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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

pronouns on booking form

281 replies

Iamawomanofconstantsorrow · 13/10/2026 15:01

What would you put in a form when it demands you fill in the pronoun box or it won't submit, and there is a danger said pronouns will be printed on the name badges? It's a professional conference.

OP posts:
alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 14:56

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 14:54

But you are being a tricky customer.

Not wishing to declare a gender identity is not being a 'tricky customer'. There are many reasons why somebody might not wish to do so.

If that's the case then no-one would be singled out. You can't have it both ways.

SerendipityJane · 14/10/2026 14:56

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 14:54

But you are being a tricky customer.

Not wishing to declare a gender identity is not being a 'tricky customer'. There are many reasons why somebody might not wish to do so.

Customers pay the piper ....

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:00

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 14:55

So being at school in the 90s? And yet Christianity continued to decline...

Not sure what point you are trying to make here.

Yes, many people felt excluded by worship in school and would feel excluded/irritated by prayers at a conference and would not wish to take part, and they might well start a thread on MN wondering the best way to approach this, and it is likely that a discussion about religion would ensue.

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:01

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 14:56

If that's the case then no-one would be singled out. You can't have it both ways.

Because they would be concerned that they would suffer discrimination because of their beliefs.

MagpiePi · 14/10/2026 15:09

SerafinasGoose · 14/10/2026 14:09

Had this been a viable option then no doubt OP would have ignored that data field entirely and simply got on with her day. The way the form was set up meant that she had to type something. And typing something other than the requested information sends a specific message that this person is not engaging.

The data field was mandatory. That is the problem we're addressing here.

We have had our annual 'how amazing is it working for our company' survey. On the first page is the question and the only options to pick 'what is your gender- male/female/Non-binary/prefer not to answer'. It is not possible to answer this truthfully if you do not ascribe to gender ideology as choosing 'prefer not to answer' still implies that you have a gender. This question is mandatory so I couldn't move to the next page and complete the rest of the survey.

SerendipityJane · 14/10/2026 15:11

MagpiePi · 14/10/2026 15:09

We have had our annual 'how amazing is it working for our company' survey. On the first page is the question and the only options to pick 'what is your gender- male/female/Non-binary/prefer not to answer'. It is not possible to answer this truthfully if you do not ascribe to gender ideology as choosing 'prefer not to answer' still implies that you have a gender. This question is mandatory so I couldn't move to the next page and complete the rest of the survey.

A really dedicated tricky customer would of course print it out. Make the appropriate answers and submit it by hand/post.

NimbleTaupeTiger · 14/10/2026 15:14

I don't think that putting in a pronoun is such a big deal, it means that other people at the conference can use your choice of pronoun and not cause offence.

I get offended by the term "cis woman" I am not a "cis woman" I am simply a woman.

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:16

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 14:54

But you are being a tricky customer.

Not wishing to declare a gender identity is not being a 'tricky customer'. There are many reasons why somebody might not wish to do so.

God forbid women be 'tricky' or 'difficult' eh?

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:17

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:01

Because they would be concerned that they would suffer discrimination because of their beliefs.

But why would they suffer discrimination if they aren't being considered a 'tricky customer'? Do you see the issue here? If not answering a simple question in a professional way in a professional environment isn't being a 'tricky customer' then surely there would be downsides? Especially if, as someone else said there are a magnitude of potential reasons why. For what it's worth I wouldn't think 'n/a' would have any negative connotations - but for a lot of the examples on this thread, I would see nothing but negative connotations. They are simply not professional.

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:18

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:16

God forbid women be 'tricky' or 'difficult' eh?

Edited

Anyone behaving in a 'tricky' or 'difficult' manner in a professional environment would be judged negatively. Regardless of their sex. It's about behaviour...

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:22

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:17

But why would they suffer discrimination if they aren't being considered a 'tricky customer'? Do you see the issue here? If not answering a simple question in a professional way in a professional environment isn't being a 'tricky customer' then surely there would be downsides? Especially if, as someone else said there are a magnitude of potential reasons why. For what it's worth I wouldn't think 'n/a' would have any negative connotations - but for a lot of the examples on this thread, I would see nothing but negative connotations. They are simply not professional.

But why would they suffer discrimination if they aren't being considered a 'tricky customer'?

Because sometimes people discriminate unlawfully against other people on the basis of belief.

ETA 'unlawfully'. I accept that my not being a Christian does prevent me from being the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:22

A reminder of the OP

"What would you put in a form when it demands you fill in the pronoun box or it won't submit, and there is a danger said pronouns will be printed on the name badges? It's a professional conference." (my emphasis)

This isn't particularly being difficult for the sake of it. This is not wanting to have pronouns on a badge and trying to find a workaround due to not being offered a clear way to opt out. The OP isn't saying others shouldn't have the option if they want it.

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:25

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:18

Anyone behaving in a 'tricky' or 'difficult' manner in a professional environment would be judged negatively. Regardless of their sex. It's about behaviour...

The OP isn't actually being difficult in this case, but given that women have been branded 'difficult' 'in a professional environment' for everything from refusing to wear high heels to refusing to sleep with the boss, I'll pass on your people-pleaser 'judgement' thanks.

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:25

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:22

But why would they suffer discrimination if they aren't being considered a 'tricky customer'?

Because sometimes people discriminate unlawfully against other people on the basis of belief.

ETA 'unlawfully'. I accept that my not being a Christian does prevent me from being the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

Edited

They do. But how would they know unless they were told?

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:26

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:25

The OP isn't actually being difficult in this case, but given that women have been branded 'difficult' 'in a professional environment' for everything from refusing to wear high heels to refusing to sleep with the boss, I'll pass on your people-pleaser 'judgement' thanks.

And those examples of course mean that no woman can ever behave in a difficult manner ever.

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:27

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:25

They do. But how would they know unless they were told?

For instance if it were assumed because of what was written or not written on the name badge. As explained above and in the OP, the OP is not trying to be 'difficult'.

nicepotoftea · 14/10/2026 15:27

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:26

And those examples of course mean that no woman can ever behave in a difficult manner ever.

?

wiredandtired · 14/10/2026 15:32

Iamawomanofconstantsorrow · 14/10/2026 14:03

@wiredandtired it does make a difference if they then print N/A on my name badge though doesn't it? It singles me out as a tricky customer

Did that happen?

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 15:32

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:26

And those examples of course mean that no woman can ever behave in a difficult manner ever.

It would have been quicker if you'd have just gone with "stop making a fuss, love".

I'll try this slowly. Someone doesn't buy in to the whole 'everyone has to have their pronouns on display', encounters a platform that doesn't appear to allow an opt out and asks for some ideas to bypass it. It would only be a person who mindlessly complies with every request they come across, regardless of whether it makes them uncomfortable, that would think this was 'difficult'.

Screamingabdabz · 14/10/2026 15:38

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 14:45

So being asked your preferred pronouns causes you hurty feelings? With respect - if someone is that fragile, it's unlikely they'll be able to hold down a professional job.

Oh the irony. 🙄

SirChenjins · 14/10/2026 15:50

Would a Muslim person who kicks up stink about being asked to state their faith but was only offered the options of Jewish or Christian be called 'fragile'?

Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 14/10/2026 15:58

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:18

Anyone behaving in a 'tricky' or 'difficult' manner in a professional environment would be judged negatively. Regardless of their sex. It's about behaviour...

Don't you find the irony of a man not conforming (by pretending to be a woman and saying he is a woman) is called stunning and brave.

But a woman not conforming (by refusing to participate in gender stereotype reinforcement and make believe) is called a tricky customer, difficult etc

FlatCatYellowMat · 14/10/2026 16:11

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 15:18

Anyone behaving in a 'tricky' or 'difficult' manner in a professional environment would be judged negatively. Regardless of their sex. It's about behaviour...

Except of course that's not true - women are punished more severely for being 'tricky' than men.

I'm talking about sex of course - the trans colleagues I've occasionally had were given even more leeway (the male ones at least.. the female ones were generally avoided by the senior staff, the male ones seemed to actually be invited by them!). Why yes, I do work in IT.

SwirlyGates · 14/10/2026 16:16

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 12:50

In what way are you harmed by being asked which pronouns you would prefer to be referred by? Be specific.

Specifically, then (and not by "being asked" but, it seems in this case, "being forced to declare" my pronouns)

  1. Stating my pronouns is an implicit support for the rewriting of language to suit gender ideology, which I fundamentally disagree with. Men are not "she"; men are not "women".
  2. Pronouns are sex-based, and no native speaker of English** has, in all my decades, been confused as to what to use for me.
  3. If they were genuinely confused as to whether I am she/her or he/him, that says something about their cognitive faculties - maybe because they are 2 years old, or mentally ill. I would not expect these people to be delegates at a conference.
  4. It has been shown that, as a woman, highlighting the fact that you are a woman by pronouns or by other means (e.g. a woman's name to sign an email) leads to discrimination and less favourable treatment. Why on earth would I want this?

**Sometimes non-native speakers of a language that doesn't always distinguish he/she, have slipped up and used "he". It is very jarring, but I don't assume they think I am a man, but that they have made a mistake in their English - I have also heard them use "she" for men.

SerendipityJane · 14/10/2026 16:26

SwirlyGates · 14/10/2026 16:16

Specifically, then (and not by "being asked" but, it seems in this case, "being forced to declare" my pronouns)

  1. Stating my pronouns is an implicit support for the rewriting of language to suit gender ideology, which I fundamentally disagree with. Men are not "she"; men are not "women".
  2. Pronouns are sex-based, and no native speaker of English** has, in all my decades, been confused as to what to use for me.
  3. If they were genuinely confused as to whether I am she/her or he/him, that says something about their cognitive faculties - maybe because they are 2 years old, or mentally ill. I would not expect these people to be delegates at a conference.
  4. It has been shown that, as a woman, highlighting the fact that you are a woman by pronouns or by other means (e.g. a woman's name to sign an email) leads to discrimination and less favourable treatment. Why on earth would I want this?

**Sometimes non-native speakers of a language that doesn't always distinguish he/she, have slipped up and used "he". It is very jarring, but I don't assume they think I am a man, but that they have made a mistake in their English - I have also heard them use "she" for men.

  1. They haven't included my pronouns in the list.
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