How do you cope with the anger when dealing with issues and idiots?

Avoid getting involved in pointless spats on Twitter - you often end up arguing with American teenage boys who have absolutely no idea what the debate is actually about but can spin it out for hours. Instead talk to people in real life about the issues. So many women still haven't realised what is happening.

I spent a while avoiding one set of in-laws until my anger had cooled over this, to be honest. They are too deeply invested now, after our young relative has had surgery that they funded.

I stick to ensuring that my own children know that if ‘Tom’ needs emergency medical treatment or whatever on their watch, they should be clear to medics that he has a female body, as that information could be life saving.

It's important to also pick and choose your battles. You are never going to convince a trans activist to change their mind, especially online where it's a public space and human nature means they won't want to publicly admit they might be wrong lest their own friends turn on them. Remember the real audience though - those lurking and reading but not commenting.
I add links and comments on Facebook - on news articles posted by the BBC, Guardian, Times, LBC etc etc. Lots of people reading and I avoid getting derailed and dragged into word play. Never ever use the words and phrases of the trans activists - stick to simple, clear language like males who identify as women. It's more long-winded but the average person immediately gets what you're saying and easily understands the problems.

on a birth control leaflet she has recently been given it referred to women as ‘ birth givers’.

They clearly don’t have much confidence in their own product then.

slightly off topic - does anyone know if there is a GC group in Shropshire?

I don't deal with it. Its devastating when you realise how few people support your human rights.

There are trademarked foods that have more legal recognition than 5!% of the human race.

Does anyone see refusal to engage as a good idea?

I am thinking to keep on writing to those in power but not discuss it.

It is especially weird with the "I saw on tiktok" people.

So in your opinion, a man has the right to say he’s a woman, and women are not allowed to question it? I see you haven’t answered my question. Are you trying to avoid doing so?

Can you explain in what way a man is female, just because he claims to be so?

Someone up thread said they are now generally icy cool in their rage. You need to have absolute faith in the knowledge that you are right, and he’s speaking nonsense, which he is.

Good luck. It does get easier with practice.

Forgot to say, never ever get dragged into using their language and definitions. Use plain English that doesn’t in any way imply that men are women. It clears the mind wonderfully…. (which is exactly why they have worked so hard to make speaking the truth offensive).

the answer would have been:
that anyone who chooses to identify as female is female regardless their biological sex therefore any male who says they are female has the right to women's spaces.
How do you deal with that kind of response?

Can you explain in what way a man is female, just because he claims to be so?

Rinse and repeat…

The Staniland question is a good one to use:

I find rational questions regarding what the other person is saying are useful, as outlined by RoyalCorgi above.

It’s very common that the other person will be evasive and make strenuous attempts to avoid answering. My preferred technique is to point out every attempt at prevarication and repeat the question.

You might commonly find:

1. Your words are being twisted to suggest you said something you didn’t:

TA: “How are you going to police it? Are you going to check everyone’s genitalia? You GCs are all obsessed with genitalia.”

Me: I didn’t mention genitalia, you did. You appear to be prevaricating. Can you answer the question please?

2. You are called names or subjected to an ad hominem attack.

TA: Typical bigoted question T**F.

Me: Are you unable to give a response? Ad hominem attacks and name-calling are generally a sign that someone has no coherent argument. I’ll ask again… repeat the question.

3. They might demand evidence. With experience you can build up a knowledge of legal cases, medical skepticism from reliable sources and evidence provided by professionals in response to inquiries etc.

But again, if they demand evidence in an attempt to avoid responding to the question, don’t forget to come back to it, regardless of whether you provide evidence or not.

Take your time when responding, assuming you’re online. Sometimes I can’t work out immediately how to respond, especially if my words have been twisted, but given a bit of time, the specific line of gaslighting tends to become clear. There’s usually something that you realise you didn’t say, which wasn’t even implied in what you said. I always point out when they’ve implied I said something I didn’t.

I don’t know how I’d fare in a live conversation, but having a very clear mind about the subject, perfected over serial online discussions, can’t do any harm.

I continue this technique for as long as they continue to avoid the question and remain relatively civil. It starts to be very obvious after a fairly short exchange that they actually can’t answer the question because they know the answer is untrue or damaging.

If I find myself getting angry, I either take a break or remove myself from the conversation. When I don’t, I put myself at risk of banning (Twitter) or strikes (Mumsnet). I’ve had both, generally because I allowed my rage to overcome my better judgement.

OP, with regard to your OH, could you give examples of sports, where there are now transwomen competing in and winning in the women's category. Perhaps explain to him, that these people very often have no surgery whatsoever.
Here are a few examples.

www.insidethegames.biz/articles/1108399/anna-vanbellinghen-hubbard

interactives.stuff.co.nz/2018/03/a-level-playing-field/

www.thecricketblog.com/maxine-blythin-and-the-curious-case-of-womens-cricket/

www.nationalreview.com/2019/10/rachel-mckinnon-is-a-cheat-and-a-bully/

@BigButtons you might also find these two threads useful:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4223539-Self-care-for-feminists

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4191733-Daily-acts-of-feminism-a-thread-for-ideas

RoyalCorgi I think the Staniland question is so very pertinent. It brings the argument down to brass tacks. Its all very well to dress the argument up in intellectual niceties, but at the end of the day the question is, do you think it is okay for women and girls to be confronted by male bodies in single sex spaces. That is the gritty reality.

I must try and keep it in mind for conversation purposes.

It's very hard online. I feel in a state of rage most of the time.

I think if you find yourself about to call someone a "fucking moron", stop, step back and think. It can be worth having a few well-rehearsed lines that express clearly, but not in angry terms, what your position is.
And then just use them time and again.

Asking questions rather than making outright statements is useful, e.g. "How do you define woman?" "What is it about JK Rowling's essay that you find 'transphobic'?" Do you think this person [pic of Karen White, Barbie Kardashian, Jessica Yaniv or multiple others] is a woman?"

The Staniland question is a good one to use: "Do you believe that male-sexed people should have the right to undress and shower in a communal changing room with women and girls?"

I think the rage is similar to the rage that an atheist has when asked to prove god doesn't exist by a religious fanatic.

It is the rage you'd get if you were asked whether right handed people are more or likely to use their right hand when writing, compared to left handed people, only to be laughed at because you were unable to find a peer reviewed study to justify your position.

To a very large extent I think talking is almost pointless. I'd like to think that a sensible way forward would be for both sides to ask the other side to watch a video (GC might like to use the recent "The State Media" vid from youtube) and say "that's my position, where did that video err in fact, and what views expressed do you disagree with and why?"

I assuage my rage by stickering, ribboning, doing slates, signing petitions, writing to my MSP's, buying products and services from people and companies who support women's rights. I felt I was shouting into the void a bit until recently until I realised that a house in my village has recently festooned the trees in their garden with suffragette ribbons which made me feel less like I was shaking my fist at the clouds!

In terms of talking to people, I find that it's just too big an issue to jump into - where do you start? I usually ask a question which is clear and concise - 'are you aware of the recent MOJ hearing regarding women being raped in prisons by convicted sex offenders?' to get to the heart of the issue and without getting bogged down in the inevitable toilet discussion.

I'm like quixote9, whilst I've been reading about the issues for a good while now, I find it very difficult to deal with the anger it provokes in me.

To be honest, the vast, vast majority of people I've spoken to in real life have agreed with the CG position without hesitation.

I do have an old friend who is supposed to be clever (and is indeed doing a higher degree) tell me that she wasn't comfortable with my position, that she values men enough to stand up for their rights (not sure why she doesn't value women enough) and that self ID was fine, and it was ok to let male bodied people into single sex women's spaces because 'they have to go somewhere '.

There are so many things I could have rebutted her little tantrum with thanks to the many brilliant posters on Mumsnet and other reading, however I was speechless with rage. Not a word would come. Probably a good job as it could have simply been an incoherent scream of barely stifled outrage at the injustice women face and of her collusion in it.

I hope one day to be able to discuss the topic without the red mist descending but it's certainly going to take more time.

And if that particular friend mentions Butler once more then God help me.