Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

But I'm a bit bored today. Will someone entertain me? >

I have a lot of time for any of Buffy's posts. :)

She's not allowed to just wander off!

Just put a couple of 'info wanted' posts on a couple of key threads... see if that leads to anything.

I hope Buffy isn't gone, I'd understand her wanting a break after all that nonsebse on the other thread.

I don't know if she has gone completely, I just noticed I hadn't seen her around since that thread, I came across another thread yesterday from the same time and again, this board and "the regulars" were getting a hard time.

I really don't understand those threads, it's not the "regulars" who are hostile, there's a few names I've noticed haven't been around, I'm hoping it's something unrelated and everyone is busy, but it must get pretty tiring having to defend yourself, time after time, to people who seem to have no intention of listening anyway.

You what? I saw one of her posts was deleted, not much more than that (weird in itself I thought): are you saying she has gone completely?

I noticed I've not seen Still around for a couple of days either, but I think that's her being upset with us/ namechanged/ on hol etc. Hope it's not that she's upset.

Surely Buffy can't be gone - what happened?

What happened to Buffy? No, I haven't seen her. Why was she deleted?

LordC, he's apparently made derogatory comments about short hair on women, which I will investigate further. If it's true he will be told 1/ it's none of his business, 2/ women do what the fuck they like, have you learned nothing from your sisters and your mother? and 3/ I wouldn't say that in the company of women unless you want to stay single.

And on the subject of bald men, yes, that describes me. Well, balding at least. And yes, I have a weird shaped head that a totally shaved look does me no favours. Too many bumps etc. :o

The hair thing is interesting. My (male) boss has very short hair (probably #2 all over). I think it looks wrong, but I would never dream of saying anything. In fact I think he looks less professional than my other two male colleagues who have longer hair and clearly style it each day. I'm now wondering if I'm being unreasonable to judge them in this way.

I think he's free to not like short hair on women as long as he keeps his opinion to himself ... I love short hair on women. At least on one woman - me. I'm going to skive off work one day to get my hair cut.

I'm going to have to have a word with DS, he's decided he doesn't like short hair on women. Why this is I have no idea. I'm surprised as his sisters pour him full of their feminism and, in the main, it has been digested.

I suppose shaved hair is less commented on in men, because a lot of them do it when they start balding. Hardly anyone talks about female pattern baldness. Also, women often are judged by their hair in a way men aren't.

I have thought some men haven't got the best-shaped head for baldness, but I'm pretty sure I've never voiced it, except possibly to a close friend. Besides, baldness isn't always a choice, whether it's genes or illness, so there's no point telling someone they look rubbish without hair, if their only solution would be a wig - and why should it matter anyway?

Just popping in to wave from Málaga.

That thing on planes about items in the overhead lockers might have shifted in transit? I was ready for my bag, but got distracted by the steward's jacket falling on my face, so then didn't catch the bag - well, I did - just on my cheek rather than in my arms...

I was given a red carnation for buying a book on World Book Day.

I'm afraid I'm place marking. I've been on holiday, and the pub has dropped off my list of threads I'm on. I might have something sensible to say once I've caught up but then again I might not

My older son had very long hair as a toddler and people said aren't you afraid that people will think he's a girl as if that was the worst thing that could happen!

(At least in some cultures) hair is strongly linked to femininity. The last time I got a buzz cut I got a lot of the "you can get away with it because you are pretty" comments, which I read as "thank God you don't look masculine with that short hair" (because obviously that would be the WORST thing that could happen to a women ever). Similarly, when my brother grew his hair long as a teenager my parents got a lot of flak from friends who wondered out loud how on Earth my parents allowed him to do that, to which they responded that as long as said hair was clean he could do whatever he wanted with it! And so have my brother and I done: over the years we've gone short, long, bleached, pink....

I am actually thinking of getting out of investment banking IT and if I do, God knows the first thing I am doing is dying my hair mermaid blue.

it's definitely culturally conditioned, because i think people might think if they didn't comment at all it meant they didn't like it (and that you would care about this), so they have to say something to prove that that's not the case

I don't think you're wrong, culturally conditioned explains much better what I was trying to ask, compliments and comments have always made me feel awkward, and I think it might be for the same reasons as you now I think about, so I'll go to the hairdressers, pay a small fortune, then when I go home I'll try and make it look like it did before, so as it's not noticeable.

Dh shaves his head, he intends to do it regulary but in truth, he only bothers once it gets uncomfortable and makes him sweaty under his hard hat, so there's usually a lot of growth, and when I asked him this morning he said he can't remember ever having a comment on it, which wouldn't happen if I did the same, I'd get lots of comments, he did say though that dd always rubs his head when she walks past him, which he likes as it's like their own version of a hug.

Has anyone heard from Buffy? I haven't seen her around after her deletions and just wondered if she is ok?

That does make sense inickedaname, I get why people, particularly women feel obliged to comment on hair it's culturally conditioned isn't it that it's nice to notice what other women have done with their appearance. I think it's the vibe that people are reassuring ME that I'm still acceptable that feels a bit weird. Obviously I think it's acceptable or I wouldn't have done it, it just seems to be a very different conversation than men ever have about hair, perhaps I'm wrong? I don't know, it's strange. I find it a bit depressing that there is still such a convention of woman = long hair or hair style and opting out by just getting rid is really remarkable.

I think my biggest issue with head shaving is there's no good time of year for it. Winter is too cold (I grow my hair in the winter to help keep my neck warm!) and summer is a horrible risk of sunburn.. I totally see the appeal though, and I imagine a bit of scalp airing (sunburn aside) is probably quite good for it!

I came here to post this www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-32417296 - apparently it's a bumper year for nuns and has been back on the rise for a bit. I find it interesting. I'm having trouble articulating why, but it feels like a similar thing to my inkling that should anything ever go wrong with my partner and me, that I wouldn't bother living with another man, but would happily move in with another single mother.

Someone I once knew a few years ago shaved her head, she previously had really long hair and I didn't know what to say when I saw her, I didn't want to stare, but because it was such a big change it took some getting used to, I also didn't want to not say anything in case she thought I felt awkward, which sounds silly now I read back, I remember saying something like "it really suits you" (which it did), I didn't want to not say anything in case I offended her. I hope that made sense.

She laughed most comments off, and she got a lot, but it pissed her off when a couple of people assumed she was ill, or had shaved her head in support of someone else being Ill, and then told her how brave she was when she said she fancied a change.

I hope this comes out right and if not I'm sorry, but I was just wondering, in general do females place more importance or notice hair more than a male would? what I mean is I could get an of inch chopped off my hair tomorrow and my Dh and brother probably wouldn't notice and therefor wouldn't comment, but my mum would, and she would comment.

I'll hopefully make more sense in the morning when my medication has worn off.

I also feel weirdly apologetic about it at times like I need to somehow alleviate the discomfort people are feeling!

Just popping in to chat about this here as I don't want to start a thread about it but I recently shaved my head (I've always had short hair but wanted to get back to my natural colour and just thought fuck it) and I'm finding the comments I'm getting from folk interesting and am quite aware that these are probably not things that are said to men when they shave their heads often or perhaps even ever?
Most popular is something about how lucky I am I've got the 'right shape of head' for it, this seems really really important for people this head shape thing.
Then there's 'you get away with it because you're pretty/have the right kind of features/etc I could never have short hair Id look awful' etc
My favourite is 'you're so brave' every time someone says this I want to say back in an Alan Partrudge voice 'so ruddy, ruddy brave'
No ones really criticised it but it does seem to shock people in a way that a mans shaved head doesn't/wouldn't.
But anyway, I wondered what other women here made of all this? I understand people are trying to be nice and to find something to say, it seems to be genuinely shocking for people and I'm left thinking about what a massive part of the performance of femininity hair is and how important it has been for people to say something that seems to convey that they still somehow 'approve' of my appearance despite my transgressive(?!) hair.