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Original poster

Detransitioners: put the fatted calf away please.

115 replies

TinselAngel · 03/12/2022 10:40

For some time I have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of trans widows

www.theblaze.com/news/former-transgender-navy-seal-announces-de-transition-says-he-was-propagandized-and-pulled-into-a-cult-everyone-is-converting-all-these-kids-into-transgender#toggle-gdpr

100% the usual AGP story, tried on sisters clothes in adolescence, got married, had kids, successful career, late transitioner yada yada yada

profilesinpride.com/kristin-beck-coming-out-as-transgender-navy-seal/

If detransitioners are serious about atoning for the damage they have done to themselves and others,they need to have a long and serious period of reflection and learning. Swapping the affirmation of one side of the debate for the other does nobody any favours. Least of all us.

And we as a movement need to help this by being circumspect in our treatment of detransitioners and not acting like the love bombing cult that they claim to have left.

We would also do well to remember the binge and purge cycle that all wives of cross dressers are familiar with, and consider that if (when) this carries over in to “detransition”, their detransitioning is likely to at best, fluctuate.

So put the fatted calf away please.
Misogyny is still misogyny, fetishes are still fetishes, narcissism is still narcissism and none of these are magically cured in five minutes.

This is why, at Trans Widows Voices we have to hold the line, and take a position that people on “our side” have already called “harsh” and “cruel”.If we laud one detransitioner as not like the other boys, we dismiss validity of the stories of the women and children in their past

Many people have slowly realised that we were right when we told them that their platforming and lauding of so called “reasonable transexual allies” excluded women, and sure enough those allies proceeded to gradually show us exactly who they are.
For the love of the goddess let’s not make the same mistake twice.

OP posts:
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Dougalskeeper · 19/01/2023 09:37

Excellent post Tinsel. I must confess I have little sympathy for trans or detrans. It has created a lot of harm in this country, in the UK and in the world and all for an unscientific load of nonsense

EasterIsland · 18/01/2023 14:45

Great way to put it @picklemewalnuts !

simplefree · 18/01/2023 12:07

@picklemewalnuts @EasterIsland

So strong indication he could be or become cross dresser? I will check the links later

I realised it was a lucky escape even without that: a bit vain, inability to commit or follow through, overlapping situationships and also what it apperead to be a sexual curiosity about other men

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 11:27

@simplefree as Justin Bieber says...
… 'Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself

Lucky escape for you, there.

EasterIsland · 18/01/2023 11:14

Google 'AGP' - but be prepared - NSFW

Or read medical authority, Ray Blanchard's work on male cross-dressing categories & pathologies. Lots on YOuTube, for example.

And you'll realise it's good that your relationship with this man is in the past.

simplefree · 18/01/2023 08:22

Really sorry if this is innapropriate - I always wanted to ask this but never knew to whom…

I was going out with a guy some time ago and he said to me one day that he had a fantasy of soending the whole day at home wearing a bikini and looking at himself in the mirror / taking photos…

At the time it felt super weird as I had a man expressing anything like this to me before and that made me curious about what his sexuality / gender identification might be?

I didn’t ask further questions, maybe just laughed off in confusion.

What are your thoughts please?

womanundone · 18/01/2023 08:17

I'm trying...I really am x

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 08:14

It's hard, and others with more knowledge will come along and help you soon, but imo you don't need to 'get it'. Save your energy for yourself and your DC.

He's doing an erratic, self centred thing. You need to focus on protecting you and your DC. He's thinking about himself enough for both of you!

I can imagine it's hard to do that, but compassionately understanding him isn't actually going to help. It will just give you someone else to worry about.

Nod and smile, and organise whatever you need to help yourself and the DC.

womanundone · 18/01/2023 08:09

Just read some of it, thank you picklemewalnuts...yes it does illustrate the selfishness. This is what I find so impossible to understand, a person I have know for years become someone who now is on a mission and to just walk away from everything he supposedly knew and loved. I just don't get it...

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 08:01

I'm sure you'll come across lots of interesting articles that back up your experiences, but here's one I have to hand. It neatly illustrates the selfishness of transition. I am sorry you are going through this.

archive.ph/bupdZ

womanundone · 18/01/2023 07:17

and the non existent support the unsuspecting woman receives...its very cruel

womanundone · 18/01/2023 07:16

Picklemewalnuts, thank you. My head is spinning...There are no words to describe this nightmare.

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 07:09

I'm so sorry to hear that, @womanundone. Tinsel will point you to everything you need, and warn you about what may be coming your way.

womanundone · 18/01/2023 07:02

Thank you Banoffeepie21

Banoffeepie21 · 18/01/2023 06:58

@TinselAngel I think you may be able to advise @womanundone .

@womanundone this be a start?www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4236287-trans-widows-escape-committee-5-and-so-it-continues?page=27

womanundone · 18/01/2023 06:49

Hi. My life has been turned upside down by this. My husband, after 28 years of normal marriage, 3 beautiful children, has announced he is and always has been a trans woman. I have absolutely no support from anyone. Is there a tread where other women like me can talk even meet up for support? Sorry to jump on here but I don't know what to do....

EndlessTea · 20/12/2022 15:00

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AliVee · 20/12/2022 14:27

Oh I Googled it! Heh! Chris definitely fit into that category.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 20/12/2022 14:20

I’m not sure what an AGP is,
Oh my sweet summer child Flowers

web.archive.org/web/20190617021707/medium.com/{mention:sue}.donym1984/the-elephant-in-the-room-dc822144a81b

OP posts:
AliVee · 20/12/2022 14:13

I’m not sure what an AGP is, but I can tell you a significant amount of havoc was generated. It is still be generated. So much so that I, his children, his siblings, and his parents, and various ex-wives, are still dealing with the BS from the initial transition, and now the detransitioning. And he was middle-aged when the whole thing started!
My frustration is that Chris/Kristin is a narcissist and nearly everything is a show. He does not really care about children. He’s a pro at creating a talk track used to generate controversy. He’s also commandeered a classic term used to describe narcissistic behavior (love bombing) and is now flipping it to use as something that was done to him.
Also, the LGBTQ/Trans community paid his bills and celebrated him for a full decade, but because he has no use for it anymore, he’s just tossing it. There will always be trans people, and also detransitioners, and they deserve help/support, but this dude is making it harder for them to get it, even though they filled his cup when it was empty.

Thelnebriati · 20/12/2022 13:18

I'm really not interested in working out who is deserving of our help and who isn't, its as bad as debating whop 'passes' and who doesn't. We aren't therapists. We signpost people in distress to therapists, we don't love bomb them and call it support.

Clymene · 20/12/2022 13:11

EasterIsland · 19/12/2022 18:25

There's no one size fits all. Some detransitioners deserve all support in the world. Others don't.

Thanks to PPs who are pointing this out. Wen you hear some stories (Ritchie Herron, Sinead Watson) you realise this.

Reading Richie's posts on Twitter to women, I'm not sure he deserves our support either

EasterIsland · 19/12/2022 18:30

And to be very clear - I have little sympathy for the kind of 'detransitioner' featured in the article linked in the OP. Men like that think they can parade their paraphilia, and then find out all is not rosy - no sympathy for this. It's his wife & children who need the support.

So not all detransitioners are the same, just as we know - from ay Blanchard's work - that not all transitioners are the same.

EasterIsland · 19/12/2022 18:25

There's no one size fits all. Some detransitioners deserve all support in the world. Others don't.

Thanks to PPs who are pointing this out. Wen you hear some stories (Ritchie Herron, Sinead Watson) you realise this.

Shinyredbicycle · 19/12/2022 17:59

nilsmousehammer if you ready second post, you'll see that's exactly what I said.

I haven't seen anything remotely like that among the detransistioners I follow Tinsel but no doubt the tragically ever growing category of detransistioners or the alternative less keen on cross dressing now types contains many different people. There are so many of them now.

I agree that it's necessary not to lump people together. A late teen/early 20s young person who was taken in by a cult and wrecked irreversible harm on their body before they were legally old enough to drive has a completely different set of life experiences to the middle aged AGPs.