Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

I am sorry if I don't get it either, but I had short-almost-shaved hair for a very long time and nobody commented on it

Oh come on folks! I thought you of all people would get it. I know how to maintain my hair in a patriarchy-approved manner. I just really really resent that I have to.

(I should clarify that the other DC was a boy and the mum took the stickers away from her own child).

I do the same as magi, I used to have long hair and I have highlights and the combination meant though infrequent hair appointments were half a day's palaver, and combing it after washing was a pain.
Now I have a pixie cut and it's a quick trim which I also rebook each time.

Today we were at church and the children were making flags, DS and another 3 year old were putting stickers on theirs. At this age they expect a parent to stay and the other parent took a sheet of stickers away from him saying "those are girls' stickers". Obviously he couldn't be trusted to work this out for himself as they were small dark coloured stickers with writing on them. The writing said "Hannah Montana" and "Pop Star".
I just listened to Lucy Porter on R4 who was talking about a mum who told her not putting her daughter in pink would make her lesbian. I'm guessing that mum has now moved to the North.

PS Mine is short enough not to have a fringe! Fringes are a pain.

Sera I know how you feel. I have my hair cut very short about every 6/8 weeks & just suck up having to go to the hairdressers. It's easy to maintain - just wash & go. I find making my next appointment when I have just had it cut helps, it then just becomes one of those things I have to do, like dental check ups.

Sera I cut my own fringe when it gets too long. Got proper hairdressing scissors from Amazon. Every 3-4 months I go to the hairdresser's and have everything chopped shortish and the fringe repaired while they laugh at me. We have a set of clippers where the longest cut is about 2 inches. Won't that work? I've been tempted for a while now.

When mine's at that stage, I tend to clip the fringe back. It may look crap, but if I'm doing something like working in the garden, it's necessary.

So here's what's troubling me this evening: my hair.

My fringe is flopping in my eyes and driving me crazy. I hate "woman hair". I can't be arsed with going to hairdressers and I hate having hair in my eyes. So the answer would seem to be to grow it and just tie it back. But no, I also hate washing long hair. I hate the time it takes, I hate having to use conditioner etc. And I exercise a lot so need to wash it quite often. Though luckily, not as often I as I had to while I was still in the lab, which was very freakin' weekday!

My hair is short-ish at the moment, which makes washing much easier, but bits still flap all over my face and drive me nuts.

I want man hair. I want to be able to run the clippers over my head every couple of weeks and job done. I want to be able to walk down the street with my hair in a number 6 with not one person batting an eyelid because it's a perfectly normal hairstyle for a woman to have. I know I could just clipper all mine off, but it would become A Thing. People would stare and ask me about it and my friends and family might be uncomfortable to be seen out with me. I don't want to be weird with my short hair. But I really just Do Not Want To Have To Bother With It! Fucking society and having to perform femininity in order not to be a freak.

There is actually a word for it, though - Misphonia or somwething like that I think?

Could you mute him and put the subtitles on?

You wouldn't like sitting next to DD as she eats then. She's only 10 months though so hopefully she'll grow out of it.

Oh no, I love GW and would be very sad not to be able to watch - it must be so frustrating to be sensitive to that. I'm fortunate enough not to be too troubled by these things, though I can't listen to Laurie Taylor as he makes little grunts that you can hear on the radio while his interviewee is talking

Not a fan of the Fast Show sketch of phlegmy old codgers talking about gardening then?

I love where I work now. It's populated by wonderful women who have just spent lunchtime discussing feminism and women doing PhDs on Viking knitting patterns!

Inicked - that sounds pretty positive. As a teacher I would want to know that info, as they are probably aware that there's been some kind of upset, but not sure who.why, so now they have something to go on.

I could write more but I am meant o be teaching in 3 minutes.

I had a text from my family member last night asking if I could ring him, which I did, he said he had been thinking about what I'd said last weekend, and feels awful that he upset me and his friend, he spoke to her yesterday and has apologised to her for his part in the name calling, saying that he didn't think about the impact his words were having, he said he mentioned what I had said about consent and she had told him that the only person who has been nice to her is the boy in question, he's the only one who hasn't joined in the name calling and the only one who has asked her if she is ok, she told her best friend the next morning and wanted help with getting emergency contraceptive, her friend then went and told everyone in their friendship group.
The girl thanked my family member for saying sorry but the friendship is over, she said she couldn't ever trust any of them again, she has told him she wants to get on with her exams and be left alone, he's asked me what he can do to change her mind and I've told him he can't, that he must respect her decision and not bug her to speak to him. That it's good he apologised to her, but he can't expect her to just carry on like before, that he and his friends were twats, and they might be able to forget it and carry on as normal, she can't.
He said the name calling has died down, but that could be just because he's not involved in the group convos anymore as he has distanced himself from them a bit. It sounds like the groups has split further, with her best friend still namecalling with one or two verbally at least, but with a couple of the others stepping away after my "outburst" the only one the girl still speaks to is the boy, but she said that that isn't the same anymore either as it's awkward.
I phoned the school, (before I'd spoke to my family member) but haven't told anyone in real life that I have done so, I spoke to the head of his year, I said I'd seen some nasty bullying of one of their pupils by other pupils over social media, that I wasn't a parent of any pupils and didn't feel comfortable giving names in case it caused the victim more stress but that I wanted to let them know what was going on, which I know isn't much use, they thanked me for my call and making them aware, if I wanted to contact again with any concerns to do so. I know it was probably a waste of time, I wasn't bothered about getting the bullies in trouble, I was worried that the girl might not want teachers to know, and naming the bullies might make them name her?
I've told him I love him very much and it made me sad to see him acting in such a way, not sad for me, but sad for the girl who thought she has friends and got shit on by them all when she needed them, I think he is genuinely sorry, but if that's came about due to genuine guilt or fear of getting into trouble I don't know. Maybe a bit of both.

*"they're being controlling/obsessive because they care"

If it was a context other than schoolfriends there would be a name for that, wouldn't there?*

That's exactly my conundrum. If this were RL, or an ex-boyfriend, I would be telling her to get a restraining order.

BUT at the same time, she does need to be able to move on from this, and we all have to learn coping strategies. I don't want to ignore how much it upsets her, but she can't keep on thinking about it, she needs to clear her head.

Dr. - I only read Angelou as a teen at school, and I prob need to go back and actually read her. Amazing how reading something for school can completely kill it!

I've not read any Maya Angelou ... I am currently indulging in a VI Warshawski story. I do like her.

Why did none of you warn me off Maya Angelou? This means I have to read her entire oeuvre, doesn't it?

I'm reading Singin' & Swingin' & Gettin' Merry Like Christmas and it had me hooked from the first few sentences. Her writing has had me sighing for joy more times in one volume than many writers do in an entire career.

Well done hoppy. I'm not brilliant at confrontation either but have learnt to manage quite well recently to not back down. Only this week I had to have a couple of days off due to car problems, so alerted the agency so they could arrange cover. Monday was fine, Tuesday was not. First they blamed my locum, then they blamed me, saying I'd not informed them in time. I told the client they knew by 2pm Monday I wouldn't be in Tuesday which left plenty of time. I also got on to the agency and told them I didn't appreciate them trying to drop me in the shit. Of course this means I won't get another placement when this one ends, but hey ho.