Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

I wonder if they just feel too uncomfortable buying her "boys'" toys (aaaaargh but anyway) - I wonder if you suggest more gender neutral stuff, you'd get something more usable, even if it still isn't exactly what she wants. And she can have the star wars and power rangers stuff from you. Or set them a challenge to find a compromise - the pink power ranger (is she still in it?) or Princess Leia or a cuddly Yoda or whatever.

It's still annoying that you would have to do that but it might be worth it to prevent the wasted presents.

Here's the challenge <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=9Pg1VZDZC9SM7Abe5ICYBg&url=www.girlguiding.org.uk/pdf/Choices%2520for%2520girls%5B1%5D.pdf&ved=0CBwQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNHjKo_576o5jObOEPcCZTP8hdLn2Q&sig2=xSbeUatGCsMORIfkZ7mVEw" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=9Pg1VZDZC9SM7Abe5ICYBg&url=www.girlguiding.org.uk/pdf/Choices%2520for%2520girls%5B1%5D.pdf&ved=0CBwQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNHjKo_576o5jObOEPcCZTP8hdLn2Q&sig2=xSbeUatGCsMORIfkZ7mVEw

There are quite a few of these. Is it Plan? They were on the housing list of charities for a recent challenge and seem pretty good. Most of the others are not just girls.
There's one that sponsors a new mum I think.
Personally I would suggest sponsoring a student nurse or midwife. People won't sponsor adults as they might spend their money "badly".

Dd has seen a "sponsor a girl" advert yesterday and wants to cancel her Xbox live subscription and use the money to sponsor a girl and help with their education. I just wanted to ask if anyone has heard of this programme? I didn't see the ad but I've had a quick google and haven't found anything negative so I'm hoping it's not iffy, like some of the Christmas gift programmes.

Good work on all fronts INicked, you're impressive.

Sera, about 8 years ago I had a girlfriend who preferred her hair short. So every 4-6 weeks I'd use the clippers on her to cut it to a uniform 6mm all over and she did the same for me. If she ever got negative comments she never told me. And the other day I was out with DD2 and I pointed out a woman absolutely rocking a pixie cut and said she looked like a ginger Audrey Hepburn. We were drinking pints at the time.

Well done, inicked!

There was a thread about 'spready' men not so long ago, someone linked to this (or something very much like it) which I enjoyed.

well done on all counts, INicked! I really hate space stealers on public transport - though I too often end up feeling in the wrong and/or apologising.

Walked up one side of town, and while I don't have anything in concrete, a couple of places have took my details to pass on to managers, or to contact if anything comes up. The opticians and chemists were surprised as they said they don't really get anyone popping in on spec, so I hope that's worked in my favour as I'm not one if many faces, so hopefully they will remember me. Even if I have no luck, it's doing wonders for my confidence in talking about myself positively, which I really do struggle with and I think that let's me down in interviews so I'm hoping that by the end of the day I'm over all that. I'm in a cafe in my own, which is a first for me, and I love being able to just enjoy my food and people watch,mwithout making smalle talk. I'm going to do this more often.
I travelled by bus, and I picked the wrong time as it was packed, normally I'll move as far into the side as I can to give space, but this time I thought fuck it, so I stayed where I was, two men ended up sitting next to me at various points, one kept to his side and sat properly, but the second sort of tried to shove me over with his body, it wasn't aggressive as such, he just sort of sat in the seat and then moved/spreaded as if the extra space he wanted would become magically available, I didn't budge, Id sort of positioned myself so I wasn't spreading out but took a good 3/4 of my seat with my book overlapping my leg so that if anyone did get to close it would knock my book. Which is what happened, he did say sorry and shifted himself so that he was only on his own side when my opened book was on his leg, but did it in such a huffy way that made me feel like I was taking his seat instead of staying well within my own. I even almost said said sorry! But he still moved so I'm feeling pretty good with myself today.
Dh thinks I'm making problems where there arnt any, and he hasn't seen it happen, but I told him when he's with me then he's sat next to me, and he gives me equal space so that's why he doesn't see it happen.

I hope everyone is having a great Monday, and I just wanted to thank everyone here again. I know I'd never have the bravery to speak up if it wasn't for finding this place.

I think it is rather on the lazy side to give stereotyped toys. Even with children I don't know I generally ask their parents if there are particular things they like when I RSVP. Though people generally don't express a preference. So we buy them stationery because we like stationery. And there are plenty of neutral colours and designs for stationery.

I'd probably not paint the doll house, but that's because painting stuff is akin to alchemy to me.

Very.best of luck, and well done for being brave.
My GuIdes say they are fed up with relatives (e.g. aunts and uncles) buying them random pink stuff, it's very lazy is the message I get. Not even bothering to find out what they like.
I've got all this to come... We didn't do a first birthday party for DS and won't for DD so hopefully not too many presents. Second and third birthdays we can sneak stuff out of the house without her noticing.
I'm currently deciding whether to paint the very pink dolls house we just got. DS tells all kind of little tales about the dolls/his cars/soft toys in it so it's definitely a hit.
Reasons for painting it: not a fan of pastel pink, it's a large piece of furniture and doesn't go with the room, I'm sure we'll get other pink toys that we can't get rid of. If I do it now DD doesn't care, if I wait I risk her entering a pink phase.

Reasons not to paint it: could be very fiddly, it's MDF so will need primer, am I overreacting to what is just a colour, we are not currently too overrun with pink.

good luck inicked - hope you have a productive day

Goodluck INicked!

Good luck, IKnocked. If you don't want to do it face to face, look up retailers online, almost all chain stores have their vacancies and applications online now so you might be able to blast through half a dozen or so without leaving the house.

Goodluck INicked

It's like when someone says "I'm not being racist but ..." And then goes on to say something racist. Dd had a party last year, and I was surprised that she didn't get a lot of pink stuff, it was mostly minecraft or vouchers, the party she had when she first started school was awash with pink, I wondered if its down to her friends being similar to her and they've known each other for a good few years now, so would know the type of stuff she likes?

Some members of family on the other hand, my step mum (who I'm NC with now) used to ask me what she should get dd and then totally ignore me, the last time I'd said, she loves dr who, she loves Star Wars and she loves power rangers, so anything to do with that she would love, she bought her a pink dress and a barbie doll, both of which dd said thank you for but both were never worn or touched by her. My dad and step mum would always comment on dd being more like a boy, and that I should dress her "nicely", and then wondered why dd seemed "uncomfortable" around them. So I'm certain the pink dress and a barbie doll was deliberate dig and not a mistake, knowing full well I wouldn't challenge it as then I'd be called ungrateful.

Tomorrow I'm going to the nearest town and plan to spend the day going into every building and ask about jobs. I'm not qualified, but I'm struggling to find anything in childcare so I'll try anything. I've figured the worst that can happen is people say No. Dh has had a raise and people have just assumed that I'll stop looking now, but I want to work, I want something for me, some independence, to be more than wife and mother, which is all I feel I am at the moment, which isn't bad, I mean I love dh and dd very much and they are both my world, but I've felt, actually I don't know what I've felt, a bit like something is missing for a while now, ahhh I don't know what I'm trying to say without sounding ungrateful for what I do have. Anyways, I'm feeling positive for tomorrow but also shitting myself.

Reported some young blokes who leaned out of a car last night making a wank sign at me to the police as i was walking to my mums. The guy on the end of the phone said not to expect a prosecution. I knew that anyway and didnt expect it but just wanted it on file so to speak I managed to memorize the cars number plate as it went past. After all if hes doing this hes not paying attention to his driving is he.
My mother instantly said to me "You will get into trouble if you are not careful.

Hopefully i wont I dont see how when i was walking on the pavement minding my own business. And i used the 101 non emergency no. Cant see that ive done anything wrong.

Sorry, I didn't even notice that typo, definitely my dd, not my dad.

Dd2 had a birthday recently and almost every present she got was pink, Barbie, or My little pony. She did get a book token which was great, and a dinosaur craft kit which she loved, but most people went with "generic 5yo girl" stuff, whether they were parents of boys or girls.

Skim read that and momentarily thought someone was offering barbies to a bloke to play with - well that might be nonsexist but it'd be weird! I noticed when my dd was young that it was more often mothers with only boys who would give birthday gifts of barbies or pink clothes - anyone else find that?

Dd1 has short hair. She cut it herself, then I tidied it up (not my idea, I'd have taken her to a hairdresser but she did it herself one Sunday afternoon and I was the only person available to tidy it up) Its the longest length on our clippers and looks fabulous. I'm not quite brave enough to do it myself though.

I've just spent the afternoon at a friend's house. Both DC (her ds and my dd) were happily playing with the garage and train set when she brought out some Barbies and said "I'm not being sexist but I thought your dad would prefer to play with these" How is that not sexist? Dd ignored the barbies and carried on playing with the train set.

Sounded to me as if you were looking for ideas about what to do with your hair.

When I was a child my mother would not let me have long hair until I was old enough to look after it myself (about 10, as far as I remember).

Do you not want the hair like that, Sera, or do you want it like that, but don't want to have to maintain it?

Because if you don't want it like that, then could you try not having it like that and see if you can live with the reactions (if any)?

I know that sounds easy to say, and I am not you, and I'm happy with a "feminine" style and reasonably happy with the associated maintenance (my hairdresser doesn't talk to me unnecessarily and lets me get on and read a book, it doesn't take that long, I can combine it with boring or fun errands). I did have 1/2" long hair aged 16 though but I don't really remember many negative comments. Though I may not have been paying attention, given my age, or perhaps it's more acceptable for teenagers to rebel.

It did rather sound like you didn't mind HAVING longer hair, just that you hated the maintenance, hence the tips for hair maintenance.

I hate the maintenance of little girls' long hair (I even hate the idea of the maintenance of little girls' long hair, as I've never had to do it, as DD's hair is still very short!) so we won't be growing her hair long. I actually don't particularly like the look of it but even if I liked it my dislike of the maintenance would probably overrule the look.

I am crossing my fingers that a weekly every other day brushing and a termly cut will be OK for her hair in either a bob or a shorter cut, the same as it is for DS.

Go to a unisex barber's and ask for a men's style? I need to get mine done short again. It's annoying me, it's chin length now. It irritates me that people see me and say "Wow! Your hair has grown, it looks really nice!" A woman turned up to a fortnightly brunch meeting I go to on Friday and she'd had hers cut short and everyone did the whole "You're so brave! It really suits you!" thing.