Really? we think that "that organisation" are representative of fathers in general? really?

C100 is the form for application for the court to make an order about contact - sorry - misunderstandings

oops sorry

Swallow are you talking to someone else...I live with my ds

no seaofyou - i'm talking generally about men who go around claiming to friends and family that they're desperate to see their children and their ex is stopping them and garner sympathy and stuff when in reality they've done nothing to remedy the situation and sometimes it's of their own choosing anyway.

i totally believe you did all you could to sort it and the law failed you.

What's C100? Why did solicitor not inform me of this? I ain't suicidal though! But I know what I'd like to do to ex grrrr!

Swallow did you mean me? Sorry if it wasn't directed at me? But I did go to CPU when SS failed to take action. Then CPU refused to take it further. I have a solicitor who said I need evidence, ex spotted CCTV 2 days later.

Ds has disclosed (old stuff from last year). sS manager said to contact her ASAP and SW and polic will interview ds. But CPU Said CPS this would not go to court re ds age/disability/time lapse and no evidence...I did phone SS manager over week ago and well no call back but I am worried I will be judged again as making it up to get at ex!
So I don't know if I am doing the right thing not bothering telling SS manager now but I feel they will point finger again:(

that's the thing - i will never believe a man who claims his ex is refusing to let him see his children and it's all down to her not him and he's desperate to see them if he hasn't even bothered to download, fill out, send off a form and get a contact order process underway.

it just doesn't add up because we all KNOW don't we? that we'd have filled that form in the very first day our ex's had refused to let us see our children. there is NO way we'd have let it go on.

www.hmcourt-service.org.uk

if you go there ^ you can download an application for contact order form (C100), fill it in and post it off.

that would take me ten minutes. not a year.

you cannot convince people you are devastated and heart broken and desperate and raving and suicidal about seeing your kids if you haven't even bothered to download and send off a form in a year i'm afraid.

oLKN when I had the CCTV fitted Izzy suggested I put inside so ex would not know which was a fab idea and maybe he'd have that injunction by now. But CCTV installer said about glare off window and the leaded beading would cause visual problems so I had no choice but to have it outside. ex spotted it and did a U turn (damn) solicitor was hoping he'd attack again (evidence for injunction).

I do have footage of him driving past few times I just need a CCTV forensic specialist to make it clear how much more is it going to cost

I kept all the cyber abuse but police didn't take much notice of that either? One PC said to me when I called them as ex parked up around the corner (now bear in mind ex now lives abroad) PC said ex can stand in my garden and look in my window if he wants WTF!!?

Victim Support were amazing and the only organisation that listened/understood/helped me. I was lucky and had regional manager on our case and she was appalled police did nothing! She said this type of 'behaviours' is extremely dangerous and she got funding for cctv for us as was worried for our lives. arson team were lovely too.

I have a new front door now without a letterbox so feel safer. However may be summoned to court for years of maintenance owed in next few weeks and I expect the wrath of ex's venomous actions...so I will become hyper alart again kwhen this happens.

But their is nothing I can do until their is evidence.....how many other women went repeatedly to police and they are not here now. I don't want ds and me to be next weeks chip paper iykwim:(

I need to stay re ds school but it is so easy to get lost in city and next house will not be end of street near open fields where easy escape routes for ex.

not being snide - expressing my opinion. a parent a year down the line who has not even tried to go to court has not used the system or made best use of the legal paths available to him.

sAf, I have never at any point portrayed my ds as saying "poor me". He is using the system and taking legal advice, as I have said several times. Do, please, go back and read it. Your snide comments are beginning to irritate.

i think we also need to stop the mythology of the courts favouring women over men by men (and their female relatives) when most of them haven't even been to court.

a court will extremely rarely deny contact - the numbers of fathers who have been refused contact is miniscule - like tiny!

so a hell of a lot of these dads, no offense, are going to be like the example given on this thread - saying poor me, the system has failed me and i can't see my kids when in reality they haven't even bothered to use the system and legal avenues available to them because they want it all their own way or nothing and aren't prepared to compromise.

this must be true because the figures show us the percentage of men refused contact by the court is less than 0.1%.

I'm liking the idea of using psychologists, abusers often seem charming on the surface but will have behaviours clear to the experienced eye.

And thank you for the information re the court case.

I think in cases of alleged DV we should start with the presumption of truth, since unless anyone believse that women are inherently more likely to lie than men, then the fact is that most of them will be telling the truth. False allegations of any crime tend to hover between 5 and 10% and DV is no exception. And if we believe that men and women lie with equal frequency, then the number of women lying about DV is no higher than the number of men denying allegations that are true, which would largely cancel each other out.

In order to therefore prove or disprove either way, if there is no corroborating evidence (and I think we should allow family and friends to testify, since very few people are willing to perjure themselves even for a very good friend or family member) one of the first things I'd recommend is a psychological evaluation of both parties by a psychologist who has been fully trained in abuse dynamics. That will not only pick out the abusers but will also pick out the small number of women who do lie. There is nothing to lose except perhaps the fact that quite a few people will be held accountable for their abuse in a way that is unprecedented.

Regarding the proposals mentioned in the DV link, as LineRunner says, this is just tinkering with the system. The power is already there. The first woman to be imprisoned for witholding court ordered contact happened in 1997 (A v N (Refusal of Contact).

I've read some of seaofyou's posts before, this has been going on for ages, police have been involved, I think there's an injunction too.

Could you move house in secret, seaofyou, somewhere far away from where you are now? Or are your son's needs too complex to start again somewhere else?

Sorry about what you're going through, seaofyou.

When my ExH decided he 'owned' the space outside my front door, I just started ringing the police. I had had enough. They agreed with me, that I shouldn't feel scared about stepping out of my own front door, and were really, really helpful.

just to say that i believe you seaofyou and i'm so sorry you and your ds were put through that.

I asked Paed who said ds would need specialist psychologist because of ASD and CAHMS didn't have anyone NSPCC and WA had nothing either. I was told ds will forget in time....but I feel we have been sucked back to 12 months ago when ds first disclosed

The CCTV stopped my ex attacks, he was outside my house 48 hours after CCTV fitted, sadly he spotted it and went on his way. Ex has driven past and heald abuse, but when I had the fake petrol bomb initially police said it was kids and threw it away and I pleaded with them to finger print it.. Ex was due in court for maintnanence that week.

I got a PI in end to track ex in work and serve court papers for Maine enhance that weekend he parked outside my house and drove past several times to frighten me. It worked I was terrified again.
Anyone know any good CCTV companies that can get clear picture I have of ex in car so at least I know have proof to get an injunction or something to stop this complete fruitcake?

Oh, that's awful! Would there be any sort of counselling or support for him, maybe Barnardos?

Sadly OLKN I thought ds had forgotten as not mentioned it since CPU decided I was delusional 7 months ago and not interview ds. But as soon as ds saw normal/nice dads with their ds's in the park the memories came flooding back month ago.
I should report these disclosures (but they are the same ones SS know and did not act on) so what is the point....I'll be accused of being delusional....hmm just like I was delusional when 3 witnesses on few occasions saw him in car parked/driving past my street!

So, if the system needs overhauled, and we mostly agree that it does, what would be the ideal way to handle things in the future? I'd definitely go for fining/jailing/seizing assets of men who don't pay what they should, but don't think it would be in a child's best interests to force a reluctant parent to see his/her child. What do we do about RPs who withhold contact for no good reason; if s/he alleges DV, what kind of proof should we require?

There is a section on the CSA website about contact. There is a lot of stuff on other websites about parents' rights.

That proposal doesn't introduce prison as a new idea, just dicks about with it.

And it still doesn't stop men only offering themselves up for parenting when it feels convenient.

And the threat of imprisonment therefore stays the silly, impractical, unworkable nonsense it always was.

I'm sorry to hear of your son's experience, seaofyou, that must be horrific. How is your son now?