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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Women's rights general conversations

986 replies

Kucingsparkles · 06/12/2022 15:14

This is an experimental thread, all input much appreciated!

There is so much excellent information and so many active discussions on FWR that I wondered if it would be useful to have a thread to sort of "cross-fertilise" between them - airing little thoughts or vignettes that wouldn't themselves merit their own thread, to highlight other posts/threads of particular interest or to point to notable developments on fast-moving threads so that casual observers know where to look.

(For example, "the X thread has meandered onto a fascinating discussion of Y" or "Poster P's amazing analysis on thread Z might have relevance to the scenario in thread W" or even "Random bloke asked me to smile while I was choosing onions, grr"- that sort of thing).

Right, bring on the flames or flowers! <cowers>

OP posts:
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CyanCyan · 08/12/2022 21:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

IReallyLikeCrows · 08/12/2022 21:02

namitynamechange · 08/12/2022 09:14

regarding the men getting drunk and reverting to their "natural animal instincts". Its worth pointing out that people from different countries find alcohol affects them differently. e.g there was a study that apparently showed it makes British people more aggressive but Italians not so much. There is no physiological difference Italians and English people - however English people have the perception that drinking alcohol makes them more aggressive, so it does - it gives them permission basically. The same as in some abusive relationships where the man is "only abusive when drunk" but will use the threat of getting drunk to intimidate their partners.
So - I suspect the whole "men can't help themselves when drunk because evolution" is a bullshit excuse/self fulfilling prophecy. If I actually thought drinking would make me do terrible things I would never drink personally.

Back in the day I was a heavy, heavy drinker. Is there a difference between alcoholism and alcohol dependency? I don't know. I know I can drink now and the most I'll have in a night is three glasses of wine and that's unusual. I go for weeks and sometimes months without having a drink. I can drink and stop, the thought of being drunk makes me shudder and the last time I was drunk was accidental and about 15 years ago. Anyway! Big preamble. When I was drinking heavily I started to become quite nasty. Most nights I'd be fine but first once a week and then twice and so on I'd be an unpleasant drunk and that was when I really looked at my drinking and started to cut down. In fact, I stopped for Lent - the Catholic in me never quite goes away - and I never got back into it as heavily again. Not so say that I didn't tear it up ever again, but the rest of my twenties and my thirties saw some outrageous nights, but I wasn't drinking all the time and I was never nasty again. I think the nastiness came about because I was deeply unhappy and wanted to lash out and I was drinking to self-medicate but the drug was "allowing" me to act out the nastiness.

HatThatWearsYou · 08/12/2022 20:05

I've seen this before and I know it's Huffington Post who were heavily promoting the gender ideology but this is another good piece linked by this poster. It's not anything new, we all know women are treated terribly in comparison to their male counterparts.

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · Today 18:20
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/what-happened-when-a-man-signed-work-emails-using-a-female-name-for-a-week_n_58c2ce53e4b054a0ea6a4066

HatThatWearsYou · 08/12/2022 19:58

I'm just catching up on everything but yes @CyanCyan I loved that response too!

CyanCyan · 08/12/2022 19:50

This is great:

JennyMule · Today 17:51
My response when asked in previous (public sector) role - I no longer work there - was to ask what other legally protected characteristics the organisation would like me to declare in meetings/emails etc. Answer, there was none 😎

duc748 · 08/12/2022 19:50

I was just reading that thread. It's creepy the way this unhelpful and unscientific nonsense is spreading.

Kucingsparkles · 08/12/2022 19:47

Topic escapes from FWR into the wider MN:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4694060-told-i-was-phobic-for-not-using-pronouns?

OP posts:
BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 08/12/2022 19:29

I knew that sort of thing was common in developing countries (often by Western organisations or by pharma companies doing cheap testing) and for indigenous populations (by their own governments) in developed countries up until the 90s, but didn't know it was still going on that recently.

Gonners · 08/12/2022 18:32

... women being fitted with contraceptive devices without their knowledge or consent.

I have a personal story about something similar in the UK in the 80s but will post in on that thread rather than here.

mach2 · 08/12/2022 18:16

CyanCyan · 08/12/2022 17:29

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-63863088

Just started a thread about this - women being fitted with contraceptive devices without their knowledge or consent.

I saw that earlier. It never ceases to amaze me what supposedly "progressive" countries do, even into the modern age.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/12/2022 18:05

Bloody hell

Link to Cyan's thread

Doctors fitting contraceptive devices without consent www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4694046-doctors-fitting-contraceptive-devices-without-consent

Tricyrtis2022 · 08/12/2022 17:48

Bloody hell, that's outrageous. How many women has this happened to?

CyanCyan · 08/12/2022 17:29

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-63863088

Just started a thread about this - women being fitted with contraceptive devices without their knowledge or consent.

Britinme · 08/12/2022 17:01

@MavisMcMinty - amazing how long some of us have known each other online! Husband died February 2001, I remarried August 2002.

FleshLiabilities · 08/12/2022 16:56

CyanCyan · 08/12/2022 11:20

I had a boyfriend who said a previous girlfriend he was with for a short time asked him to do it to her and he wasn’t comfortable doing it. He said she had some psychological difficulties which seemed to also come out in various ways during sex. I have no idea if there are women who truly enjoy it.

I had a girlfriend many years ago, probably 25 years ago, so before porn culture became quite so omnipresent. She wanted me to treat her roughly, pull her hair etc, but choking was never even thought of. I wouldn't do what she wanted as I knew she'd had a roughish upbringing and expressed regret at how promiscuous she was in her teenage year (her words).

I did wonder whether I was denying her agency, but couldn't bring myself to act that way, not least because I'd get no enjoyment from it.I know what pain is like and I don't see the fun in it ( I had a brief fling some years later where my partner bit me on the testicles).

DameMaud · 08/12/2022 16:49

Sorry. Posting time delay!

DameMaud · 08/12/2022 16:47

Great! That's Christmas sorted😉

MavisMcMinty · 08/12/2022 16:46

@Britinme Wow, I remember your husband dying suddenly, and can’t believe it’s been 20-odd years already. xx

MavisMcMinty · 08/12/2022 16:43

@CyanCyan What did you say to the mother?

Not much, probably, my job was to listen, and to reassure her that no feelings/emotions are unreasonable.

@funnelfanjo I do wonder at the new wife being so happy to marry someone whose previous wife died only 6 months previously. It would be a red flag to me to be honest

Young widowers with adorable children seem to be a magnet for some women, when I doubt young widows with adorable children would be quite so attractive to men. But I’m probably being sweepingly stereotypical here.

Tricyrtis2022 · 08/12/2022 16:40

Break out the printing kit, Maud!

MavisMcMinty · 08/12/2022 16:33

It’s yours, with my blessing. x

DameMaud · 08/12/2022 15:58

Tricyrtis2022 · 08/12/2022 15:52

Get one made, DameMaud! I'd like one too.

Need copyright from Mavis! 😂

Tricyrtis2022 · 08/12/2022 15:52

Get one made, DameMaud! I'd like one too.

DameMaud · 08/12/2022 15:50

MavisMcMinty · 08/12/2022 12:20

I’m so glad I’m old and allowed to have pubes and to not do sex that I don’t want to do.

I'd like this as a tee shirt!

StephanieSuperpowers · 08/12/2022 15:45

Being older helps there, too. We had it good. Maybe the best lives of people who have ever lived/will ever live.