that parent’. I’d guess I’m not in the top 20% at the moment, but I’m lucky that DD is an easy child.
There are very few of ‘those’ parents. I probably have 3, out of 600 children.
I have parents that want to speak to me every day but they’re not a problem. Some are quite needy and need a lot of reassurance; that’s ok too.

The only difficult ones are those that are bullies to staff. Abusive, intimidating and sometimes violent. It’s never about what they raise with us, it’s always the approach.

[RonnieOnion]

@Danceintherain2018
Do you care about your staff? I have worked for my current head for 8 years and don't feel she gives a crap e.g. Knew I was having surgery. Didn't come and see me the day before to say anything or even message me while I was off. When I returned to school she never once checked in with me even though I was very obviously still recovering.
Yes. I genuinely do. I can only get good results for my children if my staff feel valued. I speak to every adult, every day. My staff are like my class. I know who needs help, who’s playing up, who needs a hug, who needs space etc. My SLT make sure that we make life as easy as possible for the staff, including making sure they get to see their own children’s concerts and sports days.
Sadly I know that’s not always the case. I’ve worked for a leader who didn’t like me before!!

[RonnieOnion]

@Littleredboat
You can’t win? You said to me earlier you couldn’t win when I pointed out that working parents can’t make school events at 2.30pm? BELIEVE me, if anyone’s not winning here it’s the not-working-in-a-school parents. And no, we can’t take leave. We’re too busy saving it up to cover the 14 weeks of school holidays each year.
I’m agreeing with you. Don’t forget I’m a working parent, too. We can never ever get this right. In my school, with 600 pupils, a morning event will bring in the most parents; a late afternoon event a few less and an evening event (6-7pm) literally brings in one or two people.

[RonnieOnion]

@TweeBee
How do you choose which teacher will take which class next year please? Do you have disputes between members of staff about it? Thanks.
I can only answer for my school but SLT, the behaviour lead, Safeguarding lead and SENCO meet and go through every year group list.
We know which teachers we want in each year group and so we literally go through name by name and use what we know collectively to decide on the right teacher. Some of the things we take into account are:
SEN
Friendships and clashes
Personalities (child who likes order with the most organised teacher etc)
Behaviour
Pastoral support
We put a lot of thought in.
Teachers very really raise issues. If they do, we would have another look and maybe tweak the list.
We decide where teachers will go based on their skills and the needs of the cohort. They don’t complain. They say they trust me!

[RonnieOnion]

brokenshoes
Can you give me some examples of the help that your school has provided where children mask their anxieties at school and let it out at home?
There are many children that hold it together at school and ‘let it all out’ at home; mainly ASD and anxious children.
Where we know this is happening, our SENCO and/or pastoral lead will meet with the parent to find out what the flash points for the child are. Then we will arrange the right support. Often, just good communication and a few simple changes helps. The key thing is that the parent is believed and school doesn’t play the ‘not our problem’ card.

[theconstantinoplegardener]

Hi Ronnie. We have booked a holiday visiting family overseas this summer. We will be leaving several days before the end of term. I know you won't approve of parents doing this, but the savings are so huge that realistically, many families will continue to book term time holidays occasionally. Under these circumstances, would you prefer parents to be honest that it's a holiday (and therefore you have to record it as Unauthorised Absence ), or is it better for the school if parents phone in sick from the airport, and the child is recorded as sick in the register, even if you know it's actually a holiday because you can hear the passenger announcements in the background? Just wondering what arrangement schools prefer when their attendance figures are being checked...

[Anon12345ABC]

@RonnieOnion what do you think when a parent applies for a new school for a child at yours? I've done this with DS and he may have to wait for a space at our preferred school, it isn't because we are moving. I have emailed and informed the Head but I get the feeling he isn't impressed and I'm concerned about my DCs being treated differently whilst they are there.

[RideSallyRide76]

Have you ever bought stuff for a child/family out of your own pocket just because nobody else was prepared to help?

[RayneDance]

One more question the parents of dc who are constantly problematic ( no sn) do they get told every time the child hurts someone or is taken out of class

[RayneDance]

How do you you feel about politics creeping into the the classroom. And teachers personal views coming into play when parents want to go for 11+ etc.

How do you feel about the balance between highly disruptive, pupils, aggressive, sometimes violent, constantly rude, very bad language etc against average pupils.

How would they you react if about 10 parents in a class said for years they had to pay for help from outside the school because of poor teaching.

[Dramatics]

Thanks @RonnieOnion. When I posted about it on the primary board the consensus was that I would be bonkers to take it up. The trouble is the teacher can be quite vindictive towards the children if parents take things to the head etc, and as he's also leaving this term I don't want to sour things for my DC, as the teacher has nothing to lose.