pronouns on booking form

Again - the harm and mental distress has been life-long when people see a girl/woman and make all sorts of assumptions about me. If I put pronouns on a badge, then they will make even more assumptions about me, and assume I agree (like you labelling those women 'cis')

3rd party pronouns based on sex are totally non-judgemental, inferring nothing but a person's sex. Forced 3rd party pronouns push gender identity and stereotypes onto a person.

Only one of these is harmful.

If it weren't such an important conference, I really would put "he/him" just to see what happened.

In reality, nothing would happen because we rarely hear people talking about us in the third person. So it's all just performative.

Everyone kept quoting it...I am at severe risk right now. Halp.

In general the polite pronoun to use when somebody is present is 'you'.

Many people will not feel ready to declare a gender identity, even if they feel they have one.

Many people who are trans have made it very obvious that they present as either male and female and I assume it's insulting to suggest that this isn't clear.

If nobody in the room is trans it's just smug and performative.

Who is it for? A minority of people who want it to be recognised that they don't identify as male or female, but would suffer distress if they were the only person telling other people their pronouns? Is it really better to sit in a room full of obviously male and female people and be the only one who has to say "please use they?".

I'm not understanding the comparison here. The name you give in Starbucks is completely meaningless.

Forcing people to declare pronouns is more akin to forcing somebody to swear on a religious text.

I've never bought a drink in Starbucks! In fact I'm not sure I've ever actually been in a Starbucks at all. I Can't imagine giving them my name if I did, certainly not my actual name, cos that would just be weird.

Well done and thank you for not falling into an ad hominem diversion over a typo; they really aren't the gotcha people think they are.

One of my kids gives a different name every time. Ideally one hard to spell or pronounce. One finds one's amusements where one can, I guess.

@RedCatta , giving preferred pronouns is agreeing to the sexist concept of gender ideology. I have a sex, not a gender identity, and I don't consent to having a gender identity assigned to me.

Feminists spent years trying to get rid of this shit and now it’s been repackaged as somehow progressive.

Having to state allegiance to something I don't believe in absolutely causes me harm.

I want to learn this by heart for whenever I am asked my views on gender ideology!

I agree it is performative. I remember when Sturgeon put them in her SM. Suddenly it seemed that everyone was too stupid to realise what pronouns to use for her. I wouldn’t put them on any badge of mine because I don’t like to infer people are stupid.

It's the equivalent of being asked:

"Have you stopped beating your children ?"

an insulting question where any answer confirms the premise.

I left a work meeting five minutes in just now (had “technical issues”) because all the senior people were introducing themselves with their pronouns. I can’t bear it. They’re obviously male or female and no one is going to be referring to them in the third person. It’s performative nonsense.
I couldn’t bear to listen to one more person say “my pronouns are she/her”. These are intelligent, senior people and it feels so out of date to still be announcing pronouns.

Have everyone lost their minds?!

It's just so that they can say "Flat White for Cleopatra" without getting the orders mixed up. there is not requirement to give your real name.

You just give first name - or a made up name if you prefer. It's just so they can let you know when your drink is ready.

To people for whom it does matter what pronouns they are referred to by, it can cause severe emotional distress and be detrimental to their mental health.

Given that presumably these people will be total strangers whom the OP has not met and may well not ever meet again, why is OP required to act as their therapist and MH nurse and be aware of their emotional reactions? given that this is a professional conference and these are (I assume) professional adults, can't the act like it and manage their emotional reactions instead of expecting everyone else to coddle them?

Which is why no organisation should be collecting the data

Something they all too often forget

But if they do choose to collect it, then they have an obligation in law to ensure it is kept up to date.

Now speaking for myself - as an old bag - all of this pronoun business is all very confusing and new.

I might have to experiment with a few to ensure I have the right ones.

Maybe changing them 3 times a day.

After all, since they are now (apparently) an integral part of my identity (who knew ?) then it's imperative they are handled with dignity and respect.

As I say, it's hard not to think that there is something in my attitude that wards off pronoun proselytizers

Sorry OP but this is a complete non-issue. Just write N/A if you don't want to answer. N/A literally means Not Applicable - it's the same as not writing anything.

I think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say that writing N/A on a form is 'acting as their therapist and MH nurse'.

I disagree that this is harmless. It's patently obvious what sex I am, and referring to me accordingly isn't a matter of continual angst or self-reflection. On that account I'm clear about three points:

I'm not holding up a flag announcing my adherence to a set of gendered stereotypes I consider harmful.

I want equal respect for my own right to self-determination. Following this practice means that is sorely lacking.

I will not constantly draw attention to my sex in a society and a workplace where I have personally experienced discrimination because I am female.

I strongly reject that these considerations make me 'transphobic'. I don't want to offer a comment on other people's right to present as they wish. I would simply like the basic courtesy of being allowed to remain silent. Yet in this climate it's inceasingly hard to obey the 'never discuss religion or politics' mantra without being viewed as an 'unsafe' person.

I'm in academia. These practices are entrenched and not at all uncommon. When put on the spot in a meeting I have answered 'that's not a practice I follow'. With a dropdown menu I would probably answer 'any, or none'.

I don't use pronouns I know would offend others. However, I've engaged in linguistic contortionism for years to avoid using sex-based pronouns. It's hard, but you do get practised at it. It kills two birds with one stone. You avoid compromising your own principles and also do not inadvertently offend anyone.

In what way are you harmed by being asked which pronouns you would prefer to be referred by? Be specific.

Pronouns refer to gender and it is a request to declare identification with a gender.

How is somebody being harmed if somebody just politely declines to declare their pronouns?

I'm also not sure that it's entirely polite to ask the preferred pronouns of a trans woman whose name badge says 'Jane'.