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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

pronouns on booking form

281 replies

Iamawomanofconstantsorrow · 13/10/2026 15:01

What would you put in a form when it demands you fill in the pronoun box or it won't submit, and there is a danger said pronouns will be printed on the name badges? It's a professional conference.

OP posts:
BackToLurk · 15/10/2026 14:26

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 15/10/2026 13:04

And that 'N/A' will inevitably make it on to the badge itself, as though it were 'your pronouns' - so people will either tie themselves in knots trying to use them ("I just spoke to Claire about A company and N gave me one of A's business cards and N invited me to get in touch with A"); or if they're 'non-believers', they will just sigh when they see that you have 'your' special pronouns and swerve you.

'me/my' would be delightful there.

Grammarnut · 15/10/2026 14:22

Zimunya · 13/10/2026 15:24

I would contact the organisers and quote Principle 6 of the Yogyakarta Principles
"Everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, is entitled to the enjoyment of privacy without arbitrary or unlawful interference, including with regard to their family, home or correspondence as well as to protection from unlawful attacks on their honour and reputation. The right to privacy ordinarily includes the choice to disclose or not to disclose information relating to one’s sexual orientation or gender identity, as well as decisions and choices regarding both one’s own body and consensual sexual and other relations with others." (https://yogyakartaprinciples.org/principle-6/)

You are not obliged to state your gender identity.

Edited

This set of misogynistic principles should not be quoted from for any reason whatsoever.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 15/10/2026 13:31

I hadn't thought that through to its logical conclusion

And now I shall not be able to do anything else 🙃

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 15/10/2026 13:04

SamphiretheTervosaur · 15/10/2026 12:14

Its not that it isn't applicable it is that it is arrant nonsense and, in some organisations, could have a very real negative impact

And that 'N/A' will inevitably make it on to the badge itself, as though it were 'your pronouns' - so people will either tie themselves in knots trying to use them ("I just spoke to Claire about A company and N gave me one of A's business cards and N invited me to get in touch with A"); or if they're 'non-believers', they will just sigh when they see that you have 'your' special pronouns and swerve you.

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 15/10/2026 13:00

SerendipityJane · 15/10/2026 08:54

As if anyone has ever been quizzed on their pronouns .. (adopts a very hard stare)

Presumably not quizzing you about pronouns, but rather asking why it says 'Louise Collins (Louise Collins)' on your badge?!

Then again, I suppose some people do set up businesses and enterprises that are literally just their own names, so if they don't know about the intended format of the badge, they could just think it signifies that you are Louise Collins (the CEO) of Louise Collins (your company)?!

SamphiretheTervosaur · 15/10/2026 12:14

wiredandtired · 14/10/2026 12:25

Sorry OP but this is a complete non-issue. Just write N/A if you don't want to answer. N/A literally means Not Applicable - it's the same as not writing anything.

Its not that it isn't applicable it is that it is arrant nonsense and, in some organisations, could have a very real negative impact

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 15/10/2026 10:20

DrBlackbird · 14/10/2026 18:07

If you could point me to that research, I’d love to read it. I’m constantly pushing back on the asking for pronouns thing.

Apologies, I can't find a bookmark for it. Which suggests I read it in a book rather than online. Potentially Gina Rippon. I'll come back to you if my memory throws up anything more useful.

GreenwayHouse · 15/10/2026 09:16

If it’s a paper label put inside one of those plastic badges with a safety pin, you can always take some scissors and cut off the pronouns or whatever ends up being printed underneath. I’ve done that before.

SerendipityJane · 15/10/2026 08:54

JustEatThePizza · 15/10/2026 08:50

If you can't type in blank characters (like space or tab) put your fullname in the pronouns section, therefore it looks like a printing error on the badge, and you can play dumb when people quiz you on it.

As if anyone has ever been quizzed on their pronouns .. (adopts a very hard stare)

JustEatThePizza · 15/10/2026 08:50

If you can't type in blank characters (like space or tab) put your fullname in the pronouns section, therefore it looks like a printing error on the badge, and you can play dumb when people quiz you on it.

SerendipityJane · 15/10/2026 08:46

I wonder if the conference is being organised by a commercial interest ? If so maybe writing your own name badge on a card with a rivals log might focus attention ?

Alternatively no name badge, but use fact you have to verbally introduce yourself to your advantage ?

Cat and ways and skin and all that.

I know what I wouldn't do, and that's put up with this shit like some PPs claim they would. (In my case I owe it to DM who would never have put up with this bollocks.)

Theeyeballsinthesky · 15/10/2026 07:44

2021x · 15/10/2026 07:21

This is an interesting point.

Why is it detrimental to their mental health for a pronoun to be used?

For example, it does not cause me distress if a male pronoun is used in reference to me. Why does it cause this group severe emotional distress if someone uses a different pronoun?

ooh ohhh I know!!

is it because you're an actual adult who dies t take to the fainting couch if anyone (oh the horror!) wrong sexes you?

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 15/10/2026 07:42

2021x · 15/10/2026 07:21

This is an interesting point.

Why is it detrimental to their mental health for a pronoun to be used?

For example, it does not cause me distress if a male pronoun is used in reference to me. Why does it cause this group severe emotional distress if someone uses a different pronoun?

It's Schröedinger's Pronoun. It's such a trivial, irrelevant point of mundane grammar for the vast majority of people to care about; but at the same time, it's pretty much the single most important thing about them for a minority of people.

2021x · 15/10/2026 07:21

RedCatta · 14/10/2026 07:37

Me? none.
Other people? To people for whom it does matter what pronouns they are referred to by, it can cause severe emotional distress and be detrimental to their mental health.

Tell me with honesty and sincerity that ticking a box and allowing people to clearly know how you would prefer to be referred to causes you similar harm.

This is an interesting point.

Why is it detrimental to their mental health for a pronoun to be used?

For example, it does not cause me distress if a male pronoun is used in reference to me. Why does it cause this group severe emotional distress if someone uses a different pronoun?

Iamawomanofconstantsorrow · 15/10/2026 06:50

Hello @alcovecupboards do you understand what I was saying now that @SeasideWalkaroundStore has also explained? In the OP... There is a danger whatever I write will go on the name badge. Then people will know before I have even spoken that I am not subscribed to this and it will skew their view of me, when I don't want it to affect my work as it is totally irrelevant.

I also feel uncomfortable stating pronouns as it's ludicrous and nothing to do with me

OP posts:
Manyanamanyana · 15/10/2026 01:53

GreenwayHouse · 14/10/2026 14:25

This blog is interesting on the pronoun issue. It was shared in response to a post on X showing that someone from the Cabinet Office had put their pronouns on their email signature along with a link as to why pronouns are important.

The Cabinet Office is supposed to be politically and ideologically neutral.

If it’s ok to add a link in as to why pronouns are important, it should be ok to add a link in as to why adding pronouns is harmful.

https://www.legalfeminist.org.uk/2022/04/26/grammar-and-grievance/

PS I’d already posted a few hours ago as to why I think the use of pronouns does harm people if those asking the question care to click back a couple of pages. It also does harm because I think the people announcing them are idiots and it makes me cringe.

Edited

Thanks for that link, I particularly liked this part, amongst other excellent paragraphs and concepts:
The more insidious part of the strategy is the first part: the pretence that the contentious propositions that form sex denialism are already accepted without question by all educated, right-thinking people. Sex deniers make determined efforts to weave their claims seamlessly into our language and the fabric of our workplace culture, with the aim of converting contentious claims into the kind of tacit knowledge that doesn’t even need to be stated or formulated.

GreyskySexRealistsky · 14/10/2026 23:06

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 14/10/2026 22:16

It would be so phenomenally easy for them to have had a box labelled "Optional: if you have preferred pronouns which you wish to appear on your badge after your name, please state them here; otherwise, leave blank".

They actively chose not to do this, but rather to force everybody to join in with something that is completely irrelevant to the vast majority of people and which a great many strongly disagree with the concept of and/or do not believe in. A bit like asking everybody to state which Pope or Guru's teachings have inspired them spiritually the most.

Incidentally, I would caution against putting 'N/A', as the kind of people who do this are 100% guaranteed to also be the kind who will then robotically put that as your preferred pronouns, so you'll end up with a badge saying 'Emma Williams (N/A)'.

This

SeasideWalkaroundStore · 14/10/2026 22:16

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 20:04

That is absolutely best practice and something I fully agree with. I would suspect in this case, at a conference, it is most likely one of those professional environments where it is standard - mainly because you have a lot of people meeting for the first time.

It would be so phenomenally easy for them to have had a box labelled "Optional: if you have preferred pronouns which you wish to appear on your badge after your name, please state them here; otherwise, leave blank".

They actively chose not to do this, but rather to force everybody to join in with something that is completely irrelevant to the vast majority of people and which a great many strongly disagree with the concept of and/or do not believe in. A bit like asking everybody to state which Pope or Guru's teachings have inspired them spiritually the most.

Incidentally, I would caution against putting 'N/A', as the kind of people who do this are 100% guaranteed to also be the kind who will then robotically put that as your preferred pronouns, so you'll end up with a badge saying 'Emma Williams (N/A)'.

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 22:06

Helleofabore · 14/10/2026 21:37

There was an investigative study project done and it was reported on the BBC where they took a CV and made it very similar in quality of education and experience. They gave one a male name and the other with a female name and sent them to veterinarians around the UK and asked which they would be more likely to hire and how much the salary would be.

The male CV was most popular and they consistently said they would pay that candidate more.

This was just before or during Covid if I remember correctly.

I know quite a few female people who don’t want to bring attention to the fact they are female at work due to how they are treated differently when working by email.

There’s a large body of research along similar lines. Also looking at other characteristics such as applications from particular postcode areas or from candidates with ‘immigrant’ names. In general, it’s widely accepted that ‘blindness’ in relation to things like sex, race, social class etc helps to address bias toward middle-class white men (to generalise).

It’s why many of us find the push toward declaration of pronouns, which in the main is about identifying sex, so frustrating. We know it disadvantages women.

JanesLittleGirl · 14/10/2026 21:52

@alcovecupboards and when all is said and done, why should preferred pronouns ever be a mandatory field?

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 21:45

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 21:35

She said she was being a tricky customer - that was her characterisation of her behaviour. I, if you'll also note, said she should just put N/A.

I know what she posted. And what you posted. It’s right there. I must have misread the bit where you wrote “nooo, you’re not being tricky, you’re rightfully pushing back against poor practice”. Must have got lost in all your accusations of people ‘creating issues’ or not behaving professionally.

Helleofabore · 14/10/2026 21:37

There was an investigative study project done and it was reported on the BBC where they took a CV and made it very similar in quality of education and experience. They gave one a male name and the other with a female name and sent them to veterinarians around the UK and asked which they would be more likely to hire and how much the salary would be.

The male CV was most popular and they consistently said they would pay that candidate more.

This was just before or during Covid if I remember correctly.

I know quite a few female people who don’t want to bring attention to the fact they are female at work due to how they are treated differently when working by email.

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 21:35

BackToLurk · 14/10/2026 20:58

I said no such thing

The OP posted in response to being advised to put N/A.

”it does make a difference if they then print N/A on my name badge though doesn't it? It singles me out as a tricky customer”

To which you replied
“But you are being a tricky customer”

So on the one hand you say she should just put N/A, but on the other you say that singles her out as a ‘tricky customer’. Which brings us back to the point of the OP, to find a workaround that doesn’t single her out. Something that shouldn’t be necessary.

She said she was being a tricky customer - that was her characterisation of her behaviour. I, if you'll also note, said she should just put N/A.

Manyanamanyana · 14/10/2026 21:33

alcovecupboards · 14/10/2026 14:45

So being asked your preferred pronouns causes you hurty feelings? With respect - if someone is that fragile, it's unlikely they'll be able to hold down a professional job.

Oh the irony just made me leave my body for a moment...

Jk987 · 14/10/2026 21:21

Put He/she/it

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