Really? we think that "that organisation" are representative of fathers in general? really?

yeah i'm at a loss as to why not wanting to beaten in our own homes, or raped with impunity and wanting things like the vote, reproductive rights, equal pay etc prevents men from opening doors

that chivalry was pretty damned conditional if that's the case.

I remember back in the 1980s saying that I would happily exchange 'chivalry' for equal pay.

he's welcome to open the door for me so long as he's not expecting me to lose any rights as a human being in exchange

it's fine for a man to do it too as far as i'm concerned.

So is it OK for a women to open a door or give up a seat, but if a man does it, it's sexist. How do you know if he's opening a door because he's sexist, or because he's a 'decent man' who keeps his eyes off your tits?

Don't call me kiddo. I'm 42. 'You types'? What's that supposed to mean?

Oh yes, good point JosephineB, those jobs which are mainly done by machines are all highly paid compared to cleaning work which actually involves a lot of physical activity and getting up close and personal with anything that can be ejected from a human body.

Prostitution doesn't interest me particularly. I used to run a cleaning business and have had my hand down many a toilet. I also worked in a care home briefly and cleaned up many an 'accident'. Your point is? Also, when I worked in the care home, there were a number of men doing the same job.

I love the theory that men 'conspire' to keep women off garbage trucks etc..

I don't see many e-petitions asking for the right to work at a sewage works.

I'm pleased that you're happy with your swollen feet. I'm not, but unfortunately I don't have much choice as you're kindly forging ahead in your desire to eradicate chivalry in my name (but without my consent), so thanks.

'Down a mine', do you think we're living in the 19th century? Women did work down mines btw, they had the job, along side children, of crawling along tunnels on their hands and knees, pulling the trucks behind them, empty ones to the miners, and full ones to the lift shaft. Bet you didn't know that kiddo.

It's funny that you types always come out with sewage works and garbage lorries as if they're two jobs that delicate females couldn't possibly cope with. The majority of cleaners of women, and if you are the cleaner of a public toilet in town then you will daily come in to contact with human waste, condoms filled with human secretions, needles and other sorts of nasties. This is a job that involves getting close and personal with all sorts of crap and the most you get to protect you is a pair of marigolds. Sewage workers have all sorts of protective gear and if you think about it, most of the work is done my machinery, they just have to supervise. Ditto garbage lorries, they get heavy duty gloves and protective gear, and it's a sodding machine that does the work for them.

Get your arse down a mine, to a sewage works or on a garbage lorry whilst you're at it

All well paid jobs that men conspired to keep women out of. Perhaps you'd like to try the most dangerous 'job' of all (prostitution) or clean toilets for a living or care for old people or any number of dirty, unpleasant and low paid jobs whilst you're at it?

And I do find it entertaining that having a door opened for me / offereda seat is to supposed to compensate for low pay / lack of legal protection / lack of bodily autonomy etc etc. I'll take the swollen feet thanks.

'I don't think that holding open doors or giving up a chair is a sign of respect tbh, I don't really want to be treated like a fragile vessel, I'd settle for being treated like a human being.'

Fine. Have a door shut in your face and stand till your feet swell if you think that's what makes you a human being.

Get your arse down a mine, to a sewage works or on a garbage lorry whilst you're at it.

Given your tenacity on this thread, I'm surprised you didn't push it further and find a solicitor who was prepared to fight for you. Based on the facts as you've presented them here, I would be pretty positive that you'd actually have got shared residency.

I sympathise about the DV thing. For some reason it isn't counted as remotely relevant in residency hearings, although in my opinion it should result in automatic suspension of residency and trigger mandatory supervision during contact.

If OTOH, your variety of solicitors were giving you advice based on your argument that you had the DC 50% of the time because the time they were at school should be deducted from your XW's time, I can see why you were given that advice.

Johnde - in that case you had a crap solicitor and were given bad advice.

I know several men who achieved primary residency because they were the primary carers before the split, and there are also several men who have residency who post on this board.

''I have been told by a variety of solicitors that despite having more care of my children than my ex pre-separation I would probably only have seen them every other weekend if I had gone to court. Even then if she had chosen to ignore a court judgement there would essentially be nothing they could do about it; and that's despite the unilateral abuse and adultery.''

Well, if we're going with anecdata, a friends husband has primary custody of his 2 DCs from his first marriage. He was the primary carer during his marriage and the courts awarded custody in his favour because of that fact.

Wasn't there something published a year or so ago, a study on attitudes to marriage and it showed that men, more then women, want to settle down and get married. I'll try and dig out a link later. Funny to see ye olde chestnut WOMEN - if you go to far in your push for equality, then men won't want to marry you.

Also, re. 'the end of chivalry', I hear that a lot but then I think that these older men are no less guilty then younger men in staring at my tits rather then looking at my face, invading my personal space, not actually listening to me, interrupting me because what they have to say is oh so more important. I don't think that holding open doors or giving up a chair is a sign of respect tbh, I don't really want to be treated like a fragile vessel, I'd settle for being treated like a human being.

I've encountered lots of these chivalrous men who treat women 'respectfully', so long as we know our place of course.

'But the way to do that is to campaign for greater involvement of men in family life before separation is even considered, because the more men who are primary or equal carers before separation, the more men will have this status after separation.'

Fathers already have much greater involvement in childcare than they ever have before. Neither the courts, nor government, have substantially changed their behaviour as a result. I can see where you're coming from but I just do not think it's going to happen that way.

All court judgements should already be consistent with ECHR, but when it comes to parenting this duty is consistently ignored.

I have been told by a variety of solicitors that despite having more care of my children than my ex pre-separation I would probably only have seen them every other weekend if I had gone to court. Even then if she had chosen to ignore a court judgement there would essentially be nothing they could do about it; and that's despite the unilateral abuse and adultery.

i'm sure some women and some men leave their marriages because they are bored. not sure what the relevance here is though. sorry you were hurt by your parents marriage breakdown SF.

Women aren't only leaving their marriages because they are with 'bad men'. My mother was bored and had an affair.

no one is doing high fives - it's really fucking sad that men are still being such shit husbands that women would prefer to be a skint, stigmatised single mother than carry on being married to them.

not much to celebrate for anyone there.