Really? we think that "that organisation" are representative of fathers in general? really?

It was offensive to me. Clearly different rules for you eh?

they reinstated it anyway basil as when looked at it was clear it didn't break any talk guidelines.

It was reinstated.

Wot Sunshine said

And at SF repeating a post s/he'd just got deleted

Eh?

swallowedafly - I reported your post because it reads to me that I somehow endorse domestic violence.

'but what is that point of view? that the big bad feminists have given you swollen ankles because men can't be expected to give up their seat for a pregnant woman if they don't get to beat their wife of a friday night?'

What's best for the children is not about equality for the parents. Sometimes what's best for the child is horribly unfair on one or other of the parents.

What's best for my child is me being sole carer. Horribly unfair on me and from a selfish POV yes I'd bloody love my XP to be made to take responsibility for 50% of all of this or even 80% so I could swan off and do all the things I'd love to do but can't because I'm a lone parent. But I don't want my DC to be casualties of a war in the name of equality between adults.

The way to manage this is to have the courts continue to issue residency arrangements that reflect the status quo before the split but put a lot more pressure on men and women to share parenting equally before then so that reflecting the status quo does actually mean awarding 50/50.

Yes whoever keeps reporting posts does! flouncing off to better things!

In general I think people need thicker skins. Lots of people who moan about posts should not be pandered to but sent for therapy or learn to toughen up. Freedom of speech is much more important than people';s hurt feelings. I want to defend the right of people with whose views I don't agree (even housewives, heaven forfend) to spout whatever they choose. However I accept that a website can decide what is not in its interests to have posted upon it.

I can't be bothered personally to go chasing my deletion, I am leaving this thread over the nonsence, no doubt this post will be deleted too!

they've replied saying that it didn't break any talk guidelines and has therefore been reinstated so why was it deleted then? bit trigger happy.

I want you to know I Xenia, I have no clue who you are in rl, not read all thread, and made no personal attack against you.

i had a post deleted though i haven't a clue what for. i reported it and asked for an explanation. will check my emails.

only if posts are reported!

Yes agreed there must be stuff going on behind the scenes as this seems a concentrated cause for deletions.

I don't accept that 50/50 means chidlren's needs are not respected. There have been far too much sexist assumptions over th eyear by male judges that women mind children and men work which is about 50 years out of date adn that every other week to see your chidlren is somehow suitable just because you're male. It's not suitable. It's an appalling injustice which many feminist women want to have righted. Most fathers are good and most can have their children half the time and many children want that time with their other parent.

It is not to treat a child like a DVD to suggest it spends equal amounts of time with each parent. It is what all feminists and people who believe in equality should want. It is also often very much better for children. To that extent I expect vast numbers of mumsnetters supports F4J in their work. However I also support the other cause - that absent men shoudl be held up to public opprobrium for wanting to play at being a parent and not full their weight, whether that weight be washing sheets covered ni sick or helping with homework night after night or up in the night with sick children and cleaning up after them.

I don't nkow what has been deleted of other posts above (and I don't reallly like any deletions even when people are critcial of me but anyone who runs a site can decide what to delete at their discretion)

wow, a deletion for my opinion on a group and for reporting contents on a website! just wow!

Well done, Xenia, Well done.

I think that sounds like an excellent approach xenia, if you think kids are just like dvds and their needs don't matter at all

Smlles like, I agree that more women want more contact from the fathers than women deny contact. However I know far too many people who want contact which is denied to believe it is rare. Thankfully most couples reach agreement but there is a still a bit problem which I hope all feminists would support resolving of men wanting more contact than they are given with their children. It's an awful heart rending issue in relation to which many women sympathise with men.

My suggestion of a default legal position that it is half the week with each parent (or every other week) unless the couple agree otherwise and unless the court orders otherwise would help all the mothers who don't get enough help and all those fathers who are denied contact. It is also the position in many countries and it reflects fairness too. It also means that women can be icked back into work and plenty need that kick rather than living off male earnings post divorce. If they know they have half the week covered for childcare it is much easier to get back into full time work and then men pay less too so it is win win all round.

yep i was on a thread about just that yesterday - a woman being criticised by other women for thinking that her ex should actually have the kids more than 4 nights a month and that it would be nice to get a bit of time to herself. apparently she should have been grateful that he had them at all

i've never met anyone who denied contact but i've met a hell of a lot who wish the father would step up and have more contact but funnily enough whilst the courts love the father's right to contact they never have much to say about responsibilities.

we need to scrap the whole rights nonsense (kids aren't a dvd collection) and actually deal in responsibilities - equality of responsibilities sounds good to me. imagine a court that could order a father to do 50% of the childcaring rather than just talk about his rights to see them of a weekend if he fancies it.

I'm not going to get into this argument again.

Fair enough - that's your prerogative. But when you say: They don't seem to care about how I feel, yet they're perfectly happy to continue in my name, without asking me. and then you are asked and ignore it, you end up coming across as someone wanting to be a martyr / spoiling for a fight. I'm not saying that you're doing this intentionally - but I'm struggling to see it any other way.

I like most men I know, I even love some of them. I have a problem with the patriarchy, not most men

I find it sad that we are still having to point out to other women that the majority of separated and divorced women would like their children's fathers to have the children more, not less; and that such women have no legal recourse to make this happen.